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About YLD2
May. 13th, 2000 01:03 amABOUT THE FIC
As I researched, preparatory to writing YLD2, I had several insights about VM Canon that led to this fic.
1) Epilepsy drugs affect fertility.
2) Leo stole both tapes when one would have been enough to sell to the tabloids, so there had to be another reason he stole them.
3) Logan would have been technically guilty of statutory rape if he had slept with Hannah. If she was younger than 15 and he was over 18, this would have actually been quite a serious crime. (An age difference of three years or less is usually not prosecuted.)
4) Kendall was in the room when Dr. Griffith made his deal with Logan.
5) Many canon characters believed Kendall actually slept with Duncan (also: quite a few Duncan-hating fans).
6) There is a three year statute of limitations on burglary in the State of California; there is a ‘clock’ that runs while you are in the state. So after three years, Veronica cannot be prosecuted for the Manning break-in, but Duncan can, because the clock hadn’t been running for him.
7) Veronica will never be completely safe from prosecution for her part in the Manning babynapping.
8) It was Beaver who told Veronica about Logan’s lack of alibi.
9) Beaver didn’t know that Veronica had identified her rapist as Duncan. (No one knew, except Logan, Duncan, and Carrie Bishop. Why was Carrie so circumspect? You would think that would have been juicy gossip. Hmm.)
10) Beaver probably thought it would be a good thing if Veronica blew up on the bus, in case she remembered the night of her rape. He of course was unaware that she was anything other than drunk that night and was probably terrified she’d remember what happened.
11) Aaron’s murder is still unsolved, and Kendall was there when it happened.
12) Dr. Griffith was a plastic surgeon. If Kendall survived in the desert, she might have come to him to change her appearance (since he was another Fitzpatrick confederate and known to be a sleaze).
13) If anyone saw Clarence Wiedman at the Neptune Grand when Aaron was murdered, they would have assumed that Jake Kane was involved, not Duncan.
14) One of the reasons Dr. Griffith would have sent Hannah away would be to protect her from retribution by the Fitzpatricks—he had just made that deal with Logan, and Liam was sure to be furious.
15) Why did Liam target Logan so relentlessly for Felix’s murder? There was no reason for the Fitzpatricks to keep targeting Logan: Lamb was not actively investigating the Fitzpatricks, in fact Lamb seemed not to care about Felix’s murder at all.
16) Why didn’t the Fitzpatricks exact revenge on Dr. Griffith for changing his testimony?
17) Kendall probably would have been unaware as to who Clarence Wiedman was. When she read about his murder (from my part one), the news coverage would have informed her that he was a former Kane Enterprises chief of security, and she would have thought she had proof of Jake Kane’s involvement in Aaron’s death.
I liked having Duncan not be the actual father of Meg’s baby (although it meant having to talk about icky incest) because of 1) the irony of giving up his life unnecessarily and 2) he loves his daughter anyways, similar to the situation between Veronica and her dad in season one. I also wanted to rehabilitate the poor character a little bit. I never liked the way Veronica turned into a doormat around him, but I don’t think he deserved the hatred he got from the fans. I’m not sure anyone could handle violent fits that necessitated medicine with difficult side effects plus the news that your girlfriend was your sister (i.e., your dad is a cheating scum) with aplomb. Teddy Dunn got a bad rap.
About writing the fic:
In July 2007, I was going through a rough time. My dad was slowly dying of Alzheimer’s and my mother had been diagnosed with a slow-progressing, but incurable, hereditary cancer. My mother had reacted badly to moving into a nursing home and had developed psychosis and was committed for a period to a psychiatric ward. I had an intractable knee problem that was limiting me physically. I had spent all my available funds on a new car, anticipating that I would have to drive 800 miles roundtrip to see my parents on a regular basis, and was unable to sell my old car (grrrr), so I was completely broke. On a unique vacation that was sorely needed, I chose to stay at home and relax (it was economical, you see).
One day during that vacation, I casually did a Google seach for Veronica Mars novels (hoping there was such a thing) and discovered VM fanfiction. I hoovered up a lot of stories in the next four weeks and then...I had an idea. The first day, I wrote for 16 hours straight. For about two weeks, I lived and breathed my fic. It was coincidentally slow at work for me, so I was able to spend a lot of time writing, and I loved it.
After about a month, I decided to try to find a beta. Being a total noob, I didn’t ask the right people (they were obviously already burned out on the fandom and completely blew me off). I was discouraged, thinking that they thought my story was crap, and I stopped writing for a while.
My travails continued: my uncle died, and my mother was severely depressed about the death of her brother and her poor prognosis. She continued to be irrational. I tried writing again: it still seemed a good outlet and was making me happy even without anyone reading it, so I continued.
I had about 3/4 of YLD1 written in early October 2007. I was still reading fic (and being a little better about commenting) and increasingly felt like my story was good enough for other people to read. “Maybe they’ll even like it!!” It seemed like Fanfiction was more welcoming. I saw a lot of stories there that weren’t even spell-checked. I figured, “Hey, at least I spell-checked,” and I posted a few chapters. I got a few comments. I have to say, I didn’t set the fanfiction world on fire. I was supremely naïve about the concept that I now call “fanfic goggles”, where fanfic readers comment about stores based on if they like what the characters do, rather than commenting on the writing itself, and greatly prefer unrealistic happy endings that (to me) are completely antithetical to the original noirish Veronica Mars.
YLD1 was almost completely plotted out and organized before I posted a word. I’m a completist: I probably would have posted the whole thing even if people were flaming me. I realized pretty quickly I was probably not going to get a lot of comments because I was posting under the “M” section at Fanfiction (I actually take the ratings system seriously since I am well over 18). The actual amount of comments was not a big deal--I really did write it mostly for fun, to entertain myself and make myself laugh during a difficult period in my life.
What comments I got were mostly positive enough that they made me feel good about spending all this time on a hobby. Anyways...I finished up part one, edited it a little based on some comments about the main mystery, and then posted it in a few huge chunks at livejournal. I think I didn’t care much what kind of comments I would get at livejournal. Of course I hoped people would like it and tell me so, but I have to say, it seemed like the comm was dying around that time (Dec. 2007).
I received pretty good comments on livejournal. It made me happy. Some people were really encouraging, commenting on multiple chapters. I’m well aware that the writing is clumsy in part one, especially at the beginning. And some of my plot choices turned off some of the VM fic readers who had been around for a long time (I had no idea about the schism regarding Mac/Dick or the general, unswerving hatred of Piz--I wrote what made me laugh, period). But I had made a few friends among my readers, generally the comments were positive, and my real-life friends were noticing that I seemed happier and more fulfilled. A close friend read YLD1 without ever having watched the show, and he liked it, especially chapter 47. (Yeah, baby!)
So I decided to write a sequel. I started basically the same way I started my part one. Who can I kill that won’t upset my readers but will still have a personal resonance for Logan and Veronica? I also wanted to cause problems for the relationship without actually breaking them up; I thought that was harder to write than a fic where they were apart and then came together, and I relished the challenge. And of course, I thought they had a multitude of issues to explore, more than enough for an epic fic without breaking them up. Like a moron, I had also set up a bunch of scenarios in the epilogue to my part one, so I had to address all of those as well. Once I decided to kill Hannah, I started researching.
I also decided to make an homage to season two, although hopefully without all the confusion that really detracted me as I watched that season. By this point, I was thinking I liked writing enough that I might eventually try to write something publishable, and I thought weaving complex plots together might make me grow as a writer. And I’m a very organized person; I thought I could pull it off (although a few of my subplots turned out to be difficult in their timing, and the overall fic suffered from me spinning my wheels). It occurred that the multiple plots would be a way to keep all the secondary characters in the story, and I truly love those characters and miss them almost as most as I miss Veronica and Logan.
I researched boarding schools and found some links about tough-love programs right away and was immediately struck by the potential resonance of this plot. I got a couple books and began reading. (I’m going to write specifically about some fictional liberties I took a little later.) I kept saying, “Holy fuck, holy fuck.” And that was before I read about some of the “treatments” that were done to girls who were accused of being slutty.
I had two main problems: how to keep Logan involved if Veronica went undercover at the school and how to have Keith allow her to do this. I could have had Veronica run off and go undercover on her own, or perhaps with Logan’s help, but I was interested in drawing parallels between all the father/daughter pairs in the VM universe: Veronica and Keith, Duncan and his daughter, Stewart Manning and Meg, even a little bit of Jake Kane and Lilly. Veronica and Keith’s relationship was the most interesting for me. It had become so damaged during season two and three after almost an idealized relationship in season one. And their whole dynamic is interesting since they base their life’s work on investigating, yet are forced to conceal their methods because of their overwhelming credo that the ends justify the means (that’s Logan’s credo, too). There is a point in the fic where Keith wonders about their relationship: both he and Veronica consider their relationship to be strong and loving, yet they both conceal so much from the other, especially in my story.
There’s really no way to justify Keith allowing Veronica to go undercover at Briar Hill, and no way to justify him allowing the investigation to go on as long as it did. But maybe you can temporarily suspend your disbelief since I had Keith slightly off-balance from the sleazy actions he had to take to get Vinnie out from under the Fitzpatricks.
It’s also completely unbelievable that Keith would let Logan go undercover with his beloved daughter...but I couldn’t resist. Maybe I should have had Logan show up at Briar Hill, determined to protect his girly-girl, and they reluctantly let him participate in the operation. I don’t know...part of what I enjoyed writing in that section was Logan’s degeneration coupled with his insistence that he be allowed to continue, and his later angst over everything that happened. And I don’t think anyone was expecting that Logan would have such a hard time—you knew it was going to be bad for Veronica and hard for Logan to watch it, but I was hoping you wouldn’t anticipate what being a guard would actually do to him.
Keith was very useful to me for the entire Briar Hill plot, since he has such a strong moral compass. His outrage is your outrage, because we respect his opinion. I really wanted to talk about the school through his eyes, and his research into the school early on let me introduce some of the concepts I was going to use once Veronica was undercover.
Two of the other characters, the attorney Epstein and the sociology professor Kinney served purposes of illuminating facts about the tough-love industry that would otherwise be hard to express. Kinney also helped me to show how the experience was warping Logan.
Speaking of warping Logan, let’s get back to writing the fic. I was about four posts ahead when I started posting in early February 2008. I started having serious and mysterious medical problems (still not completely resolved, by the way). And that really affected the fic in a couple of important ways. I was pretty depressed, so I ended up expanding the story of Logan’s depressive reaction to Hannah’s death much more than I intended. This then created problems of dealing with his state of mind even after they reunited. So the story began to explode. As it got more depressive and angsty, I had to start including a lot of comic relief, dreams, and sex fantasies to keep people reading, so it got even bigger! Yikes!
I also lost my lead. By April, when I was at my very worst medically, considering the possibility of a permanent disability of unknown cause that would rob me of my real-life career, I had posted all I had written.
The problem with that is that it’s easy to write to comments when you post as you go. I really tried not to, but I’m sure that comments influenced me. I did, however, manage to hold out against all the people who wanted me to have Logan impregnate Veronica. There’s nothing wrong with fics about pregnancy, but it’s not what I wanted to write about in this fic, despite claiming in my header that it was a fic about fatherhood.
So now I was in the situation that I had a super-long fic that was completely out of my control. My overall scheme (one third Veronica searching for and reuniting with Logan, one third Veronica undercover, one third Veronica wrapping up the main mystery) was seeming impossible. And although I knew Hannah’s killer and the reason from the beginning, there were many minor plot points that had to be resolved along the way. I was pretty lucky: I left many things in my plot loose enough so that when I eventually got to them, I could resolve them in ways that I liked.
Back to Logan. As I thought about the undercover operation I was going to send Veronica on, I tried to find a way to keep Logan involved. By coincidence, I saw Philip Zimbardo on ‘The Daily Show’. I got “The Lucifer Effect”, a book on the Stanford Prison Experiment and the nature of evil in general, out of the library and began to read. Obviously, there was also a connection to the VM episode that dealt specifically with the experiment, but even more importantly, I saw that forcing Logan to be an undercover guard at the school would bring up specific psychological issues of his own abuse, as well as test his complicated relationship with Veronica.
Now I was thinking a lot about what Veronica’s experience would be. I had flashed forward to a few scenes where you saw that the school was damaging, even physically hurtful. What I didn’t show you was that the school’s therapy would instinctively target Veronica’s character flaws.
Just because the tough-love schools are evil (my opinion) doesn’t mean that they would be not be very skilled at discovering just what makes people tick. You can’t perform psychological manipulation, day in, day out, without beginning to develop skills in understanding people, albeit in damaging ways. And I think they would quickly see Veronica’s tendency to be a user, especially if they are used to dealing with addicts. (A couple points: 1. I am allowed to call Veronica a ‘user’, because I truly love the character. 2. At least some of the students at these schools actually need some sort of treatment, rehab or therapy, because they are truly addicts or have psychological problems that predated their time at the school. I hope I made that clear.)
I said a long time ago to one of my commenters that I would discuss why I used the flashforward structure at the end of the fic. It was not for foreshadowing, at least in the sense that most people use that word in fiction, in other words, to ramp up the excitement by previewing some future tension.
I know my audience is young. My preference would be that my readers were 17 and over. Despite my use of the ratings and the warning system on lj, I feared that younger readers would be reading the fic. So I used the flashforwards to prepare my younger readers for what was coming. Used in a novel, I think the flashforwards would have been a little too spoilery and clichéd. But used in my fanfiction story, they consciously prepared you for Veronica to have a very bad experience. There was hopefully enough that I didn’t tell you in the flashforwards that the scenes in the school was still compelling. Some people were apparently hoping that those flashforwards were all nightmares.
The last group therapy was a particularly horrifying scene of course, with Veronica at her most vulnerable and practically mind-raped by Klein. I was watching the comments, deciding if I could write what I wanted to happen at the end of the undercover operation. When I planned the fic, I thought there was no way I could write such a scene in a fanfic. But when I got there, I decided to go for it; people had been able to read some pretty bad scenes before that without being turned off (of course, we’ll never know how many people slammed their laptops shut in disgust at my story when Veronica was strip-searched).
The flashforwards were another problem that ended up expanding the fic. It took longer to incorporate all those scenes than I had anticipated, and they had to be balanced with Wallace and Weevil banter, or Dick acting like Dick.
I think I was a little perverse about Leo. The more that people bitched about how out-of-character he was, the more I led him astray. (That’s just how I am.) But evil Leo was fun to write! And my goodness, look at all the stupid things that Veronica did on the show that I was able to draw into the fic with Leo’s vendetta. The vendetta itself grew too large, since it was relief from what was going on in Briar Hill at the same time. Then it had to be resolved properly! Arggh.
Mac’s and Wallace’s plots suffered greatly because of the main plot exploding. If my original proportions had held, those subsidiary plots would not have seemed as slight as they ended up. Mac was in Witness Protection for too long; I had to stall to let the main plot catch up to her plot. And Wallace’s plot completely ran out of steam, and I had to wussify him, making him back off and do a stupid organizational chart of the Fitzpatricks.
This is why you’re not supposed to post as you go!!
Then...as the fic approached 300,000 words, a new problem started cropping up. In part one, I would go back and reread the whole fic several times a week. This was impossible as the fic got huge. So some ideas I planted early on were ignored. The teacher’s name at Briar Hill got changed accidentally from Keith’s early research. I used a name again accidentally (poniesforall noticed it, but didn’t know why, then reassured me no one else would see it when I realized why she had noticed it). Other things were introduced and never referred to again. I screwed up the timeline very slightly right before the operation when I switched the order of two scenes (I don’t think anyone but me caught it, and it’s fixed, somewhat clumsily, now).
I made a gross error right after the undercover operation: Veronica has forgotten the events of the last day, yet when her dad starts saying, “You know, you can tell me anything about the party,” she knows immediately what he’s talking about. It’s been fixed now: Veronica thinks to herself, “oh my god, those flashes weren’t dreams, I was talking about my rape.”
There was another large misstep around this point that some of my commenters noticed (thank you for telling me). Veronica was a little too “okay” right after they came back to Neptune, and then she fell apart too quickly. And Keith berated her a little too harshly about Gory considering what she had just been through—I don’t believe he is that insensitive. So I have gone back and edited that section. Now Veronica flashes on some of the Briar Hill rhetoric while Leo is interrogating her about Kendall and when her dad becomes upset about the assassination attempt; in addition, I tried to make Keith’s reaction more clearly his terror about the situation, that she is misinterpreting as anger. And I think that works much better for the character arc. My beta poniesforall was sort of surprised that I would go back and do that (because I don’t really expect anyone to reread such a long fic), but I’m feeling like I’m putting my baby to bed with the last update, and I want to try to get it as right as I can.
I have to say, I think I was pretty good about updating this fic until September 2008. I don’t think I went more than two weeks without updating; I thrived on the discipline and the back and forth with my betas. It was a constant, during a period when I was really struggling with my health, and even more than that, my worries about my health.
Then my dad died. Then it became apparent that a pointless biopsy that I had been pressured into having early on in my illness was not healing properly, and might become a permanent problem. Then my brother and his wife starting creating problems with my dad’s estate and my mother’s healthcare (they will truly burn in hell).
And then a couple months later my mom died, just as I was fighting with doctors to get treatment for my botched biopsy. I was a mess.
It was difficult to update regularly. I was upset about everything. I wrote a fic about psychosis (“Vertigo”), using my mom and dad’s symptoms and dealing with the themes of grieving and loss.
In case you didn’t notice, I’m pretty tough, and although I can’t really tell you just how bad it was, I made it through, and I managed to update, albeit at less frequent intervals. Some days writing the fic helped me keep it together when it seemed like everything was hopeless. I still hate my brother and most doctors.
I do think the overall structure of the fic suffered with my own struggles. I wrote too much, and the storylines were way too complicated, because I always thought I was being completely obvious about all the mysteries. And then there were times when I would have to add in smut or comedy to try to leaven the despair that the main characters were enduring. So...you ended up with 151 chapters and over 500,000 words.
Now, all that being said...
I learned a lot more this time around. People were consistently commenting, post after post. Quite a few readers gave me stream-of-consciousness feedback that pointed out what was working for them. I didn’t get as many comments about my humor as I wanted, but that just made me work harder to make the jokes funnier. I worried about people getting confused by my multitude of plots, and, about halfway through, I started writing a ‘previously on’ for every post. It’s one thing to write an homage to season two; it’s another thing to confuse people the way I think RT did (raise your hand if you completely understood the Fitzpatrick and Kendall plots on the first viewing).
Even more importantly, this time I worked with several beta readers. What an amazing experience! Poniesforall betaed every single chapter. Minip did almost every chapter. Aly88, Sobertears, Dragynflies, and Zaftig_Darling also helped out, and Wily_One24 helped on Veronica’s rape timeline. The back and forth was incredible. They helped with characterization, dialogue, plotting...everything. They caught a lot of errors along the way. They were so generous with their own time and were supportive when I was struggling with my health issues, especially Poniesforall, who had to hear all my anger at the medical professionals who were so egregiously incompetent and uncaring. I think she and I averaged well more than one email per day as we worked together and tried to support each other with all of life’s vicissitudes.
Things I learned while writing this fic:
1) Gimp sex gets old fast.
2) It doesn’t matter how hot it is, no one in VM fandom wants to read a Duncan or Kendall smut scene.
3) You can’t make all your readers happy. I mean, I knew this, but man....
4) Do not post as you go.
5) Do not set up a fic with multiple storylines before you have outlined it. I repeat, do not set up a fic with multiple storylines before you have outlined it.
About the tough-love schools:
I had four main sources for my research about the schools.
Szalavitz, Maia. Help At Any Cost. New York: Riverhead Books, 2006.
Parks, Alexia. An American Gulag. Eldorado Springs, CO: Quality Books, Inc., 2000.
Zimbardo, Philip. The Lucifer Effect. New York: Random House, 2007.
”Over the GW”, a film by Nick Gaglia, a survivor of a tough-love program
The film is pretty disturbing. I tried to only use things from that film that I also found in the other two books (such as the hard plastic blue chairs and the arm-waving in group therapy), because I did not want my story to be a rehash of that movie. However, I’m sure that the character of Klein was influenced by the charismatic leader of the rehab as portrayed in the film.
One particular thing that I did take from the film was the idea that an addict only has three choices: the program, prison, or death. I felt it was okay to use that since AA rhetoric stresses these concepts to a lesser degree, and it seemed like a typical concept that a tough-love institution would espouse.
The following things are all true about tough-love schools, according to my research:
- transport services that use handcuffs (and usually take kids in the middle of the night in their pajamas)
- no contact with the parents after they arrive at the school
- students are asked to sign voluntary commitment papers, which sometimes allow the schools to keep them, at great cost to the parents, after their eighteenth birthday
- forced solitary confinement and the use of stress positions as punishment
- poor nutrition, restriction of bathroom privileges, and sleep deprivation
- forced physical activity, including hikes and calisthenics, especially in the wilderness programs [Several deaths have occurred in these programs.]
- the takedowns I described as a common response to a student exhibiting anything other than absolute compliance
- endless therapy sessions are ubiquitous, with students encouraged to tell their deepest secrets, and rewards are given for the most outlandish stories, which leads to made-up tales. [See for instance the press coverage on Kennedy cousin Michael Skakel, convicted murderer of Martha Moxley. I’m not drawing a conclusion in that particular case, but in his trial, other students revealed typical school practices at the institution where Skakel was sent.]
- most of the schools are not accredited, and a diploma is not accepted by most colleges; the instructors are usually not certified teachers or licensed therapists, but rather graduates of the program. The schools are self-accredited, by an association comprised of the member schools.
- as students advance, they become ‘oldcomers’, and participate in the ‘therapy’ of ‘newcomers’; they embrace the program in order to get the hell out of there and in the process become abusers themselves.
- forced reenactments of bad behavior and roleplaying occur at these programs, including making rape victims take responsibility for their actions.
- the worst tough-love schools are outside the US, where basically anything goes, including torture, rape, and solitary confinement.
- when students have escaped, their parents routinely send them back; the schools warn parents that their children will lie to them.
- lawsuits against these programs have been generally unsuccessful, even in cases of death due to neglect. The schools operate within the letter of the law, due to loopholes in US law regarding the rights of children.
- payoffs to politicians definitely occur. A former governor of my state was implicated in such a scandal, although it received little publicity. In the most recent presidential campaign, the chief fundraiser in Utah for one of the Republican candidates is president of the association that accredits the real-life tough-love schools. Many tough-love programs were started with government funds during the Reagan administration (“Just say no”).
- some state authorities routinely send offenders to these programs, where the recidivism rate is higher than no treatment at all.
- once released, the suicide rate of students previously incarcerated at these institutions is very high compared to young adults in general or other drug abusers treated more conventionally.
I hope you’re getting my point: the schools seem completely bleak in my opinion, if not outright criminal and evil. Their efficacy is at best unproven and, as my characters told you, many of the students actually get worse with the ‘treatment’ there. And some students definitely shouldn’t be there at all; they need actual psychiatric treatment or medication, or even more tragically, just better parents.
What I changed: “belt-looping” is a standard practice, where oldcomers control the newcomers by grasping a belt loop at the back of their waist. It’s demeaning and effective. However, at Briar Hill, I had them wear sweats due to the bug Veronica used (I don’t remember the exact issue right now, but it seemed important at the time). Tethers are infrequent, although they were mentioned in one of my sources.
There really aren’t a lot of guards at tough-love schools. It’s more commonly recent graduates and the older students controlling the younger ones, which is actually creepier, but I wanted Logan on scene, to protect her, and to be affected himself. That also allowed me to draw parallels with the Stanford Prison Experiment and Kinney’s experiment in season 3.
What I had to make up: my Briar Hill rhetoric was lifted from the above sources and from AA and cults, especially EST, which my research said influenced the jargon and methodology employed by the schools. As you research about cults, you start to notice all the similarities in tactics and lingo. There’s a reason why people join cults—they are good at what they do. Note that there aren’t a lot of first-person accounts by students at the tough-love schools, except for some postings on internet boards, so I really don’t know how accurately I portrayed the attack therapy or the lectures at Briar Hill.
If you’re curious, you can look at the websites for two schools which are reputed to be ‘tough-love’ schools, and a couple articles about Elan School, which had a lot of publicity due to the Michael Skakel trial. I read hundreds of articles about the tough-love industry while writing this book in addition to the primary sources listed. I don’t think I exaggerated the problems at these places.
http://www.academyivyridge.com/
http://www.elanschool.com/
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/06/02/style/skeletons-in-the-classroom.html?pagewanted=all
http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/news/state/070325elan.html
A note about AA: Alcoholics Anonymous has helped people, and there are good people involved in that organization (including some of my friends who are recovered alcoholics). But I’m disturbed by some of the research I found. You will have to make up your own mind. I know that when I had some concerns about my own drinking some years ago, I found that program called Moderation Management seemed more sane and based on sounder psychological research than what I read about AA. In particular, I’m not a person that gives myself over to a higher power; I believe in personal responsibility. And I don’t like the accusatory and defeatist tone of much of AA’s rhetoric.
Cults: I have some personal experience with cults. A good friend has been in a destructive cult since I’ve known her; we worked for the same employer, who was also a part of the cult. We’ve grown apart, and I don’t know if she’s still involved, but I assume she is. The cult insists on severing ties with family, tithing, forced psychiatric sessions, and communal living situations (single-sex); and actively discourages monogamous relationships (even within the cult) and friendships with non-cult members. Cult members are expected to have sex with multiple other members of the cult, because the concept of a family unit is believed to be destructive. Children are parented communally, and the cult is organized around tiers of psychiatrists who control the members.
Several other friends of mine were involved in an offshoot of EST, that also featured elements of a pyramid scheme. I was heavily recruited to join as well, but I had zero interest, mostly because I’m cheap, and they wanted my hard-earned money. At the time, I thought it was just a scam, but now I’m more inclined to call it a cult because of the mind control and reeducation that was involved.
It’s easy to say “I’d never join a cult.” And I am just about the most cynical person in the world, and I tend to relate to the statement that “religion is the opiate of the masses.” But I remember the EST meeting I went to: the rhetoric did not seem outlandish. The only thing that alerted me was a member invading my personal space, getting right in my face and telling me I needed this workshop (I have a little bit of crowd phobia, so I don’t like strangers coming close to me). He locked eyes with me from about six inches away, and suddenly alarm bells went off.
About Rio Linda: I swear I just picked a town that was close to Sacramento that had a name that sounded “Californian”. But then...when I started to research Rio Linda, I found out that it actually does have a reputation as a town of ill-repute (Rush Limbaugh quite frequently refers to it sardonically, implying that its residents are stupid or ‘lowlifes’; on another website, I found postings that seemed to indicate that Sacramento residents referred to Rio Linda as a real ‘cow town’). Then, when I was trying to figure out my Fitzpatricks plot, I read a news story about a plane crash in Rio Linda. I swear I tried to find another plot device, but nothing I tried worked as well as the plane crash (I added of course a payload of drugs from Canada). So that’s where that came from, and I hereby apologize to the long-suffering residents of Rio Linda.
About Jake being Kendall’s killer: my original plan called for Carney to also be Kendall’s killer. In the summer of 2008, a short time after I wrote the chapters where Veronica is undercover, I began to reconsider. It just didn’t seem like enough of a twist—it was not a solution that was worth of the Veronica Mars name. I thought more about it and realized that either Duncan or Jake killing Kendall would be a far more satisfying twist, and Jake would the better choice, relating to the finales of all three seasons. It actually was a far better choice that worked with my ‘father’ theme as well. I had left the clues for Kendall’s murder vague enough that I could slot Jake in as the murderer.
My first concept of the twist ending was very noir: Veronica figures it out and confronts Jake and Celeste, but she can’t tell anyone because Jake has the goods on both her (her role as accomplice in the babynapping) and her dad (Jake had listening devices planted and would hear Leo and Keith talking about the sextapes and the arson--this got axed somewhere along the way). Veronica would be frustrated, the killer would get off scot-free, and the ending would be a downer, although true to noir fiction/movies.
As I got to the end, I started writing Veronica as very ‘damaged’ from what I had put her through. She wasn’t seeing herself as heroic or strong anymore, and I needed to get her back to herself. I thought about having Logan manipulate her into solving Kendall’s murder, but the characters were completely uncooperative. Mac kept saying to Logan, “But maybe Veronica has changed, and you guys are being really mean. And P.S., Veronica’s totally going to kick your ass when she finds out what you did!” It truly did seem cruel of Logan to manipulate her the way I had him doing (everyone was being secretive and sneaky, trying to tempt Veronica’s natural curiosity). I couldn’t see Veronica forgiving him, ever. So I changed it; good ol’ Duncan asks for help again, Keith decides Veronica needs protecting and Veronica herself keeps vowing that she has to quit; however, Veronica can’t help herself. She’s curious when she sees Ratner and wonders what’s going on; and then, when she is finally let in on what’s going on, she puts it together and she is the one who manipulates Jake into confessing, thereby saving Duncan once again.
This ending seemed far more true to Veronica Mars to me. Veronica is an accomplished behaviorist: she understands people’s motivations and uses it to her advantage. She’s willing to twist the truth in order to achieve an end that’s greater, according to her moral code. And she used Leo the way she so often used Lamb, and he knew it and was ruefully okay with it. This ending was a way for Veronica to also get back to her true self: someone who has conviction about what is morally right. The ending felt a little rushed perhaps, compared to all the angsty writhing which came before it. But I was ready to see her vanquish her demons, and you probably were too.
In the end, I showed her as somewhat conflicted: she shows empathy for Maria and Beaver; she says about her rape and her experience at Briar Hill, “it just is,” rather than lashing out and blaming someone; and in general, she has changed because of what I put her through. She had her victories, but she’s still in therapy, and she’s still trying to figure out her relationship with Logan and what the hell she’s going to do with her life. And she still has to face Klein at trial...she’s confident but knows the difficulties that are ahead of her.
My version of noir was about shades of gray. I wanted it to be tragic and hopeful all at once, because that’s really what life is. We muddle through and try to hold onto our ideals and the people who love us. She’s not quite as vindictive or smug as she was in season 3; she’s been humbled, but still has that inner core of strength that makes us love her. And above all, she finally seems to have realized what she needs to make her happy...love, family, work, friends, and life’s challenges.
Hopefully the ending worked for you as well. But you can read my original noirish ending below
Jake Kane opens the door. "Veronica...Logan," he says finally, noting their somber expressions.
"May we come in?" Veronica asks.
Jake leads them to the living room. Celeste is reading a magazine and looks up sharply as they enter.
"Mrs. Kane," Logan acknowledges.
"Veronica, thank you for helping Duncan with his custody hearing," Celeste says in a brittle voice.
"Of course," Veronica replies. "So was it your idea to kill Kendall?"
"What are you talking about? Do you ever make sense, Veronica?" Celeste stands up and moves to the bar.
"I'm sure I'll never be able to prove it," Veronica continues. "But I believed Liam Fitzpatrick when he said he didn't kill her."
"Are you wearing a wire, Veronica? Trying to finish the job your father couldn't quite manage to make the Kanes pay for my husband's indiscretion with your mother?" Celeste asks as she pours herself a drink. She pours a second and walks it over to her husband. "Would you like a drink? Some wine, perhaps? We're all adults now."
"No thank you, and I'm not wearing a wire," she replies.
Jake says, "Do you really want to know, Veronica? Yes, Veronica, when Kendall threatened to tell the sheriff that she had seen my head of security at the Neptune Grand the day Aaron Echolls was killed, I had to do what was necessary."
"So you stole a car and lured Kendall with the promise of money. A lot of money, I'm assuming."
"You're doing well so far. You tell me," Jake says.
"How did you steal the car, Jake? I'm guessing you don't have much experience with a slim jim."
"But I do have experience with computer software. Kane Software has been developing encryption software to prevent hackers from opening remote car locks wirelessly. I just made sure to select an older model vehicle which has no encryption. And it was pretty easy to create a radio frequency generating device that would replicate the RFID chip in an ignition key. It's quite simple if you know the algorithms. It's not anywhere near as difficult as, say, streaming video."
"But it was still taking a big chance. With Duncan not having an alibi–"
"What are you talking about?" Jake interrupts. "Kendall assumed that I had hired Wiedman. There was no need to protect–"
"Oh, you didn't know. Duncan was having an affair with her."
"What?" Celeste exclaims.
"Yeah, your precious boy was sleeping with Kendall. He didn't know who she was, of course," Veronica explains. "Leo found out, and he was investigating Duncan. Duncan was almost arrested because you killed Kendall."
Jake swallows half of his drink in a single gulp and stands up to pace around the room. "Kendall didn't seem to have considered that Duncan might have been behind the execution, and I didn't disabuse her of the notion."
"Everyone always did underestimate the guy," Logan comments. "But when he had to, he stepped in and took his kid to protect her, and he made sure that Aaron paid for his sins when the state didn't."
"What if Kendall had left something behind that would implicate you?" Veronica asks.
"It didn't matter...I had an airtight alibi. Celeste and I watched a movie together on the cook's night off. We recorded our conversations, and it was a simple matter to substitute the movie soundtrack with the recording of the ambient room sound. That night, after I left to take care of our problem with Kendall, Celeste started the movie playing. She called the cook to bring some refreshments to our room; the cook heard me talking and of course assumed I was there in the room. Perhaps an hour later, Celeste called the cook to take away the dishes and, again, the cook heard me laughing at a joke in the movie.," Jake replies smugly. "I have to thank you, Veronica. I got the idea from the tape recording ploy you did with Astrid."
"And of course you dumped the stolen car in Fitzpatrick territory, unlocked."
Jake shrugs. "It was a pretty safe bet that a Lexus would be chopped up within an hour. I dumped the gun off the Coronado Bridge the next day."
"Who searched Kendall's room at the Grand? I'm betting you didn't want to take the chance you would be caught on a security camera."
"Astrid checked in under an assumed name the day before. She didn't leave for several days to avoid raising suspicion. She owes us...and of course she's just as guilty of abetting kidnapping as you are, Veronica. She does as she's told."
"How did she get into Kendall's room?" Logan asks.
"I borrowed Duncan's key card to make a master key that would open any door in the Neptune Grand. Secure magnetic coding technology is another area of research at Kane Software."
"And you're not worried that we've figured this out?" Logan asks, nervous about the Kanes' ease.
"Well, Veronica, I've known for years now that your father takes his informants to the steam room of the Neptune Athletic Club. He had quite an interesting conversation with our local sheriff the other night. It seems that both of them are guilty of tampering with evidence. I don't think anyone will be looking at me as a suspect for any crimes in the future."
"The steam room?" Veronica gasps. She remembers fussing at her dad to cancel his little-used and expensive membership at the gym, but he had always refused and never gave her an explanation.
"Your father is under the impression that the humidity in there would destroy an electronic recording device, but that's not really accurate anymore. In the late 90's, Kane Software had a military contract to design surveillance gear for rugged situations. The technology might not be available to civilians, but it exists. Would you like to hear the real story of the arson your father committed to protect you, Veronica? I can burn you a CD if you'd like."
"None of this would have been necessary if you had supported your son when we found out about the baby–" Veronica protests hotly.
Placidly, Jake explains, "Veronica, your father and I are not so different after all, as it turns out. When I thought Duncan had murdered his sister, I manipulated the evidence to protect him. And your father did the same to prevent you from being charged as an accessory to kidnapping." He sips at his drink as Veronica fumes.
Logan says intensely, "You are not half the man Keith Mars is."
"I'd like to leave," Celeste replies coldly. "We really don't have to speak to you, and frankly, I'd prefer never to see your faces again."
Jake leads them to the door. As they cross the threshold, he warns, "Don't forget, Veronica, you will never be clear of that accessory charge. I'm quite clear on the exact sequence of events from that time, and my son has immunity. There's nothing preventing me from telling the authorities just how you managed to get my son across the border. You see, former Sheriff Van Lowe paid me a visit after he was released from prison. I gather he was raising some funds to finance a life on the run from the Fitzpatricks, and he told me quite a detailed story about your plan in exchange for $50,000. I think you would be best served to forget all about Kendall Casablancas, Veronica. The authorities will charge Liam Fitzpatrick for her murder, and he'll be convicted." He shuts the door.
Logan takes Veronica's hand in his. "Are you all right?"
"I had to know," she mutters, shaking with anger and apprehension.
"I know you did," he says..
As I researched, preparatory to writing YLD2, I had several insights about VM Canon that led to this fic.
1) Epilepsy drugs affect fertility.
2) Leo stole both tapes when one would have been enough to sell to the tabloids, so there had to be another reason he stole them.
3) Logan would have been technically guilty of statutory rape if he had slept with Hannah. If she was younger than 15 and he was over 18, this would have actually been quite a serious crime. (An age difference of three years or less is usually not prosecuted.)
4) Kendall was in the room when Dr. Griffith made his deal with Logan.
5) Many canon characters believed Kendall actually slept with Duncan (also: quite a few Duncan-hating fans).
6) There is a three year statute of limitations on burglary in the State of California; there is a ‘clock’ that runs while you are in the state. So after three years, Veronica cannot be prosecuted for the Manning break-in, but Duncan can, because the clock hadn’t been running for him.
7) Veronica will never be completely safe from prosecution for her part in the Manning babynapping.
8) It was Beaver who told Veronica about Logan’s lack of alibi.
9) Beaver didn’t know that Veronica had identified her rapist as Duncan. (No one knew, except Logan, Duncan, and Carrie Bishop. Why was Carrie so circumspect? You would think that would have been juicy gossip. Hmm.)
10) Beaver probably thought it would be a good thing if Veronica blew up on the bus, in case she remembered the night of her rape. He of course was unaware that she was anything other than drunk that night and was probably terrified she’d remember what happened.
11) Aaron’s murder is still unsolved, and Kendall was there when it happened.
12) Dr. Griffith was a plastic surgeon. If Kendall survived in the desert, she might have come to him to change her appearance (since he was another Fitzpatrick confederate and known to be a sleaze).
13) If anyone saw Clarence Wiedman at the Neptune Grand when Aaron was murdered, they would have assumed that Jake Kane was involved, not Duncan.
14) One of the reasons Dr. Griffith would have sent Hannah away would be to protect her from retribution by the Fitzpatricks—he had just made that deal with Logan, and Liam was sure to be furious.
15) Why did Liam target Logan so relentlessly for Felix’s murder? There was no reason for the Fitzpatricks to keep targeting Logan: Lamb was not actively investigating the Fitzpatricks, in fact Lamb seemed not to care about Felix’s murder at all.
16) Why didn’t the Fitzpatricks exact revenge on Dr. Griffith for changing his testimony?
17) Kendall probably would have been unaware as to who Clarence Wiedman was. When she read about his murder (from my part one), the news coverage would have informed her that he was a former Kane Enterprises chief of security, and she would have thought she had proof of Jake Kane’s involvement in Aaron’s death.
I liked having Duncan not be the actual father of Meg’s baby (although it meant having to talk about icky incest) because of 1) the irony of giving up his life unnecessarily and 2) he loves his daughter anyways, similar to the situation between Veronica and her dad in season one. I also wanted to rehabilitate the poor character a little bit. I never liked the way Veronica turned into a doormat around him, but I don’t think he deserved the hatred he got from the fans. I’m not sure anyone could handle violent fits that necessitated medicine with difficult side effects plus the news that your girlfriend was your sister (i.e., your dad is a cheating scum) with aplomb. Teddy Dunn got a bad rap.
About writing the fic:
In July 2007, I was going through a rough time. My dad was slowly dying of Alzheimer’s and my mother had been diagnosed with a slow-progressing, but incurable, hereditary cancer. My mother had reacted badly to moving into a nursing home and had developed psychosis and was committed for a period to a psychiatric ward. I had an intractable knee problem that was limiting me physically. I had spent all my available funds on a new car, anticipating that I would have to drive 800 miles roundtrip to see my parents on a regular basis, and was unable to sell my old car (grrrr), so I was completely broke. On a unique vacation that was sorely needed, I chose to stay at home and relax (it was economical, you see).
One day during that vacation, I casually did a Google seach for Veronica Mars novels (hoping there was such a thing) and discovered VM fanfiction. I hoovered up a lot of stories in the next four weeks and then...I had an idea. The first day, I wrote for 16 hours straight. For about two weeks, I lived and breathed my fic. It was coincidentally slow at work for me, so I was able to spend a lot of time writing, and I loved it.
After about a month, I decided to try to find a beta. Being a total noob, I didn’t ask the right people (they were obviously already burned out on the fandom and completely blew me off). I was discouraged, thinking that they thought my story was crap, and I stopped writing for a while.
My travails continued: my uncle died, and my mother was severely depressed about the death of her brother and her poor prognosis. She continued to be irrational. I tried writing again: it still seemed a good outlet and was making me happy even without anyone reading it, so I continued.
I had about 3/4 of YLD1 written in early October 2007. I was still reading fic (and being a little better about commenting) and increasingly felt like my story was good enough for other people to read. “Maybe they’ll even like it!!” It seemed like Fanfiction was more welcoming. I saw a lot of stories there that weren’t even spell-checked. I figured, “Hey, at least I spell-checked,” and I posted a few chapters. I got a few comments. I have to say, I didn’t set the fanfiction world on fire. I was supremely naïve about the concept that I now call “fanfic goggles”, where fanfic readers comment about stores based on if they like what the characters do, rather than commenting on the writing itself, and greatly prefer unrealistic happy endings that (to me) are completely antithetical to the original noirish Veronica Mars.
YLD1 was almost completely plotted out and organized before I posted a word. I’m a completist: I probably would have posted the whole thing even if people were flaming me. I realized pretty quickly I was probably not going to get a lot of comments because I was posting under the “M” section at Fanfiction (I actually take the ratings system seriously since I am well over 18). The actual amount of comments was not a big deal--I really did write it mostly for fun, to entertain myself and make myself laugh during a difficult period in my life.
What comments I got were mostly positive enough that they made me feel good about spending all this time on a hobby. Anyways...I finished up part one, edited it a little based on some comments about the main mystery, and then posted it in a few huge chunks at livejournal. I think I didn’t care much what kind of comments I would get at livejournal. Of course I hoped people would like it and tell me so, but I have to say, it seemed like the comm was dying around that time (Dec. 2007).
I received pretty good comments on livejournal. It made me happy. Some people were really encouraging, commenting on multiple chapters. I’m well aware that the writing is clumsy in part one, especially at the beginning. And some of my plot choices turned off some of the VM fic readers who had been around for a long time (I had no idea about the schism regarding Mac/Dick or the general, unswerving hatred of Piz--I wrote what made me laugh, period). But I had made a few friends among my readers, generally the comments were positive, and my real-life friends were noticing that I seemed happier and more fulfilled. A close friend read YLD1 without ever having watched the show, and he liked it, especially chapter 47. (Yeah, baby!)
So I decided to write a sequel. I started basically the same way I started my part one. Who can I kill that won’t upset my readers but will still have a personal resonance for Logan and Veronica? I also wanted to cause problems for the relationship without actually breaking them up; I thought that was harder to write than a fic where they were apart and then came together, and I relished the challenge. And of course, I thought they had a multitude of issues to explore, more than enough for an epic fic without breaking them up. Like a moron, I had also set up a bunch of scenarios in the epilogue to my part one, so I had to address all of those as well. Once I decided to kill Hannah, I started researching.
I also decided to make an homage to season two, although hopefully without all the confusion that really detracted me as I watched that season. By this point, I was thinking I liked writing enough that I might eventually try to write something publishable, and I thought weaving complex plots together might make me grow as a writer. And I’m a very organized person; I thought I could pull it off (although a few of my subplots turned out to be difficult in their timing, and the overall fic suffered from me spinning my wheels). It occurred that the multiple plots would be a way to keep all the secondary characters in the story, and I truly love those characters and miss them almost as most as I miss Veronica and Logan.
I researched boarding schools and found some links about tough-love programs right away and was immediately struck by the potential resonance of this plot. I got a couple books and began reading. (I’m going to write specifically about some fictional liberties I took a little later.) I kept saying, “Holy fuck, holy fuck.” And that was before I read about some of the “treatments” that were done to girls who were accused of being slutty.
I had two main problems: how to keep Logan involved if Veronica went undercover at the school and how to have Keith allow her to do this. I could have had Veronica run off and go undercover on her own, or perhaps with Logan’s help, but I was interested in drawing parallels between all the father/daughter pairs in the VM universe: Veronica and Keith, Duncan and his daughter, Stewart Manning and Meg, even a little bit of Jake Kane and Lilly. Veronica and Keith’s relationship was the most interesting for me. It had become so damaged during season two and three after almost an idealized relationship in season one. And their whole dynamic is interesting since they base their life’s work on investigating, yet are forced to conceal their methods because of their overwhelming credo that the ends justify the means (that’s Logan’s credo, too). There is a point in the fic where Keith wonders about their relationship: both he and Veronica consider their relationship to be strong and loving, yet they both conceal so much from the other, especially in my story.
There’s really no way to justify Keith allowing Veronica to go undercover at Briar Hill, and no way to justify him allowing the investigation to go on as long as it did. But maybe you can temporarily suspend your disbelief since I had Keith slightly off-balance from the sleazy actions he had to take to get Vinnie out from under the Fitzpatricks.
It’s also completely unbelievable that Keith would let Logan go undercover with his beloved daughter...but I couldn’t resist. Maybe I should have had Logan show up at Briar Hill, determined to protect his girly-girl, and they reluctantly let him participate in the operation. I don’t know...part of what I enjoyed writing in that section was Logan’s degeneration coupled with his insistence that he be allowed to continue, and his later angst over everything that happened. And I don’t think anyone was expecting that Logan would have such a hard time—you knew it was going to be bad for Veronica and hard for Logan to watch it, but I was hoping you wouldn’t anticipate what being a guard would actually do to him.
Keith was very useful to me for the entire Briar Hill plot, since he has such a strong moral compass. His outrage is your outrage, because we respect his opinion. I really wanted to talk about the school through his eyes, and his research into the school early on let me introduce some of the concepts I was going to use once Veronica was undercover.
Two of the other characters, the attorney Epstein and the sociology professor Kinney served purposes of illuminating facts about the tough-love industry that would otherwise be hard to express. Kinney also helped me to show how the experience was warping Logan.
Speaking of warping Logan, let’s get back to writing the fic. I was about four posts ahead when I started posting in early February 2008. I started having serious and mysterious medical problems (still not completely resolved, by the way). And that really affected the fic in a couple of important ways. I was pretty depressed, so I ended up expanding the story of Logan’s depressive reaction to Hannah’s death much more than I intended. This then created problems of dealing with his state of mind even after they reunited. So the story began to explode. As it got more depressive and angsty, I had to start including a lot of comic relief, dreams, and sex fantasies to keep people reading, so it got even bigger! Yikes!
I also lost my lead. By April, when I was at my very worst medically, considering the possibility of a permanent disability of unknown cause that would rob me of my real-life career, I had posted all I had written.
The problem with that is that it’s easy to write to comments when you post as you go. I really tried not to, but I’m sure that comments influenced me. I did, however, manage to hold out against all the people who wanted me to have Logan impregnate Veronica. There’s nothing wrong with fics about pregnancy, but it’s not what I wanted to write about in this fic, despite claiming in my header that it was a fic about fatherhood.
So now I was in the situation that I had a super-long fic that was completely out of my control. My overall scheme (one third Veronica searching for and reuniting with Logan, one third Veronica undercover, one third Veronica wrapping up the main mystery) was seeming impossible. And although I knew Hannah’s killer and the reason from the beginning, there were many minor plot points that had to be resolved along the way. I was pretty lucky: I left many things in my plot loose enough so that when I eventually got to them, I could resolve them in ways that I liked.
Back to Logan. As I thought about the undercover operation I was going to send Veronica on, I tried to find a way to keep Logan involved. By coincidence, I saw Philip Zimbardo on ‘The Daily Show’. I got “The Lucifer Effect”, a book on the Stanford Prison Experiment and the nature of evil in general, out of the library and began to read. Obviously, there was also a connection to the VM episode that dealt specifically with the experiment, but even more importantly, I saw that forcing Logan to be an undercover guard at the school would bring up specific psychological issues of his own abuse, as well as test his complicated relationship with Veronica.
Now I was thinking a lot about what Veronica’s experience would be. I had flashed forward to a few scenes where you saw that the school was damaging, even physically hurtful. What I didn’t show you was that the school’s therapy would instinctively target Veronica’s character flaws.
Just because the tough-love schools are evil (my opinion) doesn’t mean that they would be not be very skilled at discovering just what makes people tick. You can’t perform psychological manipulation, day in, day out, without beginning to develop skills in understanding people, albeit in damaging ways. And I think they would quickly see Veronica’s tendency to be a user, especially if they are used to dealing with addicts. (A couple points: 1. I am allowed to call Veronica a ‘user’, because I truly love the character. 2. At least some of the students at these schools actually need some sort of treatment, rehab or therapy, because they are truly addicts or have psychological problems that predated their time at the school. I hope I made that clear.)
I said a long time ago to one of my commenters that I would discuss why I used the flashforward structure at the end of the fic. It was not for foreshadowing, at least in the sense that most people use that word in fiction, in other words, to ramp up the excitement by previewing some future tension.
I know my audience is young. My preference would be that my readers were 17 and over. Despite my use of the ratings and the warning system on lj, I feared that younger readers would be reading the fic. So I used the flashforwards to prepare my younger readers for what was coming. Used in a novel, I think the flashforwards would have been a little too spoilery and clichéd. But used in my fanfiction story, they consciously prepared you for Veronica to have a very bad experience. There was hopefully enough that I didn’t tell you in the flashforwards that the scenes in the school was still compelling. Some people were apparently hoping that those flashforwards were all nightmares.
The last group therapy was a particularly horrifying scene of course, with Veronica at her most vulnerable and practically mind-raped by Klein. I was watching the comments, deciding if I could write what I wanted to happen at the end of the undercover operation. When I planned the fic, I thought there was no way I could write such a scene in a fanfic. But when I got there, I decided to go for it; people had been able to read some pretty bad scenes before that without being turned off (of course, we’ll never know how many people slammed their laptops shut in disgust at my story when Veronica was strip-searched).
The flashforwards were another problem that ended up expanding the fic. It took longer to incorporate all those scenes than I had anticipated, and they had to be balanced with Wallace and Weevil banter, or Dick acting like Dick.
I think I was a little perverse about Leo. The more that people bitched about how out-of-character he was, the more I led him astray. (That’s just how I am.) But evil Leo was fun to write! And my goodness, look at all the stupid things that Veronica did on the show that I was able to draw into the fic with Leo’s vendetta. The vendetta itself grew too large, since it was relief from what was going on in Briar Hill at the same time. Then it had to be resolved properly! Arggh.
Mac’s and Wallace’s plots suffered greatly because of the main plot exploding. If my original proportions had held, those subsidiary plots would not have seemed as slight as they ended up. Mac was in Witness Protection for too long; I had to stall to let the main plot catch up to her plot. And Wallace’s plot completely ran out of steam, and I had to wussify him, making him back off and do a stupid organizational chart of the Fitzpatricks.
This is why you’re not supposed to post as you go!!
Then...as the fic approached 300,000 words, a new problem started cropping up. In part one, I would go back and reread the whole fic several times a week. This was impossible as the fic got huge. So some ideas I planted early on were ignored. The teacher’s name at Briar Hill got changed accidentally from Keith’s early research. I used a name again accidentally (poniesforall noticed it, but didn’t know why, then reassured me no one else would see it when I realized why she had noticed it). Other things were introduced and never referred to again. I screwed up the timeline very slightly right before the operation when I switched the order of two scenes (I don’t think anyone but me caught it, and it’s fixed, somewhat clumsily, now).
I made a gross error right after the undercover operation: Veronica has forgotten the events of the last day, yet when her dad starts saying, “You know, you can tell me anything about the party,” she knows immediately what he’s talking about. It’s been fixed now: Veronica thinks to herself, “oh my god, those flashes weren’t dreams, I was talking about my rape.”
There was another large misstep around this point that some of my commenters noticed (thank you for telling me). Veronica was a little too “okay” right after they came back to Neptune, and then she fell apart too quickly. And Keith berated her a little too harshly about Gory considering what she had just been through—I don’t believe he is that insensitive. So I have gone back and edited that section. Now Veronica flashes on some of the Briar Hill rhetoric while Leo is interrogating her about Kendall and when her dad becomes upset about the assassination attempt; in addition, I tried to make Keith’s reaction more clearly his terror about the situation, that she is misinterpreting as anger. And I think that works much better for the character arc. My beta poniesforall was sort of surprised that I would go back and do that (because I don’t really expect anyone to reread such a long fic), but I’m feeling like I’m putting my baby to bed with the last update, and I want to try to get it as right as I can.
I have to say, I think I was pretty good about updating this fic until September 2008. I don’t think I went more than two weeks without updating; I thrived on the discipline and the back and forth with my betas. It was a constant, during a period when I was really struggling with my health, and even more than that, my worries about my health.
Then my dad died. Then it became apparent that a pointless biopsy that I had been pressured into having early on in my illness was not healing properly, and might become a permanent problem. Then my brother and his wife starting creating problems with my dad’s estate and my mother’s healthcare (they will truly burn in hell).
And then a couple months later my mom died, just as I was fighting with doctors to get treatment for my botched biopsy. I was a mess.
It was difficult to update regularly. I was upset about everything. I wrote a fic about psychosis (“Vertigo”), using my mom and dad’s symptoms and dealing with the themes of grieving and loss.
In case you didn’t notice, I’m pretty tough, and although I can’t really tell you just how bad it was, I made it through, and I managed to update, albeit at less frequent intervals. Some days writing the fic helped me keep it together when it seemed like everything was hopeless. I still hate my brother and most doctors.
I do think the overall structure of the fic suffered with my own struggles. I wrote too much, and the storylines were way too complicated, because I always thought I was being completely obvious about all the mysteries. And then there were times when I would have to add in smut or comedy to try to leaven the despair that the main characters were enduring. So...you ended up with 151 chapters and over 500,000 words.
Now, all that being said...
I learned a lot more this time around. People were consistently commenting, post after post. Quite a few readers gave me stream-of-consciousness feedback that pointed out what was working for them. I didn’t get as many comments about my humor as I wanted, but that just made me work harder to make the jokes funnier. I worried about people getting confused by my multitude of plots, and, about halfway through, I started writing a ‘previously on’ for every post. It’s one thing to write an homage to season two; it’s another thing to confuse people the way I think RT did (raise your hand if you completely understood the Fitzpatrick and Kendall plots on the first viewing).
Even more importantly, this time I worked with several beta readers. What an amazing experience! Poniesforall betaed every single chapter. Minip did almost every chapter. Aly88, Sobertears, Dragynflies, and Zaftig_Darling also helped out, and Wily_One24 helped on Veronica’s rape timeline. The back and forth was incredible. They helped with characterization, dialogue, plotting...everything. They caught a lot of errors along the way. They were so generous with their own time and were supportive when I was struggling with my health issues, especially Poniesforall, who had to hear all my anger at the medical professionals who were so egregiously incompetent and uncaring. I think she and I averaged well more than one email per day as we worked together and tried to support each other with all of life’s vicissitudes.
Things I learned while writing this fic:
1) Gimp sex gets old fast.
2) It doesn’t matter how hot it is, no one in VM fandom wants to read a Duncan or Kendall smut scene.
3) You can’t make all your readers happy. I mean, I knew this, but man....
4) Do not post as you go.
5) Do not set up a fic with multiple storylines before you have outlined it. I repeat, do not set up a fic with multiple storylines before you have outlined it.
About the tough-love schools:
I had four main sources for my research about the schools.
Szalavitz, Maia. Help At Any Cost. New York: Riverhead Books, 2006.
Parks, Alexia. An American Gulag. Eldorado Springs, CO: Quality Books, Inc., 2000.
Zimbardo, Philip. The Lucifer Effect. New York: Random House, 2007.
”Over the GW”, a film by Nick Gaglia, a survivor of a tough-love program
The film is pretty disturbing. I tried to only use things from that film that I also found in the other two books (such as the hard plastic blue chairs and the arm-waving in group therapy), because I did not want my story to be a rehash of that movie. However, I’m sure that the character of Klein was influenced by the charismatic leader of the rehab as portrayed in the film.
One particular thing that I did take from the film was the idea that an addict only has three choices: the program, prison, or death. I felt it was okay to use that since AA rhetoric stresses these concepts to a lesser degree, and it seemed like a typical concept that a tough-love institution would espouse.
The following things are all true about tough-love schools, according to my research:
- transport services that use handcuffs (and usually take kids in the middle of the night in their pajamas)
- no contact with the parents after they arrive at the school
- students are asked to sign voluntary commitment papers, which sometimes allow the schools to keep them, at great cost to the parents, after their eighteenth birthday
- forced solitary confinement and the use of stress positions as punishment
- poor nutrition, restriction of bathroom privileges, and sleep deprivation
- forced physical activity, including hikes and calisthenics, especially in the wilderness programs [Several deaths have occurred in these programs.]
- the takedowns I described as a common response to a student exhibiting anything other than absolute compliance
- endless therapy sessions are ubiquitous, with students encouraged to tell their deepest secrets, and rewards are given for the most outlandish stories, which leads to made-up tales. [See for instance the press coverage on Kennedy cousin Michael Skakel, convicted murderer of Martha Moxley. I’m not drawing a conclusion in that particular case, but in his trial, other students revealed typical school practices at the institution where Skakel was sent.]
- most of the schools are not accredited, and a diploma is not accepted by most colleges; the instructors are usually not certified teachers or licensed therapists, but rather graduates of the program. The schools are self-accredited, by an association comprised of the member schools.
- as students advance, they become ‘oldcomers’, and participate in the ‘therapy’ of ‘newcomers’; they embrace the program in order to get the hell out of there and in the process become abusers themselves.
- forced reenactments of bad behavior and roleplaying occur at these programs, including making rape victims take responsibility for their actions.
- the worst tough-love schools are outside the US, where basically anything goes, including torture, rape, and solitary confinement.
- when students have escaped, their parents routinely send them back; the schools warn parents that their children will lie to them.
- lawsuits against these programs have been generally unsuccessful, even in cases of death due to neglect. The schools operate within the letter of the law, due to loopholes in US law regarding the rights of children.
- payoffs to politicians definitely occur. A former governor of my state was implicated in such a scandal, although it received little publicity. In the most recent presidential campaign, the chief fundraiser in Utah for one of the Republican candidates is president of the association that accredits the real-life tough-love schools. Many tough-love programs were started with government funds during the Reagan administration (“Just say no”).
- some state authorities routinely send offenders to these programs, where the recidivism rate is higher than no treatment at all.
- once released, the suicide rate of students previously incarcerated at these institutions is very high compared to young adults in general or other drug abusers treated more conventionally.
I hope you’re getting my point: the schools seem completely bleak in my opinion, if not outright criminal and evil. Their efficacy is at best unproven and, as my characters told you, many of the students actually get worse with the ‘treatment’ there. And some students definitely shouldn’t be there at all; they need actual psychiatric treatment or medication, or even more tragically, just better parents.
What I changed: “belt-looping” is a standard practice, where oldcomers control the newcomers by grasping a belt loop at the back of their waist. It’s demeaning and effective. However, at Briar Hill, I had them wear sweats due to the bug Veronica used (I don’t remember the exact issue right now, but it seemed important at the time). Tethers are infrequent, although they were mentioned in one of my sources.
There really aren’t a lot of guards at tough-love schools. It’s more commonly recent graduates and the older students controlling the younger ones, which is actually creepier, but I wanted Logan on scene, to protect her, and to be affected himself. That also allowed me to draw parallels with the Stanford Prison Experiment and Kinney’s experiment in season 3.
What I had to make up: my Briar Hill rhetoric was lifted from the above sources and from AA and cults, especially EST, which my research said influenced the jargon and methodology employed by the schools. As you research about cults, you start to notice all the similarities in tactics and lingo. There’s a reason why people join cults—they are good at what they do. Note that there aren’t a lot of first-person accounts by students at the tough-love schools, except for some postings on internet boards, so I really don’t know how accurately I portrayed the attack therapy or the lectures at Briar Hill.
If you’re curious, you can look at the websites for two schools which are reputed to be ‘tough-love’ schools, and a couple articles about Elan School, which had a lot of publicity due to the Michael Skakel trial. I read hundreds of articles about the tough-love industry while writing this book in addition to the primary sources listed. I don’t think I exaggerated the problems at these places.
http://www.academyivyridge.com/
http://www.elanschool.com/
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/06/02/style/skeletons-in-the-classroom.html?pagewanted=all
http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/news/state/070325elan.html
A note about AA: Alcoholics Anonymous has helped people, and there are good people involved in that organization (including some of my friends who are recovered alcoholics). But I’m disturbed by some of the research I found. You will have to make up your own mind. I know that when I had some concerns about my own drinking some years ago, I found that program called Moderation Management seemed more sane and based on sounder psychological research than what I read about AA. In particular, I’m not a person that gives myself over to a higher power; I believe in personal responsibility. And I don’t like the accusatory and defeatist tone of much of AA’s rhetoric.
Cults: I have some personal experience with cults. A good friend has been in a destructive cult since I’ve known her; we worked for the same employer, who was also a part of the cult. We’ve grown apart, and I don’t know if she’s still involved, but I assume she is. The cult insists on severing ties with family, tithing, forced psychiatric sessions, and communal living situations (single-sex); and actively discourages monogamous relationships (even within the cult) and friendships with non-cult members. Cult members are expected to have sex with multiple other members of the cult, because the concept of a family unit is believed to be destructive. Children are parented communally, and the cult is organized around tiers of psychiatrists who control the members.
Several other friends of mine were involved in an offshoot of EST, that also featured elements of a pyramid scheme. I was heavily recruited to join as well, but I had zero interest, mostly because I’m cheap, and they wanted my hard-earned money. At the time, I thought it was just a scam, but now I’m more inclined to call it a cult because of the mind control and reeducation that was involved.
It’s easy to say “I’d never join a cult.” And I am just about the most cynical person in the world, and I tend to relate to the statement that “religion is the opiate of the masses.” But I remember the EST meeting I went to: the rhetoric did not seem outlandish. The only thing that alerted me was a member invading my personal space, getting right in my face and telling me I needed this workshop (I have a little bit of crowd phobia, so I don’t like strangers coming close to me). He locked eyes with me from about six inches away, and suddenly alarm bells went off.
About Rio Linda: I swear I just picked a town that was close to Sacramento that had a name that sounded “Californian”. But then...when I started to research Rio Linda, I found out that it actually does have a reputation as a town of ill-repute (Rush Limbaugh quite frequently refers to it sardonically, implying that its residents are stupid or ‘lowlifes’; on another website, I found postings that seemed to indicate that Sacramento residents referred to Rio Linda as a real ‘cow town’). Then, when I was trying to figure out my Fitzpatricks plot, I read a news story about a plane crash in Rio Linda. I swear I tried to find another plot device, but nothing I tried worked as well as the plane crash (I added of course a payload of drugs from Canada). So that’s where that came from, and I hereby apologize to the long-suffering residents of Rio Linda.
About Jake being Kendall’s killer: my original plan called for Carney to also be Kendall’s killer. In the summer of 2008, a short time after I wrote the chapters where Veronica is undercover, I began to reconsider. It just didn’t seem like enough of a twist—it was not a solution that was worth of the Veronica Mars name. I thought more about it and realized that either Duncan or Jake killing Kendall would be a far more satisfying twist, and Jake would the better choice, relating to the finales of all three seasons. It actually was a far better choice that worked with my ‘father’ theme as well. I had left the clues for Kendall’s murder vague enough that I could slot Jake in as the murderer.
My first concept of the twist ending was very noir: Veronica figures it out and confronts Jake and Celeste, but she can’t tell anyone because Jake has the goods on both her (her role as accomplice in the babynapping) and her dad (Jake had listening devices planted and would hear Leo and Keith talking about the sextapes and the arson--this got axed somewhere along the way). Veronica would be frustrated, the killer would get off scot-free, and the ending would be a downer, although true to noir fiction/movies.
As I got to the end, I started writing Veronica as very ‘damaged’ from what I had put her through. She wasn’t seeing herself as heroic or strong anymore, and I needed to get her back to herself. I thought about having Logan manipulate her into solving Kendall’s murder, but the characters were completely uncooperative. Mac kept saying to Logan, “But maybe Veronica has changed, and you guys are being really mean. And P.S., Veronica’s totally going to kick your ass when she finds out what you did!” It truly did seem cruel of Logan to manipulate her the way I had him doing (everyone was being secretive and sneaky, trying to tempt Veronica’s natural curiosity). I couldn’t see Veronica forgiving him, ever. So I changed it; good ol’ Duncan asks for help again, Keith decides Veronica needs protecting and Veronica herself keeps vowing that she has to quit; however, Veronica can’t help herself. She’s curious when she sees Ratner and wonders what’s going on; and then, when she is finally let in on what’s going on, she puts it together and she is the one who manipulates Jake into confessing, thereby saving Duncan once again.
This ending seemed far more true to Veronica Mars to me. Veronica is an accomplished behaviorist: she understands people’s motivations and uses it to her advantage. She’s willing to twist the truth in order to achieve an end that’s greater, according to her moral code. And she used Leo the way she so often used Lamb, and he knew it and was ruefully okay with it. This ending was a way for Veronica to also get back to her true self: someone who has conviction about what is morally right. The ending felt a little rushed perhaps, compared to all the angsty writhing which came before it. But I was ready to see her vanquish her demons, and you probably were too.
In the end, I showed her as somewhat conflicted: she shows empathy for Maria and Beaver; she says about her rape and her experience at Briar Hill, “it just is,” rather than lashing out and blaming someone; and in general, she has changed because of what I put her through. She had her victories, but she’s still in therapy, and she’s still trying to figure out her relationship with Logan and what the hell she’s going to do with her life. And she still has to face Klein at trial...she’s confident but knows the difficulties that are ahead of her.
My version of noir was about shades of gray. I wanted it to be tragic and hopeful all at once, because that’s really what life is. We muddle through and try to hold onto our ideals and the people who love us. She’s not quite as vindictive or smug as she was in season 3; she’s been humbled, but still has that inner core of strength that makes us love her. And above all, she finally seems to have realized what she needs to make her happy...love, family, work, friends, and life’s challenges.
Hopefully the ending worked for you as well. But you can read my original noirish ending below
Jake Kane opens the door. "Veronica...Logan," he says finally, noting their somber expressions.
"May we come in?" Veronica asks.
Jake leads them to the living room. Celeste is reading a magazine and looks up sharply as they enter.
"Mrs. Kane," Logan acknowledges.
"Veronica, thank you for helping Duncan with his custody hearing," Celeste says in a brittle voice.
"Of course," Veronica replies. "So was it your idea to kill Kendall?"
"What are you talking about? Do you ever make sense, Veronica?" Celeste stands up and moves to the bar.
"I'm sure I'll never be able to prove it," Veronica continues. "But I believed Liam Fitzpatrick when he said he didn't kill her."
"Are you wearing a wire, Veronica? Trying to finish the job your father couldn't quite manage to make the Kanes pay for my husband's indiscretion with your mother?" Celeste asks as she pours herself a drink. She pours a second and walks it over to her husband. "Would you like a drink? Some wine, perhaps? We're all adults now."
"No thank you, and I'm not wearing a wire," she replies.
Jake says, "Do you really want to know, Veronica? Yes, Veronica, when Kendall threatened to tell the sheriff that she had seen my head of security at the Neptune Grand the day Aaron Echolls was killed, I had to do what was necessary."
"So you stole a car and lured Kendall with the promise of money. A lot of money, I'm assuming."
"You're doing well so far. You tell me," Jake says.
"How did you steal the car, Jake? I'm guessing you don't have much experience with a slim jim."
"But I do have experience with computer software. Kane Software has been developing encryption software to prevent hackers from opening remote car locks wirelessly. I just made sure to select an older model vehicle which has no encryption. And it was pretty easy to create a radio frequency generating device that would replicate the RFID chip in an ignition key. It's quite simple if you know the algorithms. It's not anywhere near as difficult as, say, streaming video."
"But it was still taking a big chance. With Duncan not having an alibi–"
"What are you talking about?" Jake interrupts. "Kendall assumed that I had hired Wiedman. There was no need to protect–"
"Oh, you didn't know. Duncan was having an affair with her."
"What?" Celeste exclaims.
"Yeah, your precious boy was sleeping with Kendall. He didn't know who she was, of course," Veronica explains. "Leo found out, and he was investigating Duncan. Duncan was almost arrested because you killed Kendall."
Jake swallows half of his drink in a single gulp and stands up to pace around the room. "Kendall didn't seem to have considered that Duncan might have been behind the execution, and I didn't disabuse her of the notion."
"Everyone always did underestimate the guy," Logan comments. "But when he had to, he stepped in and took his kid to protect her, and he made sure that Aaron paid for his sins when the state didn't."
"What if Kendall had left something behind that would implicate you?" Veronica asks.
"It didn't matter...I had an airtight alibi. Celeste and I watched a movie together on the cook's night off. We recorded our conversations, and it was a simple matter to substitute the movie soundtrack with the recording of the ambient room sound. That night, after I left to take care of our problem with Kendall, Celeste started the movie playing. She called the cook to bring some refreshments to our room; the cook heard me talking and of course assumed I was there in the room. Perhaps an hour later, Celeste called the cook to take away the dishes and, again, the cook heard me laughing at a joke in the movie.," Jake replies smugly. "I have to thank you, Veronica. I got the idea from the tape recording ploy you did with Astrid."
"And of course you dumped the stolen car in Fitzpatrick territory, unlocked."
Jake shrugs. "It was a pretty safe bet that a Lexus would be chopped up within an hour. I dumped the gun off the Coronado Bridge the next day."
"Who searched Kendall's room at the Grand? I'm betting you didn't want to take the chance you would be caught on a security camera."
"Astrid checked in under an assumed name the day before. She didn't leave for several days to avoid raising suspicion. She owes us...and of course she's just as guilty of abetting kidnapping as you are, Veronica. She does as she's told."
"How did she get into Kendall's room?" Logan asks.
"I borrowed Duncan's key card to make a master key that would open any door in the Neptune Grand. Secure magnetic coding technology is another area of research at Kane Software."
"And you're not worried that we've figured this out?" Logan asks, nervous about the Kanes' ease.
"Well, Veronica, I've known for years now that your father takes his informants to the steam room of the Neptune Athletic Club. He had quite an interesting conversation with our local sheriff the other night. It seems that both of them are guilty of tampering with evidence. I don't think anyone will be looking at me as a suspect for any crimes in the future."
"The steam room?" Veronica gasps. She remembers fussing at her dad to cancel his little-used and expensive membership at the gym, but he had always refused and never gave her an explanation.
"Your father is under the impression that the humidity in there would destroy an electronic recording device, but that's not really accurate anymore. In the late 90's, Kane Software had a military contract to design surveillance gear for rugged situations. The technology might not be available to civilians, but it exists. Would you like to hear the real story of the arson your father committed to protect you, Veronica? I can burn you a CD if you'd like."
"None of this would have been necessary if you had supported your son when we found out about the baby–" Veronica protests hotly.
Placidly, Jake explains, "Veronica, your father and I are not so different after all, as it turns out. When I thought Duncan had murdered his sister, I manipulated the evidence to protect him. And your father did the same to prevent you from being charged as an accessory to kidnapping." He sips at his drink as Veronica fumes.
Logan says intensely, "You are not half the man Keith Mars is."
"I'd like to leave," Celeste replies coldly. "We really don't have to speak to you, and frankly, I'd prefer never to see your faces again."
Jake leads them to the door. As they cross the threshold, he warns, "Don't forget, Veronica, you will never be clear of that accessory charge. I'm quite clear on the exact sequence of events from that time, and my son has immunity. There's nothing preventing me from telling the authorities just how you managed to get my son across the border. You see, former Sheriff Van Lowe paid me a visit after he was released from prison. I gather he was raising some funds to finance a life on the run from the Fitzpatricks, and he told me quite a detailed story about your plan in exchange for $50,000. I think you would be best served to forget all about Kendall Casablancas, Veronica. The authorities will charge Liam Fitzpatrick for her murder, and he'll be convicted." He shuts the door.
Logan takes Veronica's hand in his. "Are you all right?"
"I had to know," she mutters, shaking with anger and apprehension.
"I know you did," he says..