FIC: YLD2 (141-151/151) (NC-17)

[vanessagalore]

Previously on The Year of Living Dangerously Part II [Spoilers for chapters 1-140] (for those of you who didn't take notes)

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VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Fix You
Logan and Veronica discuss the future.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
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CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-ONE: "FIX YOU"

Fri. 3/27/09, afternoon: Villa Portofino, Catalina Island, California

Veronica sobs helplessly, "That girl doesn't exist anymore. I'm afraid, okay? I can't do this anymore. I'm afraid."

Every masculine cell of Logan's body immediately goes into hyperdrive at the sound of her tears: Fix this, fix this! Before he can even take a breath to respond, his brain has developed a twelve-step plan, complete with a bodyguard, extended cognitive behavior therapy, self-defense protocols, a weapon, a new living situation, and rationalizations why she's completely wrong. He's about to protest, 'That's crazy, Veronica, you love to investigate. You're curious about everyone...you know it drives you crazy not to know something,' when something makes him stop and hold his tongue.

Surprised at his silence, she looks at him, snuffling a little. "Say something!"

Hesitantly, he replies, "I don't know what to say...except...I know I love you and I'm glad we're alive." His voice gathers strength. "I love you, Veronica."

She scoffs. "You just told me...you fell in love with the girl who took crazy chances. Does that mean you're not going to love me if I decide to teach kindergarten?"

"What was that movie with the Governator? 'Kindergarten Cop'? It's a jungle gym out there, baby," he muses. "Okay, there's no way you're teaching kindergarten. You'd taser those kids the first time they ate a crayon. And what if a kid has an accident? You know, poop? I think you'd have a nervous breakdown."

She glares at him...and then she laughs faintly. Veronica wipes her tears from under her eye; she glances at him and looks away again.

Logan says, "I don't know how to help you, Veronica. I don't think it's up to me. You're your own person. But you can say whatever you want to me...you can decide to change your life however you want...I'm not going to stop loving you, as long as you let me be a part of your life." He wants to scream, this isn't you, this isn't you, don't do this. He's never worked harder to hold a poker face. Don't push her...don't push her. There's a small selfish part of him that can't stop rejoicing that she'll be safe now, but he's far more scared that she'll resent him one day for encouraging her to give up her life, and he'll lose her forever.

She stares at him in disbelief. Finally, Veronica whispers, "I was expecting...I thought you'd be so glad I was giving it up. But it's almost like...you're disappointed in me." Her voice lapses back into silence.

He takes a deep breath. "I know. I was going to say— This is hard, okay? I want to protect you; I want to make everything right for you again. A part of me is relieved that you won't be chasing down criminals. And yet...I hate that they made you afraid to do the thing you love the most. I almost—" He plays with her hair, unwilling to tell her that every part of him is aching to argue with her, to try to push her to fight this fear.

"You almost what?" she prompts.

He exhales in frustration. "I'm trying really hard not to tell you how to feel and what to do, Veronica. Frankly, I never considered that my mission statement might change from 'convince Veronica not to take foolish chances' to 'convince Veronica that she was born to be a snoop.'" He presses his body against hers, leaning his forehead against her temple. "It's really hard for me to see you hurting. You know I want to figure out some way to take all the pain away. But...Veronica, I don't know what to do here."

"I've been...." She sighs deeply. "I've been so afraid to tell you how I'm feeling."

He hugs her. Logan wants to ask her about Mac: why won't she talk to her friend? He knows Mac is completely confused and not a little hurt about Veronica's silence to her. Not yet, you idiot. Shut up shut up shutup. Aloud, he says, "Veronica, I can't promise I'm not going to do that stupid guy thing, where we tell you how to solve your problems instead of listening. And with our history...I'm sure I'll say something asinine that I'll regret later. I feel like I'm going to explode right now from discussing all these feelings, or maybe grow a sympathetic uterus or something." He motions to his chest. "Does this shirt make me look fat?"

It takes her a second to react, and then she punches him in the chest lightly. "Shut up!"

"I'm serious, Veronica. I'm not equipped to help you with this," he adds. "But I'm really trying. Please don't hold it inside. You have to tell me what you're thinking so I don't have to read your mind."

Veronica bites her lip and nods slightly. "I know."

"Now tell me I'm a stud before my penis completely shrivels up and falls off," he says sardonically. "This boyfriend stuff is impossible."

"Do you think...do you really think we can do this?" she asks nervously.

"What?" he asks, slightly confused.

"A relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend. We've never...we've never managed to make it work for very long," she replies morosely.

"We were doing pretty good until Hannah..." he replies.

She nods. They're both remembering that the relationship completely fell apart when that happened. Veronica asks, her voice breaking with stress, "Do you remember talking last week about being together, how it would work...after? I...I feel like I need you so much right now. I couldn't bear it if you weren't around all the time."

"If you want me to be around, I'll stay in Neptune for as long as you want me to."

"What about school?"

"We don't have to decide that today, Veronica. Why don't we just concentrate on figuring out what we want first?"

"What do you want?"

Logan says honestly, "I do want to be with you. I want you to be happy and healthy. And I want to figure out a way to continue with my screenwriting program at UCLA. I like my professors. It's the first time...the first time I've ever felt like I did anything worthwhile."

"Oh god, Logan," she sighs dispiritedly. "I was always so critical of you—"

"Please stop, Veronica. We've talked about this. That's in the past."

Wretchedly, she says, "I don't want to be responsible for preventing you from doing well and getting on with your life."

"You're not." Slightly aggravated, Logan adds, "Veronica, I don't know the answer. But we don't have to figure it out right this minute. I've already taken a leave of absence for this semester, so we have plenty of time to work it out." She still looks very uncomfortable and upset, and she opens her mouth to speak. He interrupts, "Veronica, I don't know. But I promise you, you're not preventing me from doing well. You're important to me. We're important to me. Let's just see what happens for a little while. I want to relax this weekend and enjoy being alone with you."

Pensively, Veronica nods. "Okay. We'll figure it out. We've got time."

"Room service for dinner? Maybe a soak in that gigantic tub?" he suggests.

"Okay," she agrees.

He rolls away from her and finds a room service menu in the drawer next to the bed. He holds it up for them both to look at. She stares at the menu for several minutes before announcing she wants the shrimp paella. "Really?" he asks, surprised. Suspicious, he glances at her face, which struggles to stay blank. "You love filet mignon. Or the angel hair with salmon and broccoli in an alfredo sauce."

She adopts a stubborn look momentarily but withers under his gaze. "The paella will be easier to eat left-handed." Almost embarrassed, she adds, "I can use a spoon."

He smiles happily and can't resist saying, "That's my Veronica...she never wants any help. Please order the filet mignon, Veronica. Or else I'll order the Lovers' Special for us...the caviar appetizer and Oysters Rockefeller for two," he threatens with a laugh. "Mmm, oysters, that sounds good. You can eat that with one hand, Veronica. So can I." He tries to insinuate his hand between her legs.

She laughs, making a face and closing her thighs against his hand. "Ugh, oysters. Fine, order the filet mignon."

He calls in the order for two steaks, rare, with baked potatoes and asparagus. "You know what they say about asparagus," he whispers, with his hand covering the mouthpiece, and she rolls her eyes. He listens for a minute before saying, "Yes, that would be perfect." Logan hangs up. "Thirty minutes. Do you have any ideas what we could do for thirty minutes?" he asks suggestively.

"You're insatiable," she chuckles.

"I know, that's a little rushed. I'll have to concentrate," he says thoughtfully. Pretending to be aggrieved at her attitude, he adds, "It's been a week since we were alone together, Veronica. I have needs, you know." He gently rolls her up onto her side, curling up behind her and molding his body to hers.

"Don't you want to wait for the asparagus?" Her breath hitches a little, feeling him press his pelvis into her ass.

"Mmm. Asparagus. Fun with food...I could put it—" He delicately strokes her thatch of hair.

"No, that's okay!" she hastens to say, giggling and twining her fingers with his. "Don't make me laugh."

"This feels all right like this? No pressure on your shoulder?" he mumbles into her scalp. Logan gently bites the nape of her neck.

"Yeah," she pants.

He wiggles against her and slips his cock between her legs. "Feels nice?" he asks, sliding forward gently and feeling her moist folds grazing over him. "You feel amazing," he says huskily. "Let's just stay in bed all weekend."

"Mmm," she agrees. Veronica closes her eyes, concentrating on his gentle thrusting, back and forth, slow and steady. The subtle stroking feels intimate and safe, with a sense of belonging, but still holding the promise of desire and abandon. "Aaahh," she exhales. "That feels...wonderful. Don't stop."

She adjusts her pelvis slightly to increase the pressure, and he's suddenly incredibly aroused. He fumbles with her shirt, finally getting it unbuttoned and opened, and then tackles her bra. "Too many clothes," he complains as he nuzzles her neck. "I forbid you to get dressed for the rest of the weekend."

"You know, if we were just going to stay in bed, we could have saved some money and just gone to the Camelot," she muses breathlessly.

"Put your hand on me," he says urgently, as he grasps her breast and begins to play with her nipple. He snakes his other hand under her waist and puts it to her crotch, rubbing her nub gently.

She circles his cock with her hand and fists him. "Logan, we need—"

"I know," he groans. "Just ten more seconds...." Reluctantly, he releases her and rolls backward, flailing behind him for his overnight bag. He stretches, still not quite reaching it, and then...he falls off the bed onto his back, knocking the breath out of him.

"Logan! Logan?" she says anxiously. Veronica cautiously rolls onto her back and looks sideways. "Logan...?"

He looks at her sheepishly. "I'm all right," and she begins to giggle.

"Stop laughing at me!" he moans from the floor. "That hurt....the things I put myself through for you." Logan makes a comical face.

"Oh god," she hisses through clenched teeth as she tries to hold herself still. "Don't make me laugh."

Logan sits up slowly; shaking himself a little, he locates a condom and gets back on the bed. He hesitates, touching her shoulder lightly through the sling. "Can...can you stand it to take this off for a few minutes? We'll have to be careful. I want to feel all of you." He strips off his own shirt, throwing it over his shoulder, watching her face carefully for her cue. She nods, and, taking his time, he helps her to sit up and eases the sling off her shoulder. Logan pull her sleeves off, first the left, which is easy, and then the right, which is much more problematic. Her creamy skin is marred by a padded bandage covering the surgical incision on her shoulder. But more than that, he sees that she's still afraid of moving her arm, even though she's sailed through her post-surgery passive stretching exercises. "Are you hurting?" he asks with concern when he sees her wince.

Biting her lip, she shakes her head 'no'. "Not really. It aches, and the joint feels swollen."

"That's okay," he remarks with relief. "It's going to get better every day, if it's anything like my knee."

Veronica avoids meeting his eyes.

Logan asks, "You believed Dr. Remick when he said the surgery went extremely well, right? That other guy was a hack, Veronica."

"I know," she answers distantly.

"You are going to be okay, Veronica, you're not going to be hurting forever. You're going to be able to do everything you want to do. In fact...." He turns to the bedside table and searches for a moment. Logan triumphantly displays a notepad and a pen. He leans close to her ear and says theatrically, "I'm making a new list."

She huffs a quiet laugh, finally smiling.

Logan snarks, "Come on, you're going to help me on this one. Doggy style and tied to the bed, of course."

"Uh, Logan...how is this different from the first list?" she muses.

"Those are classics. They're on every list."

"We never—"

"What?" he asks curiously.

"We never actually tried that...you know, tying to the bed," Veronica says, trying very hard to sound casual.

He looks at her, wondering, until she drops her eyes in embarrassment. "Veronica, that's only because I never wanted to take time to find the rope. I'll have to be more proactive. Maybe we can go shopping together; I'll let you pick out the restraints you like," he teases. "I can't wait."

A shadow crosses her face. He is about to press her, but she smiles and glances at the bedside clock. "Uh, Logan? Fifteen minutes before dinner arrives."

"Shit, you're right." Logan puts down the paper and pen, and, for just a moment, he stares at her naked body. Even after all this time, her beauty and the simple perfection of her body's proportions always take his breath away. He helps her to roll back onto her side and settles in again with his front nestled against her back, luxuriating in the soft feel of her flesh against his. "Let's see...where was I before I was so rudely interrupted," he muses. "I had this hand on one of my most favorite parts of your body." His left hand slides underneath her and caresses her breast. "And I think this hand was right...here." His right hand finds her crotch and begins to stroke her folds casually.

"Mmm," he hums in her ear. "Very nice, Veronica. Can I tell you what I plan to do to you, as soon as that arm is healed?" Her breath hitches as he hits a particularly sensitive spot and then settles in to fondle her rhythmically, brushing against her clit on every upstroke. His left hand teases her nipple, alternating between flicking and gently pinching her. "I'm going to tie your arms and your legs to the corners of the bed and lick you from head to toe."

Her whole body tenses, and he takes his right hand and gently turns her head to face him.

He strokes her cheek softly. "Yes, Veronica, I am. Your shoulder's going to be okay...you're going to be able to do everything again, and I'm going to live out my fantasies if it kills me...even if I have to take you to every orthopedist in California to get your shoulder fixed. I'm very motivated, you know." Logan trails his fingers down her torso, finding his place again between her legs. "Listen to me, Veronica. You're going to be okay. We're going to be okay." His finger strokes a little harder as his voice intensifies, dropping in pitch until there's just the slightest growl in his timbre. "This is what I'm going to do to you...you're going to be completely spread out, so I can kiss and suck on every inch of you, and you can't do a damn thing about it except enjoy it."

She trembles a little, and he whispers, "Veronica...it's okay, it's okay." He strokes her, pulling gently on her nipple, until she seems to relax a little. Logan says hoarsely, demonstrating, "I'm going to take your nipples between my fingers and roll them, pull on them, squeeze them hard until you're shaking and screaming my name. And then...just when you think you can't stand it any more, I'm going to put my mouth on you and suck on your clit until you almost come...and then I'm going to stop and kiss you all over again. When you beg me, I'll come back and lick your clit again, but I'm still not going to let you come. I'm going to do that to you for hours, until you're exhausted and trembling in the ropes and pleading with me to let you come."

Her eyes closed, she says breathlessly, "That sounds kind of...cruel." She pants a little and writhes against his finger.

He keeps his pace steady, mimicking the fantasy he's telling her. Logan suddenly pinches her nipple hard, and she gasps. "No, no...you're going to be so excited, your body's going to be vibrating under me, and then when you can't stand it any more, I'll turn you over and tie you again, on your hands and knees...you still can't move, I've got you all pulled into position, ropes keeping your thighs apart, your arms and feet completely immobilized, your face pressed to the bed and your beautiful ass propped up in the air on some pillows." He keeps his thumb moving on her clit, but suddenly slides two fingers inside her. His aching cock, nestled between her ass cheeks, throbs and juts into her flesh of its own accord. Logan shifts himself to glide between her legs, his erection sliding sloppily against her slickness, and she breathes out deeply with a shudder. "You're going to be helpless to do anything but let me make you come, Veronica, and I do. I take your ass in my hands and, holding you tight, I fuck you from behind, hard and slow." His fingers thrust deep inside her as he talks. "You're screaming, you're coming again and again, but still I'm fucking you, fucking you, fucking you...you're still shaking and quivering...when you're completely spent, I finally come inside you."

"Jesus, Logan," she exhales, her head thrown back onto his shoulder. She grabs his hand and presses his thumb hard against her nub.

"Don't move...keep your arm tight against you...I'm going to fuck you now," he whispers. He quickly dons the condom and without further warning thrusts hard inside her, making her moan loudly. "You're okay?" Logan asks frantically, trying to hold back.

"God, that's...that's...oh god, please keep going," she mumbles incoherently, her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth slack with concentration.

He holds her pelvis tightly but gently. "Let me do it all...don't try to help. Remember, you can't move, you're tied to the bed," he instructs her. "Oh, Veronica, you feel so good. I love to fuck you so much." He pumps in her hard, his cock hitting her inside inexorably as he steadies her against his thrusts.

She's moaning almost constantly now, wordlessly urging him on. His muscles begin to protest, and he angles himself a little differently. Just like in the fantasy, she's helplessly letting him fuck her, letting him wring every last bit of sensation from her, and he encourages her to lose herself in it. "You can't move; you're tied to the bed, all spread out, and you have to let me fuck you, Veronica. You're sore and aching, but you still want it, you're begging me to fuck you harder, fuck you deeper. You're going to come so hard for me, harder than you've ever come before." He moves his hand bracing her pelvis a little so he can press his thumb hard on her clit...and she actually screams quietly, shocking him with her vocal abandon. Logan chuckles loudly and breathlessly spurs her on. "Let go, Veronica, you have to come for me now, let it out, come for me, baby. You don't have a choice, I'm making you come, over and over."

Her voice almost unrecognizable, she cries hoarsely, "Oh god, oh god, oh god."

Suddenly, he feels what's almost a wave surging through her body, the beginning of a powerful orgasm, and he thrusts hard, trying to go with her. She's trembling around him, her muscles spasming uncontrollably. "Oh god, Veronica, you feel so damn good," he exclaims, the words practically torn out of his mouth. He feels his orgasm beginning with a faint tingling inside his pelvis, and he tries to summon just a little more strength, plunging deep within her and feeling his balls rubbing against her overheated skin as he buries his whole length inside her.

Suddenly she gasps loudly and tenses, with her walls pumping rhythmically around his cock. "Yeah, Veronica," he groans. "God...." She feels so incredible around him; with a loud sigh, he just lets go on his next firm stroke and lets her milk his cock. As she begins to subside, he thrusts gently several times more with his waning erection and hugs her tightly in his arms.

"Jesus, what was that?" Veronica exhales.

"That was you letting go," he replies, nuzzling her neck.

"It was like you were inside my head," she muses, still slightly bewildered and out of breath.

He smiles against her scalp. "Love you, Veronica." You are going to be okay, I promise you, he thinks. There's a sharp knock on the door, and he laughs. "Just in time."

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VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Kiss and Makeup
Logan and Veronica fill in the blanks.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
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CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-TWO: "KISS AND MAKEUP"

Fri. 3/27/09, evening: Villa Portofino, Catalina Island, California

Veronica is leaning back against Logan in the deep bathtub, almost drowsing in his arms. He idly caresses her arm and torso, completely lost in thought.

Is she really going to be okay? That was incredible but...

He holds back a deep sigh, worried about how dependent she seems to be upon him. He had found it remarkably thrilling when she allowed him to feed her dinner and then toddle her off to the bathroom for a sexy and relaxing soak together, but...

How long until she feels confined? How long until she's bored to tears without the thrill of investigating? How long until she resents me for being the one who saw her at her weakest? Maybe even blames me for always pushing her to give up her work? How long until this blows up in my face, and we can't get past it?

He tries to tell himself he's being ridiculous, but by now all the old fights are hardwired into his brain. 'I'm not built that way.'

What happens when one morning she wakes up and hates her life?

And what about me?

He's been pushing this thought away for a later time...but for just a moment, he lets himself nudge up against it.

Dammit. I don't want to give up the screenwriting program. UCLA is the best program in the world, and I'm doing well there...well, I was, until I bolted. But...I want to be with her. Do I try to talk her into transferring to UCLA, leaving everyone else she loves and needs? Right now, she's vulnerable...she'd do it. But fuck, I think she'd hate me for it later.

I've got to figure out a way to help her....I wish...I almost wish she was accusing me of evil again. All smug and certain that I was responsible for whatever crime of the week she was investigating...I miss that Veronica. 'Smells like an evildoer.' Goddammit. She was so cute...she never took any shit from me or anyone else. It's too bad I have such a good alibi for Kendall's murder, or maybe she'd start suspecting me again.

She stirs in his arms. "Logan?"

Absentmindedly, he replies, "Yes, Veronica."

"What was it like for you?"

"What?" Still distracted by his own thoughts, he struggles to comprehend. "What was what like?"

"You know...in the van...on the boat. When...."

He rests his chin on the top of her head and sighs. "I'm not sure what—"

"You didn't even seem scared. You just seemed...angry, and determined. I was so frightened. I've never...." She exhales loudly. "I've never been that frightened before. I was certain we were all going to—"

"Shh, it's okay, Veronica. Of course I was scared; I was terrified like you were. But after I got the corner of the duct tape on your hands loose, it was all I could think about. My hands were cramping like crazy; I had to keep shaking them, trying to get them to work again. I just focused so hard on getting you free...and then...I was watching them. Trying to protect you."

"You were so fearless, you just attacked them...I was holding my breath, waiting for the sound of—" She takes a shuddering breath and closes her eyes, hearing the echo of a close-range gunshot in her head. "I can't say it." After a pause, Veronica says, "I hate that they made me so scared."

"You've been through so much these last few weeks, Veronica. Please don't—"

"I know." She lapses into silence again. "I thought that I had killed Dad by waiting. I thought it was too late."

"Your dad is fine. You saved him."

"I almost didn't. I was too scared to act." Suddenly tears are running down her cheeks again. "Dammit. Logan...I don't care that I killed Liam, but...I keep hearing the fire extinguisher hitting his skull. I dreamed last night that...bits and pieces of his brain were all over me and—"

"Jesus, Veronica!"

"In my hair, and there was blood in my eye and— Oh god, Logan, Mac was dead. In the dream, she was dead." Veronica is shaking in his arms. "Dad was drowning, he was screaming why wouldn't I help him—"

"Veronica, shh." He tries to hold her as tightly as he can without hurting her. "It's okay. We're all okay." Logan kisses her head and keeps murmuring until she calms down. "Veronica...I...I used to dream all the time...about him."

She stiffens. "You mean...hurting you?"

"Yeah, for years I had nightmares. Sometimes it got so bad...I used to steal my mother's Valium, just so I could sleep the whole night through. Or I'd hit the liquor cabinet. Of course, if he noticed that the level in the Glenfiddich bottle was an inch lower...."

"Did the Valium help?" Veronica asks so quietly that he has to strain to hear her.

"A little. But...Veronica, I didn't have anybody. My mom always acted like nothing was happening—I couldn't talk to her about it. Mrs. Navarro would have helped, maybe, but she was afraid of my dad. But you've got me, and your dad, and all your friends."

"Oh my god, Logan—"

"I'm not saying I had it worse. I'm just saying you've got a lot of people who care about you, and I didn't, when that was going on." Logan sighs. "Veronica, I was a mess. You're not a mess. You've got help, you're going to get through this." He hugs her.

"I feel like a mess," she admits. "Remick said...if I had trouble sleeping he could write me a prescription."

"Okay, that's good. We can call him if you need it. You know, Veronica, I don't think I could love you the way I do if you weren't affected by what happened to us."

Without thinking, she whips around to look at him and ends up wincing in pain. "Shit. ...Say that again?"

He hesitates, regretting his hasty words. Finally he says, "I think it's okay that you're scared and upset. You're not a cold-blooded killer, Veronica. I don't think I could love you the way I do if you didn't get upset about what happened. Do you remember...do you remember how you were after Beaver died?"

She nods.

"You hated him, but...it wasn't just hate. It was sorrow for what Woody did and how stupid we all were that we didn't know what was going on. After everything he did to you, every evil thing he did, you were still able to pity him. And that was hard for you...you hated that it wasn't just easy and black-and-white, he wasn't someone that you could just despise...even though you wanted to."

"You're giving me more credit than you should. I do hate him." Suddenly she tenses. 'I hate him, I hate him.' She remembers saying that at Briar Hill...or does she? 'I hate him, I hate him.' Klein saying, 'You thought it would feel even better if you had sex with someone,' but she had denied it, 'No! I hate him, I hate him. He raped me!' When we were in the van...I remember freaking out...thinking about Aaron trapping me in the freezer, about Beaver trying to get me to jump, about Klein— It was something about...lipstick?? No, that can't be right. That last day at the school, it's such a fucking jumble. Roger...I mean— Logan. His face. The way that he looked at me that day. Shit. Dammit!! She whispers intensely, "Logan...that last day at Briar Hill...when we ended the operation. I think...I remember you coming in...I don't know why, but I was frightened of you. Your face, when you saw me—it's so clear in my mind, almost the only thing I'm certain I remember from that day—why were you so shocked when you saw me?"

She feels him go rigid behind her. "Veronica...what? Briar Hill? Y-you know I don't really know what happened that last day. Your wire was out and—"

"You're lying. You're not telling me something. What did you see when you came in? What was so shocking?" She exhales sharply, getting increasingly wound up. "You said you would tell me last week, after we got back to Neptune, and then we never talked about it again. Logan...I remembered something from that last day while we were riding in the van. I was freaking out, obsessing about Beaver...and Mercer...and...and Aaron. God, Logan! I was panicked, and all of a sudden I remembered Klein doing something with...lipstick. And I remember feeling so ashamed. Logan, what did you see?" He doesn't answer, and she slaps the bathwater in frustration, making him flinch. "Dammit, I can't even storm out of here. I have to fucking ask your help to have an argument with you." Veronica grabs the towel bar and tries to haul herself her up out of the water. She slips and falls backward against him.

"Veronica, stop! I'll help you." He grabs her in a hug. "Just breathe for one minute...and then I'll do whatever you want. I'll help you out of the tub so you can throw things, or punch me in the chest, whatever. I promise."

"Will you tell me what happened!? God, Logan. We already went through this! How many years that you kept it from me what really happened at Shelley's party? How could you do this to me again? You know how much it...pisses me off to not know something."

"Veronica...breathe. Give me a second to catch up to you! You didn't say—I didn't know you remembered something...Veronica, please." He holds her tightly, stroking her hair, listening to her agitated breathing and feeling her heart thump in her chest.

He realizes suddenly...she's pissed. She's pissed as hell...because there's something she wants to know. That's...that's fucking great. I'll take Veronica pissed over apathetic any day. She's still Veronica after all. She's calmed down a little, and he kisses the back of her head. "All right. Scoot forward in the tub so I can stand up and help you get out." He hears her repressed sigh. "Veronica...it's not going to be forever. You're not going to need me like this forever." He gets out of the tub and wraps a towel around his waist, grabbing a second one for her. "Okay."

Veronica glares at him. "You're going to talk to me about that day?"

He nods and extends a hand to steady her as she tries to stand again, hanging onto the grab bar. She steps out of the tub and into the towel that he wraps around her. "Can I carry you to the bed?"

She tries to scowl at him. "Stop sucking up."

"Come on, I'm not above using a little romance to get on your good side, Mars." He carefully picks her up and takes her to the bed. He crawls onto the bed and lies down on his side facing her. He caresses her hand for a few moments, squeezing it lightly. Logan sighs dramatically and drops her hand. "Okay, I'm ready."

"What?" she says, exasperated.

"Go ahead, hit me if you need to."

She punches him pretty hard in the chest, left-handed.

"Ow! I didn't think you'd really do it," Logan comments, rubbing the spot where she nailed him. "Was that good for you? Because it really sucked for me."

"Stop it."

"What?"

"You're trying to distract me."

"It's not working, huh?" He reaches to her face and puts a strand of hair behind her ear.

"It kind of is," she mutters.

"Good."

"How bad is it, that you have to prop me up like this before you talk about it?" she says suddenly. "Or is it that I'm too fragile to hear it?" He plays with her hair again, and she grabs his hand to stop him. "Just tell me, Logan. I have to hear it sometime."

Hesitantly, Logan begins. "That last night, I couldn't sleep. The night before, I'd had a horrible dream. Hannah was in restraints, telling me I had to finish this and that you needed me to be strong. She wanted me to tell the world what was going on at the school. And then it changed...it was you in the restraints, telling me you loved me and needed me." He glances at Veronica. "I...I'd really been having a terrible time, Veronica. I was upset that I might be turning into my dad. The guys I was working with at the school...I was so worried they could see that I was there to protect you and...I had to be tougher with you when they were watching. And...the jokes and...."

Logan sighs loudly. "Your dad and Lynley decided that they needed to keep the operation going for a little longer. I wasn't happy about it. I knew something bad was going to happen sooner or later. And Kavner told me they were making an example out of you, and he thought they might have hurt you pretty bad when they took you down to the floor." He brushes her injured shoulder with the back of his hand.

Veronica nods encouragingly.

"When I picked you up from the hike, I knew you were hurting...and you were being so stubborn about quitting. And they started asking you about Lilly in group...and I almost lost it. I'm sorry, Veronica...that was hard for me. I know, I shouldn't have reacted. I'm so sorry. I jeopardized your safety."

"Logan, no...it's all right—"

He interrupts, "Veronica...I know you had to think on your feet so you didn't blow your cover. It's okay. I was really affected by the school too. It was so fucking hard."

She's shaking her head. "You don't understand. I think...I think I was already starting to— to hallucinate."

"What?"

"I had a fever...Kavner had slipped me some Tylenol that morning, which helped, but.... I remember thinking you were going to go to Alyssa and tell her everything...you were going to tell them I was undercover, because you were working for them now."

Logan stares at her. "Oh, Veronica. You must have been so scared." He swallows and presses on. "Anyways, that last night, I couldn't sleep. I was worried about you, and I didn't want to have another nightmare, I guess. So finally I got up and walked around the campus, and I saw Alyssa coming back from the main building. I knew something was wrong. I knew they were doing something to you. I called your dad right away, but they said you were okay."

"My bug wasn't working. That was...right when they were stressing me."

"You remember that part?"

"Yeah...the jumping jacks, and then they made me shelve books. I was so exhausted, and my shoulder hurt terribly."

"What about the next day? What do you remember?" He takes her hand again and holds on tight.

She closes her eyes. "I remember...breakfast. Then Alyssa talking in group therapy...she wouldn't shut up, 'everything happens for a reason', over and over again. I remember I kept imagining people were there who shouldn't have been there...Madison, Shelly Pomroy, Kendall. And then I thought I saw Carrie Murray, and I knew she was to supposed to be with Dad...and I didn't know what she was up to. I was so confused." Veronica pulls her hand loose from Logan's and rubs her forehead.

"It's okay...it's okay. Take your time."

"And then Alyssa told me it was time for me to get honest, and Klein sat down in front of me." Veronica opens her eyes. "It's just flashes after that. Something about we don't do anything when we're high that we don't want to do when we're sober...and I know he called me a slut." She exhales loudly. "I know we were talking about my rape. I don't remember what I said. Logan, you know...I don't really remember much of Shelly's party. Even after we talked last week, it's still just a blur. People told me what happened, and sometimes I think that what I think are my memories are actually the lies that people told me. I might have told Klein the things that people told me, whether they were true or not."

"What's the next thing you remember for sure?"

"Your face...you were so upset. But I remember being scared of you. I remember Klein was talking, he wouldn't shut up."

"I had to punch him out to make him stop talking." He avoids looking at her and stops talking.

"Logan, just tell me," she says anxiously.

"That morning, Lynley paged me, telling me to check on you in group therapy. I peeked in the room, and the girls were sitting in a circle around you."

Veronica nods, listening intently.

"Klein was talking to you, he was touching your chin, trying to make a point."

Veronica winces.

"I told Lynley I wanted to go in there and get you, and he told me to wait for the feds. There were two guards, plus Klein and Alyssa." He sighs deeply. "He probably was right, you could have gotten seriously hurt. But I hated waiting like that; I could hear you crying. I peeked in again; a couple girls were holding you and Alyssa was doing something to your face." He can't look at her anymore. "Kavner finally got there, and we went in."

"Just say it," she begs, a single tear streaming down her cheek. She brushes it away in annoyance.

"They had put makeup on your face, not regular makeup...really a lot, like—"

"Whore makeup," Veronica realizes shakily.

"And they had written SLUT on your forehead with lipstick. Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Veronica, I should have gone in sooner, I should have found you in the middle of the night when I first thought something was wrong. By the time we went in, you didn't even know me...you were scared of me." He pulls her close and murmurs into her ear, "I'm so sorry, Veronica. It's okay, it's okay."

Almost like a whisper in her brain, she remembers his words that day, the intense fear and concern of his voice at that point bewildering and frightening. 'Veronica, it's all right, I'm here, it's over. It's over, Veronica. I'm sorry. I'm here, Veronica.' Logan's voice, or was it Roger trying to trick her?...she had been so confused and scared. In a monotone, she recalls, "I think...I think I thought you were going to take me back to the restraints. I remember that now. When you guys didn't come when I used the code words, I decided that I had made it all up and imagined the whole operation. I thought I was really there for treatment; Dad had really sent me there. I thought you were trying to trick me into running again."

"God, Veronica...you really thought—" Logan pulls away to look at her. "Veronica. Talk to me." He caresses her cheek gently, but Veronica is lost in thought, with her eyes unfocused and a little damp from tears. "Are you going to be able to forgive me, Veronica?"

"What?" she replies, startled out of her reverie. "It's not your fault."

"I could have—"

"No, you couldn't. You tried." At his mournful expression, she says, "Logan, goddammit, don't make this worse. We can't change it. You didn't do this. I just wish...I wish we hadn't gone there at all. I was so certain that I'd be able to do it, no problem. I didn't think...but we did go there. It did happen."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what happened before now, Veronica. I told myself you weren't ready to talk about it, but the truth is, I wasn't ready to talk about it. I was really close to killing Klein that day. If the firemen hadn't pulled me off, I think I would have."

"I'm glad you didn't kill him."

She falls silent again, and he knows she is still trying to order her memories. "Veronica...what can I do?"

"Just hold me, Logan." He folds her into his arms again.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Fear and Loathing
Logan and Veronica return to Neptune.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Mac: Tina Majorino.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-THREE: "FEAR AND LOATHING"

Sun. 3/29/09, Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, California

Logan knocks on the front door of the Mars apartment and fits Veronica's key into the lock. Before he has a chance to open the door, Keith pulls it open and greets them with a hug. "Did you have a good time? How's the shoulder?"

Veronica smiles. "It was great. We didn't do much, but it was really good to get away."

From the living room, Mac walks over tentatively, her hands in her back pockets and an uncertain look on her face. "Hi, Veronica."

Veronica's smile fades. "Mac."

Logan glances from one girl to the other. "Mac, come here." He swoops down and clasps Mac in a tight hug. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good. I'm going to start classes again tomorrow." Her eyes flick over to Veronica, who looks completely wretched.

Logan replies, "So's Veronica. Are you going to move back into the dorm?"

"No, not yet. I don't think I'm ready for that. My parents are still getting settled in their new house anyways. I kind of want to spend as much time as possible with them. Veronica...what are you going to do?"

Veronica mumbles, "I guess I'm staying here." She looks to Logan for help. "Logan's...Logan's going to stay in Neptune for a while, until my shoulder's better. I'm a little nervous about driving with one hand."

"How's it feel?" Mac asks, motioning toward Vernonica's shoulder.

"You know. It hurts sometimes. But I think it'll be all right."

Keith interrupts, "Mac and I were just going to turn on 'South Park'. What do you say? Some popcorn? Ice cream?"

Logan says definitively, "Ice cream," at the same time as Veronica says, "Popcorn."

"No problem," Keith laughs. Veronica follows him to the kitchen while Logan puts their bags in Veronica's bedroom.

"Dad...you're feeling okay? Any more headaches? No weird symptoms?"

"I'm fine, Veronica." Leaning against the counter, he turns to look at her. "Mac called yesterday. I told her you'd be home tonight, Veronica. How come you haven't called her?"

Veronica shrugs and looks away.

"Veronica?"

"Don't, Dad."

"She thinks you're mad at her."

Veronica looks stricken. "Of course I'm not mad at her!"

"Then what? Veronica, she needs to talk to you. Her family doesn't understand what she went through. They wanted to throw her a big party, and she had to ask me to talk to them and tell them no."

"My fault," Veronica whispers. "It's my fault she went through this."

"She doesn't blame you, Veronica—"

"I blame me, okay?"

"She thinks you're upset because she couldn't figure out how to warn you. She seems depressed. Mac missed a month of school while she was in protective custody...she's got a lot of hard work ahead of her; she needs her friends to help her now."

Mac is approaching, unnoticed by Veronica, and she hears Veronica say intensely, "I'm not much of a friend. She's better off without me. I almost got her killed."

"Veronica!" Keith objects.

Mac interrupts, "Veronica, I don't blame you!" She touches Veronica's left shoulder tentatively. "Please...most of my friends...they just don't get it. My dad keeps telling jokes, thinking I'll just snap out of it one of these days. He doesn't understand that I'm scared. My mom keeps making my favorite vegan macaroni and cheese, like food is going to cure me."

Logan rejoins them. Keith meets his eyes, and Logan grimaces slightly, indicating that he's heard the conversation.

Veronica's voice is filled with self-loathing. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be scared, okay? God, Mac...everything you went through...it was because I went after Gory, and then I just had to investigate Hannah's murder. I couldn't leave it to the professionals, I had to butt in." She takes a deep breath and looks around at their concerned faces. "I've decided...I'm quitting the detective business. And I'm changing my major. I'm so sorry, Mac. I really screwed up, okay? I'm not going to put the people I love in danger ever again."

Mac and Keith are shocked into silence. Finally, Keith says, "Uh...are you sure about this, honey?"

Veronica nods emphatically.

Keith adds, "This seems a little...precipitous, Veronica."

"I thought you'd be relieved! You know, you won't have to worry about me anymore."

"I'll always worry about you, honey. That's my job. But Veronica—"

Veronica interjects, "Please...are you going to respect my decision? I'll help you interview new employees at Mars Investigations, and then I'm done. I want Wallace to stay out of the field, too. Okay?"

Everyone stares at her. Defiantly, she repeats, "Okay?"

"Okay, honey," Keith replies, trying to calm her down by rubbing her arm. "Why don't you and Mac go sit down by the TV? I'll bring the ice cream and popcorn in a minute." He smiles at her, and she and Mac go silently out to the living area. Logan moves to stand beside him and helps with the task of dishing up the ice cream while Keith puts the popcorn in the microwave. Keith says quietly, "You knew about this?"

"She told me over the weekend," Logan mutters. "I just want you to know, it wasn't my idea. I think she'll be completely miserable."

"It's one thing for her to recognize that she needs to be more careful, but to change her whole life?"

"I know. I tried to get her to promise that she wouldn't make any permanent decisions until some time went by, but...she's pretty stubborn."

"Yeah, I've noticed."

In a falsely chipper voice, Veronica says loudly, "What's taking so long with that ice cream, Logan?" She stares at Logan accusingly.

In a quiet singsong, Keith chants, "You're in twou-ble!"

Logan snorts. "Huh. That hasn't changed." He grabs the three bowls of ice cream and takes them out to the TV.

Veronica is sitting on the couch, her legs crossed with her foot swinging nervously. Over in the armchair, Mac's upset face is concentrating on the TV screen, which is showing a 'Girls Gone Wild' commercial for the millionth time. Veronica comments, "Comedy Central needs better sponsors."

"Totally," Mac replies distractedly.

Logan sits down beside Veronica and offers her a bowl of ice cream. She shakes her head; he's pretty sure she picked popcorn because it's easy to eat left-handed. In a stage whisper for Mac's benefit, he says, "You sure you don't want me to feed you some ice cream? I'm still in slave mode from this weekend." He makes a show of licking the ice cream spoon salaciously with his tongue.

Veronica frowns at him. "I'm quite sure."

"Maybe I'll slurp it out of your bellybutton later," he snarks. "Mmm." He winks at Mac.

"Gross," Mac pronounces, with a small smile. "Get a room."

"Stop it," Veronica whispers.

"Stop what?"

"You know." She glances at Mac.

"Veronica...try to just...be glad we're all okay," he says, a little more frustrated than he intends. "I'm just screwing around, trying to be normal."

Veronica sighs. "I'm sorry."

Mac clears her throat. "What, uh, classes do you have tomorrow, Veronica?"

"I'm actually going to try to stop at the dean's first thing to find out what my options are for changing my major. You know, what majors are even possible with all the criminology courses I've taken. Pre-law, maybe business administration...they'd be the obvious choices I guess."

Logan sucks in a breath. Damn her, she's always so determined. He whispers, "Veronica, you promised you wouldn't—"

A little bitchy, she replies, "I know, Logan, I'm not making a decision yet. I just want to see what my options are. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's okay. It just seems a little..."

"What?!" she snaps.

"Nothing, Veronica," he sighs.

"I'll make sure to get your permission before I do anything permanent, okay?" She turns toward the TV and sulks.

Mac looks at Logan with a worried glance. He changes the subject instead, saying, "Put the volume up a little. This is the good part." Logan stares at the TV without really seeing Cartman's antics.

Keith joins them, and they watch the episode in virtual silence. Keith laughs loudly, and Mac chuckles quietly a few times, but both Veronica and Logan don't even make a pretense of enjoying it.

~ • ~

Sun. 3/29/09, Neptune, California

Logan offers to drive Mac home. In the car, Mac is quiet and pensive. Logan asks, "How are you really doing, Mac? Are you sleeping okay?"

"Not really. They gave me a prescription for Ambien and some stuff for anxiety, but I don't want to take anything."

"I know what you mean." He glances over at Mac, noting the dark circles under her eyes. "Veronica's been having nightmares, too."

Obviously uneasy, Mac asks, "Logan, why would Veronica think I was mad at her?"

"How much do you know about what happened at the undercover operation at Briar Hill?" Logan explains briefly about the psychological conditioning that was occurring at the school.

"They told her she was a black hole and a user? That's awful. Wait...you think—"

"She's still affected by it, I'm certain of it. They drummed it into her head over and over that she never thinks about how her actions affect the people around her. She spent the whole week she was there thinking about all the bad decisions she's ever made. Then as soon as we got back, the Gory thing happened, and she felt guilty about that too. And then...the other thing is...Mac, she was very close to giving up when we were kidnapped. I think she was ready to die. She's always thought of herself as so strong, and I think it's really scared her to know...that someone could break her like that."

After a tense pause, Mac muses, "How is she not locked up in a rubber room right now?"

"Just be patient with her...I think when her arm heals a bit that will help. Now it's like a constant reminder that she's broken. And every time she has to ask me for help...." He shrugs. "Mac, what about you? Is there anything I can do?"

"The FBI found me a counselor who specializes in crime victims. I guess she's okay. I've only seen her once so far. The thing is...my family just doesn't understand. They keep saying, 'Try not to think about it,' and figure that's all I need." She looks over at him. "I'm kind of scared about tomorrow, going back to school."

"What's scary about it? Can I help?"

"Just...I'm nervous about being alone, nervous about the other kids asking me about it."

"I know someone who'd be more than happy to guard you all day long. And all night if you could stand it."

Mac laughs. "Hah. Yeah, you're right; that's a good idea."

"I'll call him for you. What time do you want Dick to pick you up?"

"Eight thirty, I guess."

"He'll probably be just rolling in from a kegger...but don't worry, he'll be here. As for that other thing—why don't you practice on me? You know, figure out a way to answer people with stupid questions."

"Okay...go ahead."

"'So...what was it like?'"

Mac swallows. "Jesus, this is hard." She sighs. "You'd think I would have figured out an answer by now."

"How about, 'It's really hard to talk about it, it was a very difficult experience.' Then you need to shut 'em down, say something like, 'I appreciate that you asked, I know I can count on you if I ever need someone to talk to.' Then smile and walk away."

They pull up outside the Mackenzie residence and sit in the car practicing various responses until Mac declares that she feels a little more prepared for tomorrow. "Thanks, Logan."

"I've had a lot of experience with the paparazzi, you know. But the thing is, I usually lose my cool and blow up, and I don't think of a great response until later. I wish I had thought to practice with someone when all my shit was going on."

"Oh god...Logan, do you think there will be reporters?"

He nods. "Yeah, probably. Try to just say, 'I can't comment on an open investigation.' If they bug you, tell them you're going to call the sheriff and file harassment charges. And they'll go away eventually; they'll lose interest and move on the next time some actress gets popped for driving drunk. And Mac...don't read the papers. And ask your family not to, either."

Mac turns to him. "What are we going to do about Veronica, Logan? I don't want her to chase after serial killers, but I don't want her to change everything about her life either because of what happened. She loves to investigate. She was so excited about the FBI after the second internship last summer."

"You know, in some ways, she was doing better tonight...picking a fight, getting pissed at us, being her usual stubborn self. She's been completely apathetic this whole week."

"Except she's determined to stop being Veronica...I can't imagine her not being a detective."

Logan nods. "I know. Right now, she's really clinging to me...it's scary how much she's depending on me. All I can think is that she's not herself any more, and I really want to push her, try to force her to be more like her old reckless self. Because Mac...if I let her make these changes, let her turn into a pale imitation of herself, I'm afraid she's going to wake up one day and hate her life and hate having me in it." He looks at Mac with a desolate expression. "I think she'll blame me...because I always tried to make her stop taking foolish chances. And now...I don't know what to do. She's hurting and she's afraid, but I can't see her being happy in the long run if she changes everything that makes her Veronica."

Mac thinks for a minute. "Maybe with some time...."

Logan nods. "Yeah...I'm hoping that something will pique her interest. Maybe when she sees her dad investigating, she'll realize how much she misses it. Maybe I can try to nudge her a little, try to help her see that she won't be happy if she gives it up."

Almost inaudibly, Mac says, "Logan...what if this is the right thing for her...to stop investigating? Maybe she would be happier."

He's completely unnerved and unable to respond.

Mac adds gently, "Maybe you should be prepared...sometimes people go through a life-changing event and are completely different afterwards."

He knows she's talking about herself. "But they still find a way back to themselves."

"But they've changed, Logan."

He presses his head back against the headrest and closes his eyes. "I don't know, Mac. Lately, when she opens up to me...she's clearly making this change because of fear and guilt. You know, I used to fantasize about a life together, where she wasn't taking crazy chances and was able to tell me she loved and needed me all the time." Logan opens his eyes and looks at Mac. "Even in my fantasies, I always knew that wasn't really Veronica. I don't want to force her to do anything...but I love her. I want her to be happy. And still somehow be together with me."

"Even if she changes, you can find a way to be together. I think Veronica is never going to be exactly the same again, Logan. I don't think you're the same either. Think about everything you've been through. You're two different people now. I'm different." Her eyes drop to her lap. "I'm more scared of...well, of living my life, than I ever used to be. I feel like I've been away forever. God, I missed you guys so much."

Logan grabs her hand. "We missed you too, Mac." He squeezes her hand tightly. "We've got to figure out how to be okay again." Logan leans over and grips Mac in a tight hug. They hold onto each other for a long time. Logan whispers, "I'm sorry Veronica's being such a butthead. She'll come around. And I'm here for you if you need me. So is Mr. Mars."

"I know." She still holds on tight. Finally Mac breaks the clinch. "Maybe we'll see you at Hearst tomorrow."

"Yeah. Definitely. We'll find you at lunchtime."

After Mac goes in the house, Logan sits in the car for a long time just thinking about people changing.

~ • ~

Sun. 3/29/09, Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, California

When Logan gets back to the apartment, the lights are off and both Keith and Veronica have gone to bed. He walks into Veronica's bedroom; just a small light is on, and Veronica's eyes are shut. He stands there for a moment looking at her, suddenly worried that she doesn't want him in her bed tonight.

She opens her eyes and says, "Hey. Mac got home all right?"

"Yeah. Do you— Do—" He falters. "Did you want me to sleep on the couch tonight?"

"No, of course not. I'm...I'm sorry I was such a bitch tonight."

"You get a free pass, just this once." He undresses and gets ready for bed and slips under the covers next to her, his front snuggled up to her back. "Your dad helped you get ready for bed?"

"Actually...I got the sling off and on by myself. I can move my shoulder a little more now."

"That's great. Pretty soon you won't need me to dress you at all, then I can concentrate on my prime directive—undressing you." He feels rather than hears her amused reaction. Logan finds her hand and twines his fingers with hers.

"You guys are making me crazy," she whispers.

"You guys, or me?"

"You want to take care of me, but you want me to be more independent; you want me to keep being a detective, even though you used to make me nuts being overprotective; you don't want me to feel guilty about Mac, but god I do feel guilty....It's not just you, it's Dad too."

"We're just trying to help...but we don't know how."

"I can't help how I feel, Logan. It just seems like...it's just not worth it anymore. I've got to make some changes in my life, or I'm going to go crazy with all these feelings. I'm sorry this is so hard." She inhales and then, almost babbling, blurts out, "Logan, how come you're not more of a mess? I keep falling apart, and you're always there, ready to listen and talk me down. I feel like I'm going insane half of the time—and somehow you're holding it together. You must have thought we were going to die too. I can't believe you weren't scared. Didn't you...weren't you—"

"Shh, Veronica, it's okay....Of course I was scared. I'm just...." He exhales and presses his lips against the nape of her neck. "All I can think is that I'm glad we're okay. I can't spend any more time thinking about what we should have done, or what we shouldn't have done. I've spent too much time worrying about the past. I want to worry about our future." Relinquishing her hand, he rolls onto his back and looks up at the ceiling, lost in thought. After a few minutes, he says morosely, "At least that's what I think I want. Maybe I'm kidding myself. Maybe I'm avoiding dealing with things by focusing on you. Maybe instead of drinking myself into a stupor I'm drugging myself with taking care of you."

"You're not doing that. Come back...hold me," she begs, and after a moment he rolls back to cuddle with her. She fumbles and finds his hand again, holding on tight.

He whispers in her ear, "I just have this idea of the two of us, someday, happy together. I'm trying so hard to hold onto it. I can't see the details yet...I just can't make them out. And I'm focusing every bit of energy I have into keeping that vision alive."

"Riding off into the sunset together?"

"Something like that." Logan holds her close, his head buried in the fine strands of her golden hair. He breathes in her familiar smell, that precious emanation of all her scents that always calms him. His last thought before he falls asleep is a solemn vow to help Veronica Mars find herself again.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Stuck on Pathological
Time marches on; Veronica reflects; Keith
takes a new case, which is an old case.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Duncan: Chris
Carmack. Susan: Merritt Wever.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR: "STUCK ON PATHOLOGICAL"

Mon. 4/13/09, morning, Hearst College, Neptune, California

Two weeks later....

VERONICA

I walk out of my Topics in Criminology Seminar, and there he is...sitting on the wall in the quad, waiting for me. Logan doesn't see me yet, so I walk slowly, appreciating the chance to spy on him for just a minute. The sun picks up the blond highlights in his hair; he looks relaxed, smiling at someone across the way. I turn to look and see Mac waving from across the quad.

Logan has a large cup of cappuccino waiting for me; his laptop bag rests against his ankle. He turns his head and sees me.

I think I'll never get tired of seeing his smile whenever he sees me. I remember how uncomfortable he used to make me in the past; he was so intense, so focused in his adoration, and I couldn't ever just accept it. But now...I'm not sure what I'd do without him taking care of me every day.

It scares me how much I need him.

He takes my backpack from me and hands me my coffee, and we walk to his car. Logan tells me about the writing he got done during my classes; he sounds excited and happy. And I'm glad for him...and worried...and guilty...and jealous.

We still haven't figured out what we're going to do after the semester ends. I stopped talking about changing my major after that last fight a couple weeks ago, and Logan thinks I've reconsidered. But I'm going to do it...Dean Rose said it was of course possible, but I would probably lose at least a semester toward my degree at this late point. It's occurred to me more than once that this would be the perfect opportunity to transfer up to UCLA, just chuck everything here and start over as a junior at a new school. Nobody will know me there...maybe I can actually do it right this time and try not to piss anybody off.

Just be Logan's girlfriend: Veronica Mars, the pre-law major. She's kinda quiet, doesn't talk much. She needs a few hobbies, though. All this free time is beginning to chafe.

I see a girl and a boy arguing; as we pass by, I hear her say angrily, "You lied to me! You slept with her, didn't you?" I note her pained expression and his defensive posture, and I automatically connect the dots: cheater. And I can't help thinking about late-night assignations and stakeouts at cheap motels featuring hourly rates, with a thermos of bad coffee and aching shoulders from sitting in one position for too long. I resolutely turn my thoughts away from the insane thrill of finally getting that perfectly focused money shot, and try to concentrate on how nice it is to always get eight hours of sleep every night.

I'm pretty certain I see one of the Pi Sigs buying some weed over by the Science Building, and I make sure to look away. I'm not going to have anything to do with criminals anymore. I'm thinking about patent law, or maybe trusts and estates. Lots and lots of boring paperwork, and I won't need a gun or a taser.

Dad hired a temp for the office. I know he's confused by my decision. It took him so long to accept me pursuing a career in law enforcement, and now it's like he's stuck there and can't change his mind. Sometimes he slips and says something like, "When you're in the FBI, you'll have to—" and then he catches himself when he sees my face. I can see that he's bursting to talk about his cases with me, but I just feel exhausted and scared, and I beg him not to. I can't take the chance that I'll make the wrong decision again.

Sometimes when the light hits Dad's profile in just the right way, it reminds me of his silhouette just before Liam shoved him off the boat. All I can hear then is splashing and the pops of bullets hitting the water, and I completely lose track of whatever Dad is saying to me. I nod my head and hope he doesn't notice.

Logan is still talking about what he wrote today. He's been working on an outline for a screenplay based on the undercover operation. At first, he was hesitant to tell me about it, but when I lied and said it didn't bother me, he said it was really helping him to 'process' what happened. I'm dreading the day when he asks me to read it.

He seems so enthused by this project...I can't take it away from him. I need him so much right now, and I like seeing him happy. That's what this was all about, right? That's why I started investigating Hannah's murder, because he was so tormented by his guilt. And of course I thought I had the solution.

As usual, there are reporters waiting for us by Logan's car. 'Ms. Mars, what do you think of the latest development in the Fitzpatrick case?' 'Veronica! Can you give us a quote?' Logan is ready for them and quickly shuts them down with a 'no comment'. We get in the car and drive to my physical therapy. I keep my poker face stoic and unchanging when they snap photos through the car window as we exit the parking lot.

Yes, there's been a development in the case. Before he jumped off the Coronado, Dr. Griffith very thoughtfully mailed duplicate flash drives with detailed records of his money laundering operation for the Fitzpatricks to the US Attorney, Sheriff D'Amato, and my dad. I guess Griffith wanted to make sure that the evidence got out there...and to make sure that Hannah's murder was avenged somehow. They were very detailed records, including taped conversations with Liam Fitzpatrick and a certain crooked FBI agent.

And Agent Carney read the writing on the wall and turned government witness before you could take a breath. The newspapers are reporting that he'll serve the minimum sentence of fifteen years for Hannah's murder and the same for killing Alan Sheffield, and then spend the rest of his life in witness protection, in return for helping to shut down one of the largest criminal organizations on the West Coast and locating their financial assets. He also pleaded kidnapping and attempted murder down to menacing and assault—another scant eighteen months for what he did to us.

Thirty-one and a half years in total. It doesn't seem enough. What he did to Hannah was heinous: he should be facing the death penalty, or at least life without parole. But there was no forensic evidence pointing to Carney in her murder...in fact, the only evidence against Carney was his confession to us and Mel the diner owner's eyewitness testimony.

Apparently, Carney's attorneys were able to break the Saturday Night Slasher's alibi for Hannah's murder. Andrew Shekar confessed to all the other murders except Hannah's, but he can't prove he didn't kill her, and, with eight consecutive life sentences already hanging over his head, he probably wouldn't try very hard. Carney's prosecution promised to be a courtroom circus rivaling the Aaron Echolls' trial, with Carney blaming Shekar for the murder and trying to impeach our testimony. The four of us would have had to relive the entire trauma, and, with the media relentlessly publicizing the real serial murderer's sick journals, Carney might have won an acquittal on reasonable doubt. Here's some more irony for you: Carney's defense team subpoenaed Mac's research on just who else had access to the FBI's Slasher files.

They never did find Alan Sheffield's body, so that case had problems too. Mac's eyewitness testimony was the only evidence. I don't want to think about how Carney's attorneys would have attacked her testimony.

So when Carney offered to become the prosecution's star witness in exchange for a sweetheart deal of second degree murder on both charges, the government caved. I guess it was too important to close down all the Fitzpatricks' drug running.

Thirty-one and a half years...but word on the street is that Ciaran Fitzpatrick, new head of the family, doesn't intend to let Carney live very long at all.

But the end result of the plea arrangement is that Carney won't actually have to be tried for either murder, and his testimony means the rest of the Fitzpatrick family and their cronies will probably end up also taking deals rather than face certain conviction. They're practically tripping over themselves blaming everything on Liam, anyways. I'm not sure how Liam had time to do everything his brothers are blaming on him.

The main thing is Mac won't have to go through the ordeal of a trial. She won't have to testify about seeing Alan shot to death in front of her or talk about the two and a half days she was kidnapped. That's one thing I don't have to feel guilty about.

When I'm with Mac, I feel like a cartoon Wile E. Coyote, with a giant cannonball hole through my gut, smoking and blackened...still somehow alive and moving, but with a gaping void right through the center of my body. I smile, I sometimes even laugh a little, but I've died inside...she shouldn't have had to go through that. It was all my fault. I don't know how she can stand to look at me.

Maybe giving up what I loved most in the world will be enough to make up for it.

I think Logan suspects how I feel, even though I hide it from him. I've caught him looking at me, very worried and concerned, and then when he sees me looking, he smiles and makes a joke. I'm pretty sure he's decided that distracting me with sex is a good plan...we've always been good in the bedroom, and now is no exception. I guess he thinks it's life-affirming and it's what I need right now. I do feel more alive when I lose myself in his arms, so maybe he's onto something.

Dr. Friedman says that the people around us don't always know what to do when we're in crisis. Crisis...I guess that's what this is.

Yes, I'm in therapy. God, I'm such a cliché. Logan and I head up to Los Angeles on Fridays after my morning class. He meets with his academic advisor, trying to salvage something of this semester, while I talk with Dr. Friedman. She and I are going through the Briar Hill operation one day at a time. I'm impatient to get to my memory gaps of the last day, but the good doctor seems to think I need to be a little stronger before we go there.

She wants to talk about my mother and the betrayal I felt when I found out about her relationship with Jake Kane. And then we talk about how Mom abandoned me when I needed her the most. Most of the time I just wonder how all this talking is supposed to be helping me. I prefer to stuff all my feelings about Lianne into a tiny box and shove it into the back of my closet. That's healthy, right? Sometimes Dr. Friedman looks at me like I'm an incredibly intriguing puzzle. We haven't even begun to talk about Beaver yet...but he's always right there, under the surface, tainting almost everything.

Logan is so passionate about his sessions with her. He talks about how much she has helped him. I nod and agree...while on the inside I'm just as confused as ever.

This reinvention stuff is hard. I know...I'm supposed to be on a journey from pathologically suspicious to trusting and well-adjusted. But most days I feel like I'm stuck on pathological.

~ • ~

Mon. 4/13/09, Mars Investigations, Neptune, California

Keith is working hard at his desk, trying to clear up the mountain of paperwork that has accumulated over the last few weeks while he's been recuperating. The temporary worker, Susan, that he and Veronica selected to act as a receptionist and secretary is experienced and eager, but there is a stack of correspondence from the insurance companies for whom Keith investigates personal injury claims that only he can handle. In addition, the FBI has requested to interview him again about the Briar Hill case, and Keith knows he'll need to review the notes and transcripts from the operation. He's been procrastinating, unwilling to think again about his daughter being subjected to psychological conditioning and physical abuse. To make matters worse, the requests for interviews have barely slowed down. He directs Susan to hold all his calls, and with a heavy sigh, begins to look through his material on Briar Hill.

After a few hours of hard work, Susan knocks lightly on the door. "Someone to see you, Mr. Mars."

"It's Keith, please," he replies. "Who is it?"

"Duncan Kane."

"Show him in," he says, standing up and walking to the doorway.

Duncan walks to the door, with Lilly holding onto his hand. He says nervously, "Um...do you think your assistant could watch Lilly while we talk?"

"Oh, sure," Susan says agreeably. "Come on, Lilly. Let's play on the computer."

Lilly looks to her dad. He nods, and she relinquishes his hand and goes to Susan. Duncan shakes Keith's hand. "Thank you again for what you did for me."

"Of course. What's going on?" Keith takes his seat behind the desk and watches Duncan, who seems agitated.

Duncan says abruptly, "A reporter came to see me last night. He wanted to get my reaction to the news that no charges will be filed in Kendall's murder case."

"Yes, I saw the press conference with Sheriff D'Amato. 'At this time, there is insufficient evidence to pursue an indictment.' But Duncan, everyone is assuming that someone connected with the Fitzpatricks killed her on Liam's orders. Carney admitted that Kendall was the reason that they killed Hannah."

"The reporter was insinuating that there was some sort of coverup. Someone at the Neptune Grand told him about my affair with Kendall. I think his story is going to imply that I killed her...because she was blackmailing me." Duncan's voice quivers slightly. "It's a little too close to the truth. And I don't have an alibi for that night. You know that Sheriff D'Amato's original theory was that Kendall was blackmailing me about the kidnapping."

"Are you worried about being charged?"

"I don't think they have enough evidence for that. But you know that the judge will be reviewing my adoption petition in a few months. I'll be under scrutiny for the rest of my life because I ran with her. And frankly I'm worried about the publicity. I don't want Lilly to grow up and discover that people suspect I killed someone."

They look at each other for a moment, both of them unwilling to voice the words that a thorough investigation into Duncan's past might also invite an inquiry into Veronica's role in the kidnapping. Keith finally says, "You were home alone the night Kendall was killed?"

Duncan nods. "I was fixing up Lilly's bedroom...mostly painting."

"Did you save the receipt for the painting supplies?" Keith asks.

Duncan shakes his head. "I paid cash."

"Well, we can go to the store and see if anyone remembers you. You bought the paint that day?" When Duncan nods, Keith continues, "There had been a lot of publicity after your amnesty announcement; maybe the clerks noticed you. Did you get a custom color for the paint?"

"Yeah...I painted a border of pink flowers with green leaves all the way around the room. I brought a picture from a magazine that they copied with the color scanner, and they helped me pick out a stencil for the flowers."

Keith adds, "Did you listen to the radio while you were painting, anything that could support your testimony? Listen to a ball game maybe?"

"No. I had my iPod playing. And I didn't call anybody, and nobody called me. Keith...I was in a pretty dark place. Katerina had turned out to be Kendall, and I felt like a total sap for falling for her. I was worried about the custody hearing, and of course Veronica—" He looks at Keith mournfully. "You know, I never gave up hope that Veronica had maybe waited for me. I still love your daughter. I know, she's happy with Logan. But I'll always care about her. I was just barely holding it together that night."

Keith ponders. "Duncan, even if we find somebody who remembers you buying paint that day, it's a lousy alibi. You could have painted for a while and then left. You'll still be the target of rumors if this story comes out. And you can't hold a news conference and declare your innocence."

"Exactly. Keith, I think the only way to clear my name is to figure out who actually killed her. I know...I know you're still recovering from what happened up north. Do you think—?"

"Of course. I can take a look into it."

"I'll pay double your usual rates."

Keith shakes his head. "That's not necessary."

"You've had a lot of trouble because of me. I insist." Duncan takes out a checkbook. "Five thousand retainer okay?"

"It's more than enough."

"Please take it." Duncan finishes writing the check with a flourish and pushes it across the desk to Keith. "Thank you again."

"Duncan...one other thing. Veronica has decided she doesn't want to work here anymore, and she says she isn't going to pursue a career in the FBI. I don't know if she'll change her mind. And I don't even know how I feel about her decision just yet. For right now, I think she needs a little peace and quiet in her life to feel safe again. So, I think it would be best if you don't tell her that I'm working for you."

"She's quitting?" Duncan says incredulously. "Veronica?"

Keith nods. "Like I said, peace and quiet...some time to heal. Please don't involve her in this." He looks out the window, saying quietly, "I'm worried about her. She's not herself."

With a guilty expression, Duncan nods and leaves, shutting the door behind him. Keith listens as Duncan and Lilly take their leave from the outer office, with Lilly saying 'Bye-bye' several times to the temp.

Keith thinks back to the boat. Liam had said, 'Nope...didn't kill her. Wish I had...I really wanted to kick her ass after that crap she pulled on me with the Phoenix Land Trust. Stupid bitch, didn't know when she had it good. Yeah...somebody did me a big favor killing Kendall. Why do you think we killed Hannah Griffith?'

Keith wonders, Would Liam have lied to us at that point? I doubt it. He was certain we weren't going to live to tell the tale. No, Liam didn't kill her. And it sounds like Carney had an alibi that night as well. And if one of Liam's flunkies did it, they would have made damn sure that Liam knew about it.

He picks up the phone and dials a number. "Sacks...it's Keith Mars. I wonder if I could take you out to dinner and pick your brain?" After a short conversation with Deputy Sacks, he hangs up and dials Cliff McCormack. "Hey Cliff....I'm fine, I'm back to work, what are you up to?" Keith listens and laughs. "Oh no, your client got caught with his pants down at Le Jerk De Soleil massage parlor? You'll have to do some fast talking....Cliff, I need a favor. What's the scuttlebutt down at the courthouse about the Kendall Casablancas inquest?" After Cliff promises to ask around for him, Keith begins surfing the internet for all the news reports on Kendall's murder investigation.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Reinvention
Wallace, Mac, and Dick catch up; an arrest
in Shawn's murder case.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Wallace: Percy Daggs III. Mac: Tina Majorino.
Dick: Ryan Hanson. Candice: Toy Connor.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FIVE: "REINVENTION"

Wed. 4/15/09, noon, Hearst College Food Court, Neptune, California

Wallace waves at Mac, who is wandering around the food court looking for him with Dick in tow. Mac nudges Dick, who goes off to get some napkins, and she hurries over to Wallace's table.

"Still got your pet gorilla, I see," Wallace comments.

"He's got his uses," Mac says, smiling ruefully. "He's actually pretty good at fending off the paparazzi. Of course, he's constantly trying to get in my pants."

"You're not considering—?"

"Oh, god no," she replies.

Dick walks up to the table and puts down his tray. "Hey, Fennel."

"Dick, how's it hanging?"

Dick shrugs. "You know what they say...if in doubt, rub one out. Words to live by."

"You gotta appreciate him for the sheer entertainment value," Mac remarks. "He's got a million of 'em, unfortunately. So...how she's doing?"

"Is Veronica still avoiding you?" Wallace says with concern.

"Yeah, pretty much. I'm starting to think she's never going to forgive herself. I miss her," Mac sighs. "What are you up to?"

Wallace looks around before saying discreetly, "Keith has me working on the Kendall Casablancas murder case."

"What?"

"You know that they dismissed the indictment against the late Liam Fitzpatrick for lack of evidence." Wallace appraises Mac for a moment. "The client is Duncan Kane. He was hooking up with Kendall Casablancas for a couple weeks before she was killed." He briefly summarizes what happened while Mac was in protective custody at the FBI.

Mac makes a face and turns to Dick. "Duncan was sleeping with your super-hot step-mom? Did you know about this?"

"Uh, no," Dick admits. "I didn't even know she was in town until the sheriff came to question me about my alibi. How did Duncan manage to get her in the sack?"

"I'm guessing he flashed his bank balance at her," Wallace snarks. "Anyways, a reporter has been asking a lot of questions about Duncan's relationship with her, and Duncan thought that the rumors would never go away unless the real murderer was found. So he asked Keith to look into it. It's totally hyphy that people think Duncan could have offed Kendall...Duncan would never murder someone. He's much more likely to run away and leave Veronica to pick up the pieces of his life."

"So what are you working on?" Mac asks.

"I'm checking on the stolen vehicle that picked up Kendall the night she was murdered, the last time she was seen alive. It belonged to the Crawfords...you know, parents of Jennings, who went to Neptune High with us? Keith asked me to see if I could find out anything more about the theft." Wallace leans in. "I told the Crawfords I was a reporter for the Register, doing a series on crime victims and the hassle of collecting claims from insurance. They opened up like—"

"Like the legs of a Zeta Theta?" Dick proposes.

"I was going to say like the Lions backfield. Anyways, the Crawfords were out of town on their annual spring vacation to Bonaire. They have a security system, and apparently it wasn't tampered with. The insurance company was trying not to pay at first because they claimed it was an inside job and possibly fraud, and they refused to pay without a full investigation. Sheriff D'Amato assumed that the housekeeper's nephew got the code from her purse," Wallace explains.

"Who's the housekeeper's nephew?" Mac asks.

"Daniel Mulvaney, one of the Fitzpatrick flunkies. But he was one of the crew that got rounded up the night of Kendall's murder. Liam and most of the Fitzpatricks were taken into custody that night for receiving a shipment of stolen cars." Wallace reminds himself to tell Mac someday how he and Weevil accomplished that feat.

"So he has an alibi, too," Mac muses. "How does the sheriff account for that?"

"Mr. Crawford said the sheriff assumed that Mulvaney passed the security code along to another one of the Fitzpatrick associates who then committed the actual theft."

"What kind of security system was it?" Mac asks curiously.

Wallace pulls out his notes and pronounces, "Simon XT. Why?"

Mac opens her laptop and begins typing. "Some of the more expensive security systems transmit a log of every event to a remote server. We're talking the Crawfords here, right? As in our classmate who got a BMW convertible on his sixteenth birthday and took tennis lessons with Ilie Nastase? Not exactly the wrong side of the tracks. I'm betting the Simon XT is top of the line." Mac scowls at her screen. "Yep, 'internet-based control and monitoring'. And the system is completely wireless, controllable by a keypad or a key chain remote. Hmm...." Mac types furiously. "I can try to hack into the server, see if there's any useful information."

"Mac? Are sure you want to help with this?" Wallace asks quietly.

Mac looks uncomfortable. "What do you mean?"

Wallace continues hesitantly, "I mean...we can handle it. You're still.... Keith isn't even telling Veronica about this. He's afraid she'll get too upset and want to help Duncan."

"You're not telling her?" Mac repeats, aghast. "She's going to be furious when she finds out."

Dick chimes in, "It's not cool, dude, you know she'll be hella pissed."

"She said she doesn't want to do this anymore, right? And Keith said he would take the heat. We can handle it, Mac. If we need somebody to do some hacking, Keith has some other contacts he can call."

Mac seems to be considering Wallace's words. Suddenly, she says, "I want to help. This is what I'm good at...I missed this when I was at the FBI. All their stupid rules and regulations...I can't wait to break through some firewalls again. Besides, I think you guys are missing something important."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm wondering why that car. You said the Crawfords were out of town when it was stolen, right?"

Wallace nods.

Mac adds, "So it wasn't even reported as stolen for several days. What kind of car was it?"

"A Lincoln Navigator, top of the line. Premium sound system, the works."

Mac asks, "Including a state-of-the-art alarm, right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"So even if Mulvaney had the security code, he would have had to have stolen the keys for the car too, right?"

Wallace looks at his notes. "I think the Crawfords said that the only set of keys at the house were still there when they returned from vacation."

"How did D'Amato even figure out that this was the car?"

"Sacks told me there was a witness who identified the car...a Jeffrey Ratner."

"Ratner?" Mac asks incredulously. "No way."

"Who's Ratner?" Dick asks.

"He's the one who blew the whistle on Veronica for cheating in Landry's class freshman year, except of course she didn't cheat at all. And of course Veronica paid him back."

"Of course she did," Wallace agrees. "Do you think that's a connection?"

"There's certainly no love lost between them," Mac observes. "Didn't Ratner work at the Neptune Grand?"

Wallace muses, "Maybe that's where he witnessed Kendall in the SUV. I wish we could get a copy of the official police report."

"Why not just talk to Ratner, see what he knows?" Mac suggests.

Wallace nods. "Maybe he would talk to Keith."

Mac continues, "I still think we should look more into the car. How did it end up at the Fitzpatricks' chop shop?"

"I don't think anybody knows," Wallace states. "The Fitzpatricks aren't talking."

"How can we find out?" Mac asks.

Thoughtfully, Wallace says, "I think I have an idea—" Mac kicks him under the table, nodding toward Veronica and Logan approaching.

Veronica sees Mac and stops dead for a second before squaring her shoulders and continuing on to the table. "Hey, is there room for us?" Veronica asks tentatively. She meets eyes with Mac momentarily before steadfastly focusing on Wallace's face. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Nuthin' much," Wallace says, moving over to give her a little room. Logan puts down a tray loaded with both their lunches, and he and Veronica sit down.

Mac says cautiously, "How are you today, Veronica?"

Veronica glances at her quickly. "Pretty good. You know, still trying to catch up with the work that I missed. How about you?"

"Yeah, tell me about it. My professors are being really cool, though."

"That's good." Veronica suddenly notices that everyone is intently following her and Mac's conversation. Nervously, she looks around and asks, "What are you looking at? Do I have something on my face?" On my face. Fuck. Veronica's lower lip trembles as she suddenly pictures 'SLUT' written on her forehead. It takes every ounce of willpower to resist rubbing the back of her hand on her face, and she clenches her fingers into a tight fist.

Wallace clears his throat and asks, "You okay, Veronica?"

She closes her eyes and nods her head once. You've got to stop doing this. Don't let them get in your head!! She takes a deep breath and, opening her eyes, says shakily, "So how's the veggie lasagna today?"

The conversation remains strained, with Dick taking the lead and telling a story about the Pi Sigs' latest debauched scheme for increasing alcohol consumption. Veronica seems distant, barely contributing to the conversation. Wallace gets a text from Candice that makes him frown. He checks his watch and announces he has to leave for class on the other side of campus. Dick offers to dump Mac's tray for her, and Logan goes with him.

Alone with Veronica, Mac says quietly, "Are you okay, Veronica?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Veronica replies. "Hey...." She swallows and tries again. "Were you guys talking about me when we got here?"

"No. Wallace was asking my opinion on a case he's working on for your father." Mac watches Veronica's face fall and wonders all of a sudden if it's really wise to keep her out of the loop. "I'm glad you sat with us today. I miss you, Veronica. I miss hanging out late at night, laughing and joking with you. I'm not mad at you, I swear."

"I know you're not," Veronica answers. "But I'm mad at me."

A short distance away, Logan puts a restraining hand on Dick's arm. "Hold up. Let them be." They sit down at another table and surreptitiously watch the two girls.

Mac says, "Let's hang out, go to a movie or something. What do you think? Maybe we'll ditch the guys and see a chick flick. Come on, you know you want to see '17 Again'."

Veronica laughs weakly. "Zac Efron. Rawr."

"We can throw popcorn at the screen."

"Mac...I'm sorry...I never asked how you were doing," Veronica blurts out suddenly. "I'm so sorry, Mac, I've been such a terrible friend."

"Veronica, it's okay—"

"Logan told me that you were scared to go back to school and that's why Dick is always hanging out with you now."

"Yeah. It's helped to have him around."

"God, Mac, I'm so sorry for everything, I wish you'd...I wish you'd just yell at me or something," Veronica says miserably.

"I'm doing better lately. I'm going to be okay, Veronica. So are you. I hate to see you beating yourself up like this...you were so amazing on the boat...so brave and smart. You saved us."

Veronica puts her head on the table and starts sobbing. Mac gets up and sits down next to her, putting her arm over Veronica's shoulder and pulling her into a hug. "Shh, Veronica, it's okay."

Between sobs, Veronica chokes out, "You're sure you guys weren't talking about me when we got here? It seems like you guys always stop talking when I come in the room."

Mac winces. "No, of course not! I told you, we were talking about Wallace's case. You said you didn't want to do any investigating anymore, so we're trying not to rub it in your face."

"Oh. Okay," Veronica replies softly.

Mac thinks that she's never heard Veronica sound sad before. Pissed, vengeful, even irrational, but the only time Mac's heard her sound anything close to this was when Duncan fled with baby Lilly. Desolate, that's how she sounds. Gently, she says, "You miss it, don't you."

Veronica nods. "It's only been a couple weeks, and already I'm going crazy. But I can't be that girl anymore. Look what I did to you. I have to re— reinvent myself," she concludes, stumbling over the words.

"Please don't."

"What?!"

"Please...don't change, Veronica. I miss you. I don't want you to reinvent yourself."

"Please don't try to talk me out of it, Mac."

Mac pulls away from Veronica. Wretchedly, she says, "Veronica, I have to get to class. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay," she mumbles.

As Mac walks away, she casts a glance over her shoulder at Veronica, who tries to smile.

Logan sits down next to Veronica. Before he can say a word, she begs him, "Take me home," and he escorts her out of the food court and back to the apartment.

~ • ~

Wed. 4/15/09, afternoon, Candice's off-campus apartment, Neptune, California

Candice opens the door to her apartment, and Wallace realizes immediately that she's been crying. "Hey...hey, what's going on?" he says, folding her into his arms.

"The detective from the Glacier Police Department called this morning. He wanted to brief me on the status of the investigation into Shawn's murder," she replies shakily.

Wallace walks her over to the couch, and they sit down. After Carney had been captured, Wallace had made a phone call to Glacier and spoken to the detective in charge, explaining his theory that the Fitzpatricks and possibly Carney had been responsible for Shawn's death. The officer had been dubious that any progress could be made at this late date, but promised to look into it and report back. "What did he say?"

"That agent...the one your friend captured? Carney. He cooperated and told the detective what happened. Shawn was bringing the meth in across the Canadian border in one of the national parks up there. Someone named Ciaran Fitzpatrick...is that right?"

"Yeah, Ciaran, he was the CF in Shawn's Blackberry," Wallace reminds her.

Candice continues, "Ciaran tried to take over and cut Shawn out of the operation. Shawn cashed in his plane ticket to try to make a big score on his own and headed up to Glacier. Somehow Ciaran found out and asked Carney to...take care of Shawn." She stumbles over the words and begins to cry.

"Hey, hey...I'm here," Wallace says, trying to soothe her.

With a slight hiccup, she says, "Carney ordered a man...Brian something...to go up there and...kill him."

Brian, the other man on the boat who Veronica captured, Wallace thinks.

"Carney agreed to testify against Brian, so the detective thinks he'll definitely be convicted. But Carney—" Candice slumps against Wallace. "He made a deal."

"I know. He turned state's evidence in the other cases too. Carney will be in jail for a long time anyways, Candice."

"It just seems so unfair. I know...Shawn shouldn't have been mixed up with those people, but eventually Carney will be walking around free." Candice pulls away and stares into Wallace's eyes. "Wallace...thank you. It's awful, but...at least we know. I called my parents and told them what happened. My mom just thanked me for calling and hung up, but I know she'll rest easier now. We'll have to go up to Glacier for the trial. Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

When he leaves Candice, Wallace calls the detective himself. After thanking him for his assistance on the case, the detective tells Wallace that Carney explained that Shawn got greedy and wanted a larger cut. The Fitzpatricks decided they didn't need him and spoke to the supplier directly about expanding the operation. In search of an easy way to bring more Meth-X across the border, the Fitzpatricks hit upon the idea of bringing the drugs in by plane to Rio Linda, where they already had a large infrastructure in place for distributing drugs. They recruited two Rio Linda deputies who took turns accompanying the flights to avoid scrutiny at customs, and the new system worked extremely well until a plane carrying drugs crashed in late December of 2008. Carney immediately got himself assigned to the investigation and went to Rio Linda to try to do damage control.

Wallace thinks, Which is when he stumbled on Hannah Griffith. He immediately resolves to find Veronica and tell her everything, imagining her excitement at having more of the loose ends of the case explained. He pictures her triumphantly smiling face.

And then he remembers Veronica's fragile state, and he doesn't know what to do. Wallace decides to call Keith and tell him, allowing him to break the news to Veronica.

~ • ~

Wed. 4/15/09, late, Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, California

Late that night, Logan volunteers to take Backup out for a run. As soon as he's out of earshot, he calls Mac. "Hey, I got your text." The dog eagerly pulls him along the beach as he talks.

"Is Veronica okay? She was pretty upset at lunch."

"She blew off her afternoon class. She's okay now," Logan responds.

"Logan...she noticed that we stopped talking when she sat down at the table...and she was upset about it. She thinks we're always talking about her."

"I know, she told me." Logan stops walking, gripping the phone tightly. Backup whines, urging him to continue. "I don't know what to do."

"Maybe we shouldn't do anything, Logan."

"Dammit, I just can't imagine her being this way forever," he replies tensely. "She's trying so hard not to be herself."

"She said she was trying to reinvent herself." She pauses. "But she also said that she misses investigating...and she's going crazy already."

Logan exhales. "That's good, right? Maybe she'll change her mind. At least she talked to you today. That's progress."

"I guess. But she also started crying."

"I know. ...Mac, don't we think we should be encouraging her to do all the things she used to love? Tonight, after she finished her homework, she just stared at the TV. That's not Veronica."

Wretchedly, Mac replies, "Logan, I don't know how to help her." After a protracted silence, she finally says, "I guess I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah." He ends the call and walks along the beach. Am I being selfish? Maybe I should be listening to her, doing what she asks. Who am I to—no! dammit, I don't want her to give up on her life...on us. I know...in a week, or five years, or ten years...she'll be completely miserable. Fuck.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Compulsion
Veronica wonders about Keith's new case;
Veronica announces her plans; Weevil visits
Oswaldo; Keith works on Kendall's murder.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Eli: Francis Capra.
Ratner: David Magidoff. Oswaldo: Frankie
Rodriguez.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-SIX: "COMPULSION"

Thurs. 4/16/09, late afternoon, Mars Investigations & Mama Leone's, Neptune, California

Veronica and Logan walk into the outer office at Mars Investigations, waiting for her dad to finish up with an appointment before they head out to a restaurant for dinner. The new temp looks at Veronica curiously, obviously bursting with questions. The temp opens up her mouth to speak, but Logan gives her a stern glance, and she closes her mouth and looks down at some papers on the reception desk.

Keith opens the door to his inner office, saying, "Thanks for coming in. I'll be in touch." Jeff Ratner exits into the waiting area.

"Ratner," Veronica comments, with just a bit of the old sarcastic Veronica creeping into her tone. "Fancy meeting you here."

Surprisingly, Ratner blushes a deep red and stops dead before stammering, "Veronica, uh, Mr. Echolls."

Veronica can't help herself and snarks, "Yo, Pops, investigating late-night shenanigans at the Grand? You can bet Ratner had his ear to the keyhole." She wouldn't think it possible, but Ratner's flush deepens, and she realizes just how nasty she sounded. Way to go, Veronica. "Damn my big mouth. Jeff, I'm sorry. I hope everything's okay. If you need help, my dad's the guy to come to."

"No problem, Veronica. I'm uh, I was glad to hear you were okay." Ratner nods at Logan and leaves the office quickly before either Veronica or Logan can respond.

Veronica raises her eyebrows at her dad. "Jeff Ratner?"

"You said you didn't want to work here anymore, remember?" Keith says, surprised. "Client confidentiality."

"It's just...I know him from Hearst. He was always trying to take me down a peg in Landry's class."

Something in her voice makes Logan look at her sharply. Veronica is almost...wistful.

"I bet he never succeeded," her dad comments.

She purses her lips and shakes her head 'no'.

"Ratner's helping me on a case, Veronica, that's all I can say. So let's get going, shall we?" To the temp, he says, "Susan, it's almost five o'clock. Why don't you knock off for the day?"

At Mama Leone's, Veronica seems a little distracted. She pushes her food around on her plate as Keith and Logan inhale their entrees.

"How's the manicotti?" Keith asks. "Veronica?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, the manicotti. It's great," she muses. "Like always."

"Something on your mind?" Logan asks.

Keith kicks him under the table and tries to catch his eye. "Logan, did you see the message that Trina called?"

"Yeah, I did. As usual, it's all about her—why didn't I call her to tell her what was going on, family has to stick together, blah, blah, blah. At the very end, she remembered to ask if I was okay, and then asked if I was considering selling the movie rights." Logan shakes his head.

Veronica asks, "Did you tell her about your screenplay?"

"What screenplay?" Keith queries, puzzled.

"Logan's writing a screenplay about Briar Hill."

Keith says, "You know you can't—"

"I know," Logan rushes to say. "At least...not legally. But I'm finding it very therapeutic. I can use it as my final project for film school. And you never know...." He shrugs. "Maybe someday I could work out the rights...if Klein is convicted."

"When he's convicted," Veronica corrects.

Logan and Keith exchange a glance. Keith says gently, "You know that Epstein said there have been some problems with the criminal complaint."

"You mean the countersuit against us, right?" Veronica says. "And his threat....his promise to go after me personally at the trial if I testify."

"I don't want you testifying, Veronica. You've been through too much the last few months. We've accomplished enough: the state is scrutinizing everything that's going on at Briar Hill now. Surprise inspections and plenty of publicity...the school won't be able to get away with treating girls like they used to."

"He'll just get better at hiding it. You know it, Dad. He's too good at what he does. You can't let him get away with it," Veronica says, her voice trembling. "I want to testify."

Keith grabs Veronica's hand. "Shh, honey. We don't have to decide today—"

"I want to take him down," Veronica swears. "It's the last thing I want to do before—" She realizes they're staring at her, and she clamps her mouth shut.

"Before what?" Logan asks.

"Before I quit," she mumbles, avoiding his gaze. She inhales and looks up at him. "Before I change my life, okay? Before I turn into Veronica Mars, the most boring person on earth."

"I thought— You haven't..." Logan sees her infuriated expression and sighs. "I'm shutting up now."

"I'm not shutting up," Keith protests. "Veronica, you can't make these decisions yet; you're still traumatized. I'd rather see you forget about Klein and finish your criminology degree. You can still go to law school later."

She steels herself for his reaction before plunging in. "I've been thinking of transferring to UCLA. It'll give me an edge to get into law school there. Mainly...I think I need a fresh start somewhere new. I'll have to repeat junior year, but I'd have to do that when I change majors anyways." Veronica hears Logan sucking in his breath, and she consciously avoids looking at him.

Keith looks stricken. "You mean...leave Neptune?"

She nods. "I can be with Logan all the time. I'm ready to move in with him. It feels right."

"Did you know about this?" Keith says tersely, turning to Logan. "Did you suggest this?"

Logan shakes his head. "No."

"Stop acting like I'm not here," Veronica says angrily. "My life...my opinion should count for the most."

They stare at her, unable to say anything at all.

Finally, she says, "I know...I said I would wait to make a decision, but if I'm going to transfer, the deadlines are coming up." At their continued silence, she continues nervously, "Say something."

"I don't know what to say, Veronica," her dad admits. "I would really miss you. And—" He pauses. "I'm still not certain you're thinking...clearly...just yet."

"You've made that quite obvious," she says, slightly bitter. "I'm not a child anymore. Besides—"

"Geez, Veronica. We haven't even talked about this. Living together?" Logan interrupts. "Did you even think about asking me what I thought?"

"I thought you'd be in favor of it!" she cries.

"Yeah, in theory. But I also don't want to screw it up with you," he comments quietly. "We've both been through a lot lately. I'd rather go slow with you and me."

"We're together all the time, Logan...practically twenty-four hours a day! I think we're ready for the next step." She looks from him to her father and back. "I'll be in the ladies' room." She tosses her napkin onto the table and walks to the back of the restaurant, her eyes welling up with tears as she goes.

Logan drops his head into his hands. He mutters, "Well, she's certainly being stubborn. I'm trying to look at that as a hopeful sign."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"What are you working on anyways? What was Ratner doing at the office?"

Keith evasively says, "It's not important."

"What?" Logan repeats, more strongly. "Why'd you kick me?"

Keith sighs. He looks over Logan's shoulder to make sure Veronica is still in the ladies' room. "Duncan asked me to look into Kendall's murder again. With the indictment against Liam dismissed, apparently some reporter got wind of Duncan's affair with Kendall and wants to make a story out of it."

Logan stares at him. "You're kidding. Duncan?" He fusses with his hair, thinking. "I asked her in the hospital if she thought Liam was telling the truth about not killing Kendall, and Veronica said she didn't care."

"Wallace and I have been following up on a couple new leads. He's been making good progress trying to figure just who would know that the Crawfords go away the first two weeks every March. And he's also been checking on the problem of how someone got into Kendall's suite that night without her key card. Mac had a couple good ideas, too."

Logan leans toward Keith. "Listen, what if we drop some hints about this case? See if we can make Veronica curious about your investigation? I hate seeing her like this. Maybe if she has something to worry about, she'll be more like her old self." Slightly bitter, he adds, "You know...if she knew it was Duncan's ass on the line, she'd jump into action in a second."

Keith shakes his head. "You really think it'd be that easy? That she'll get sucked into an investigation and magically turn back into the old Veronica? She's smarter than that. She'll see that we're manipulating her."

"Hopefully she'll see that she does still want to do something more than be 'the most boring person in the world' and forgive us.'"

Keith comments, "That was pretty awful to hear her say that. Veronica's never been boring, even when she was a baby."

"She probably solved the case of 'who stole my binky' before she was two years old."

Keith ponders. "It was actually a 'Squealer the Pig' beanie baby, and she was four at the time.'" He spies Veronica emerging from the ladies' room and says quietly, "Here she comes. I say don't push her. Let's just try to have a nice dinner, okay?"

~ • ~

Thurs. 4/16/09, very late, Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, California

Veronica wakes up and checks the clock. 3:08am. She listens to Logan's steady breathing for a few minutes. Veronica crawls cautiously out of the bed and makes her way to the bathroom; she flips on the light switch. She looks over her shoulder and pulls the door almost closed and soundlessly walks to the living room instead.

Her dad's laptop is on the kitchen counter, plugged in to charge overnight. She flips the lid up and scans the folders on the desktop. One folder is marked 'ACTIVE CASES'. She clicks on the folder, and a password text box appears on the screen. Dammit. She tries a couple combinations halfheartedly without success before giving up. She closes the laptop and goes back to bed, where she lies awake, staring up at the ceiling.

Finally, she gets up again. Logan is still sleeping soundly; she keeps an eye on him and opens the second drawer of her desk. From the back of the drawer, she extracts a tiny device and a small electronic item about the size of a pack of cards. She carefully replaces the batteries of both items, continuously watching to make that Logan is unaware, and secretes them in her book bag. Veronica climbs back into bed and eventually falls asleep.

~ • ~

Fri. 4/17/09: California Institution for Men, Chino, CA

Oswaldo Cortez shuffles to the non-contact booth at the visitors' area in Chino with a belligerent expression on his face. He sits and stares through the glass at Weevil.

Weevil holds the phone up and mouths, "Pick the phone up, motherfucker."

Glaring, Oswaldo takes the phone. "What the fuck do you want?"

"How's it going? The first few weeks are a bitch, huh?"

"Did you come all the way up here just to fuck with me? 'Cause I don't need your bullshit. Thanks for setting me up, pendejo."

Weevil shrugs. "You got what was coming to you. You're lucky I didn't put you down." He looks at Oswaldo quizzically. "I see a couple nice bruises on your face. And you're walking like you hurt. Emilio keeping you in line?"

"Yeah," Oswaldo replies curtly.

"You know I could put a word in for you. I'm pretty tight with Emilio."

"What the fuck do you want, Weevil?"

"Or I could remind Emilio how you sold out the PCHers to the fucking micks."

Oswaldo stares furiously at Weevil.

Weevil says quietly. "I got a little proposal for you. I need you to ask your old buddies the Fitzpatricks...find out how that Lincoln Navigator—you know, the one that got Ciaran and Padraig popped for fencing stolen goods—find out how the Fitzpatricks got that car. All the details."

"Fuck you."

"Okay, if that's what you want. I guess you like getting beat down every day." Weevil hangs up the phone and turns to call the guard, and Oswaldo raps the glass with his phone. Weevil picks up the phone again. "I'm listening."

"That's all you want?"

"Yeah, everything you can find out about the SUV. Where they got it from, or who they got it from. Call me collect when you got the 411."

Oswaldo nods.

~ • ~

Fri. 4/17/09: lunchtime, Mars Investigations, Neptune, CA

Keith reviews all the information they have gathered so far about the investigation into Kendall's murder.

• Fall 2007: After Kendall Casablancas narrowly escapes from Liam Fitzpatrick, she convinces Dr. Griffith to perform plastic surgery, and she disappears
• Fall 2008: Liam hears that a blonde woman was trying to get into the joint bank account in the Caymans; he surmises that it's actually Kendall; begins actively searching for her and putting pressure on Dr. Griffith
• Nov. 3, 2008: Liam and the other Fitzpatricks in prison, held without bail, awaiting trial on racketeering and conspiracy charges
• Jan. 10, 2009: Carney finds Hannah and uses her to threaten Dr. Griffith
• Approx. Jan. 15: Dr. Griffith delivers a photo of Kendall's new face to Father Patrick
• Feb. 2: Kendall arrived in Neptune the same day as Duncan; later Kendall claimed she heard Liam was in prison and felt it was safe to come back to Neptune
• Feb. 8-28: Kendall has affair with Duncan, videotaping him without his knowledge
• Feb. 9: Racketeering and conspiracy charges against the Fitzpatricks are dropped; Liam released, but Kendall doesn't leave Neptune despite the increased threat that she'll be recognized and killed
• Feb. 27: Kendall breaks into Mars Investigation
• Feb. 28: Confrontation with Kendall at the Neptune Grand
  • Kendall admits to break-in, seeking proceeds from Phoenix Land Trust she presumed was in Keith's possession
  • Kendall admits to her conspiracy with Liam, siphoning funds from Richard Casablancas Sr.'s REIT
  • Kendall discloses that she and Liam had a joint bank account
  • Kendall claims she was running a con on Duncan and would blackmail him if necessary for additional funds
• Mar. 1-15: Crawfords leave for annual vacation in Bonaire
  • Crawfords' housekeeper, Bridget Mulvaney, tied to Fitzpatricks through her nephew, Daniel
• Mar. 7: Duncan witnesses Kendall talking to Griffith in playground
• Mar. 9: Gardener sees the Crawfords' SUV in the garage
• Mar. 10 or 11: Crawfords' SUV is stolen: the alarm is bypassed, and the car is taken without incident, despite the keys still remaining at the house
• Mar. 11: Wallace and Eli call in a tip, and the Fitzpatricks are busted for receiving stolen goods
• Mar. 11, between 10pm-1am: Kendall murdered in Waterside Park
  • Approx. 9:00pm: Ratner picks up Kendall, in disguise, at the Neptune Grand employees' entrance
  • 9:30pm: Ratner witnesses Kendall getting into a black Lincoln Navigator at 729 Main St., downtown Neptune
  • Kendall appears to know the driver
  • Traffic cameras confirm Navigator drove route heading to Waterside Park
  • Kendall doesn't return for her 10:00pm appointment with Ratner; he waits until 10:30pm and leaves
  • Liam, Padraig, and Ciaran Fitzpatrick and Daniel Mulvaney in police custody at the time
  • Carney working on FBI business in San Francisco at the time of Liam's arrest; unable to respond to Liam until the next day; solid alibi for Kendall's murder
  • Griffith's whereabouts at the time of the murder unknown; wife claimed they were home all night, alibi unverified
• Mar. 12, 1:13am-2:07am, from Neptune Grand computer log: Kendall's suite at the Neptune Grand is thoroughly searched; Kendall's laptop is missing
• Mar. 12, 7:45am: Kendall's body discovered in Waterside Park, shot through the head with a .45 caliber handgun; cash, credit cards, and keycard for the Neptune Grand are missing but identification is intact; Kendall's cell phone, assumed to be a prepaid disposable phone, also missing
• Mar. 14: Oswaldo Cortez tells Sheriff D'Amato about Kendall's previous affair with Logan Echolls and that Logan and Veronica were at the Neptune Grand on Feb. 28
• Mar. 15: Crawfords return from vacation and report the car theft
• Mar. 17: Kevin Bray offers false testimony, telling Sheriff D'Amato that he saw Logan with Kendall in Waterside Park on Mar. 11
• Mar. 18: Jeff Ratner tells Sheriff D'Amato that Kendall bribed him with sex to get him to drive her to a meeting with an unknown person
• Mar. 20: Stereo from Lincoln Navigator turns up in San Diego pawnshop
  • Pawnshop obtained stereo from Paddy's Used Car Emporium (Fitzpatrick chop shop)
• Mar. 21: Seats from Lincoln Navigator located in Paddy's lot
  • Hair matching Kendall found on seats
  • No other forensic evidence recovered, either at the crime scene or on the remnants of the chopped SUV
• Mar. 21: Sheriff D'Amato interviews Padraig Fitzpatrick
  • Padraig unaware that Kendall had a connection to the SUV
  • Padraig surprised that Liam went to the Caymans in September after Kendall showed up down there
  • Padraig unaware that Dr. Griffith had performed plastic surgery on Kendall
• Murder weapon not recovered

Deputy Sacks had really come through and provided Keith with most of the details of Leo's investigation; Cliff had added a few more details gleaned from the courtroom gossip about the inquest. Keith ponders the break-in into Kendall's suite so soon after she was murdered and wonders about the timing: did someone really murder her, dispose of the vehicle, and get back to the Neptune Grand within a few hours? Cutting it awfully close, but possible, he decides. He scribbles a note to himself: 'check hotel surveillance logs, midnight to four am.'

Despite the apparent truce between himself and D'Amato, Keith is reluctant to talk with Leo about the case. When asked his opinion about approaching the sheriff to trade information, Sacks had said, "I don't know if that's such a good idea, Keith. The sheriff is still kind of touchy, especially about an open case." However, the deputy had been willing to discreetly share Leo's impressions with his former boss.

Sacks had said that D'Amato was certain that Padraig wasn't lying: the seasoned criminal had been completely surprised to find out that Kendall was in town—or even alive, for that matter. So how did the vehicle that she was last seen in end up in Padraig's chop shop? Especially when Padraig and most of his employees were sitting in a cell at the Neptune Sheriff's Department while Kendall was being murdered?

Keith thinks, I feel like I'm missing something...something I should know. Why did Kendall stay in Neptune when she must have known how dangerous it was with Liam on the loose? Did someone else hate Kendall enough to kill her? He hears a noise from the outer office and walks out to see Veronica doing something with her back to him. "Veronica?"

Veronica jumps and whirls around. Slightly breathless, she says, "Oh hey, Dad, you startled me. I didn't think you were here. Your car's not out front, and the door was locked."

"I'm getting the air conditioning fixed. It hasn't been working right lately. And I gave Susan the day off and didn't want someone just wandering in. I've got a difficult case that I need to concentrate on. Do you need something?"

What difficult case? Veronica thinks. "I need to borrow your copy of the California Penal Code for my Criminology paper. I'll bring it back on Monday."

Keith shrugs. "Sure. It's in my office." He walks into his office and goes to his bookshelf, searching for the correct text. Veronica follows him into the office and surreptitiously attaches a bug underneath the client's chair when Keith's back is turned. "Here you go. Keep it as long as you need." He hands the book to her, and she smiles gratefully.

"Thanks, Dad."

"You guys heading up to Los Angeles for the weekend now?" Keith asks.

"Yeah, Logan's double-parked out front, waiting for me. We'll see you on Monday." She turns to go.

"Uh, Veronica?"

Veronica turns back around. "Yeah, Dad?"

Keith asks hesitantly, "How's it going with Dr. Friedman? Are you feeling...I don't know, better?"

"Maybe. A little more in control," she admits.

"You know you can always talk to me. Wait, let me change that. Veronica, please talk to me," he amends carefully. "I want to know what's going on with you. No surprises. Even if you think I won't be happy about it."

"I know, Dad."

"On Monday, can we talk about you moving to Los Angeles?" he presses. "I promise not to get upset."

"Okay. I better go, Dad. We're probably going to hit traffic," she replies.

He steps toward her and hugs her, kissing on the top of her head. "I'm proud of you and I love you, Veronica. Don't ever forget that."

"I love you too, Dad."



•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Adrenaline and Nausea
Veronica works with Dr. Friedman; Logan
and Veronica discuss the future; Weevil
hears from Oswaldo; Veronica is tempted
again and struggles with her resolutions.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Mac: Tina Majorino. Eli: Francis Capra.
Dr. Friedman: Lorraine Bracco. Oswaldo:
Frankie Rodriguez. Tim: Trevor Donovan.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-SEVEN: "ADRENALINE AND NAUSEA"

Fri. 4/17/09: late afternoon, Dr. Friedman's Office, Los Angeles, CA

Veronica is staring out the window in Dr. Friedman's office. The therapist frowns. "Did something happen, Veronica?"

"What?"

"Where'd you go just now? You were lost in thought."

Veronica smiles wanly. "I don't know."

"Tell me about your week."

"I thought we were going to talk about the first time they took me down at Briar Hill today...the first time Logan had to hurt me."

"I think something happened this week, and you don't want to talk about it."

Veronica shakes her head ruefully. "Logan said you were sneaky."

"Is it sneaky to be concerned about what's going on in your life?"

"He also said you're genetically predisposed to answering a question with a question." Veronica sighs.

"And I think you might be genetically predisposed to concealing your true feelings."

"Ooh, that was a zinger, doctor."

"Out with it, Veronica. I can't help you if—"

"I'm going crazy, okay? I don't know what to do with myself. I tried to make up with Mac this week, but it's still so screwed up."

"What's screwed up, Veronica?"

"Mac says she's not mad at me, but how can that be? She tried to send me a message, and I was too oblivious to notice...and instead I almost got us all killed by insisting on running up to Rio Linda to investigate. Hell, even before that...what I did with Gory, putting her in jeopardy. Putting all of us in danger," she repeats in a quiet voice, avoiding looking at the doctor.

Dr. Friedman frowns. "You mean blackmailing Gory? Didn't you do that to protect Logan?"

"Not at first...I mean, when I found out about the video, I couldn't just let it go. I was too humiliated, and I had to find out who made it and punish them, no matter the consequences." She stresses bitterly, "I couldn't just let it go. It cost my dad his job...and eventually Norman Phipps his life."

"How were you supposed to react to a sex tape of yourself being put on the internet without your knowledge?"

Veronica shifts her gaze to the doctor, completely flummoxed. "What?"

"How would a normal person react? You're telling me you had an abnormal reaction."

"I guess...maybe they would go to the cops. I don't know."

"Even if the cop was their dad?"

"I guess it'd be hard for anyone to do that," Veronica admits.

Dr. Friedman leans forward in her chair. "Veronica, you never told your dad about your rape. Why is that?"

"Oh god...."

"Would you have told your mother if she was still around?"

Veronica blurts, "Do we have to talk about this?"

Dr. Friedman just looks at her kindly.

After a few seconds, Veronica admits, "I probably wouldn't have told my mother. I was always closer to my dad."

"So in the morning, when you woke up and realized you'd been raped, you went to the sheriff and told him what happened."

"That's what you're supposed to do, right?" Veronica retorts bitterly. "The police are supposed to help you." She picks at the fabric on the arm of her chair. "And he didn't believe me. So I left."

"You went home?"

"I sat in the car and looked at the writing on my windshield. S-SLUT," she stutters. "I didn't even have a friend I could call for help. My best friend was dead, Duncan was ignoring me, and Logan was...attacking me, and no one was speaking to me at school any more. I drove home and parked on the street outside our apartment complex, and I waited until I saw Dad leave."

"Why?"

"I didn't want him to see the car."

"With the writing on it."

"'Abel—it should've been her.' It would have killed him," Veronica explains. "After Dad left, I pulled into the lot. I found a tarp in the trunk and threw it over the windshield and the writing. I went in and took a shower, knowing that I was— I was— I was washing away the evidence that would convict my rapist."

"Why didn't you go to the hospital, Veronica?"

"It would have been the same!" Veronica wails. "They wouldn't have believed me either."

"Surely you were hung over and hurting too. Were you bleeding?"

Veronica avoids looking at the doctor and stays silent.

"Go on, Veronica. What happened after you took a shower?"

Veronica swallows. "I got a bucket and a brush and all the cleaning supplies I could find. It took me most of the afternoon to get the writing off my car."

"So your dad wouldn't know what happened."

"He would have been so disappointed," Veronica whispers. "He told me to be careful at parties...never to take a drink from someone I didn't know. He would have been upset that I even went to a party where everyone was drunk or high."

"That's not all though."

"Yes, it is," Veronica protests.

"Wouldn't your dad have tried to find out who raped you and punished them? I've only met your dad once, and I think I can safely say that he wouldn't have rested until he found the boy who did that to you. No matter what the consequences would be of an investigation like that." Dr. Friedman looks at Veronica sympathetically. "You would have been the center of a controversy, all the rich kids aligned against you and your dad, with your dad raising a ruckus and all the kids from the party swearing that you were asking for it."

"He would have killed the boy," Veronica whispers.

"And you thought—?"

"I couldn't let him do that. I couldn't— I couldn't take the chance I'd lose him too."

Dr. Friedman assesses Veronica for a moment. "Let's take a little break." She stands up and gets two glasses of water, handing one of them to Veronica. "I'm sorry this is so hard."

Veronica nods, her eyes welling up. She drinks some of the water and avoids looking at the doctor.

"You know, I'm constantly impressed with how strong you are, Veronica."

Veronica looks up at the doctor, surprised. "What?"

"I think you're a very strong woman. I see why everyone cares about you so deeply." Veronica squirms uncomfortably as the doctor retakes her seat. "Did something happen this week, Veronica?"

Veronica sighs and just says it. "I told my dad and Logan that I wanted to move up here to Los Angeles. Since I'm going to be quitting the business, I think it would be better to have a fresh start, and I think I'm ready to take the next step with Logan and move in together."

"And how did they react?"

"I don't understand! Logan was upset that I hadn't talked to him about moving in together. He's the one who's always pushing the relationship forward, and for once I took the lead and he was all...." Veronica adopts a heavily sarcastic tone. "'Did you even think about asking me what I thought? I'd rather go slow with you and me.'"

"That's what he said?"

Veronica nods.

Dr. Friedman asks, "Can you tell me in your own words what you think he meant? Not what you heard. What you think Logan meant. Think for a minute before you tell me."

Veronica sucks in a breath and thinks. Logan had said, 'Did you even think about asking me what I thought?'

She recalls being completely caught off guard. 'I thought you'd be in favor of it!'

His face...so serious and concerned. 'Yeah, in theory. But I also don't want to screw it up with you. We've both been through a lot lately. I'd rather go slow with you and me.'

Go slow. Why would he want to slow down?

Hesitantly, Veronica says, "I think he meant he wants to be with me for the long haul, and he should get to have a say in how we go about it. He's worried about making a mistake. ...But Dr. Friedman, he's always wanted me to say that I loved him and needed him, and now I'm saying it all the time...why isn't he happy? I'm doing exactly what he always wanted."

"Are you considering moving in with him to make him happy or to make you happy? Are you worried that you'll lose him if you don't move in with him?"

Veronica exhales sharply. "I need him, okay?"

"What would make you happy, Veronica?"

Wretchedly, Veronica replies, "Nothing, okay? Nothing can really make me happy any more, all right? I'm just barely holding on."

"Did the changes you've made so far make you any happier? Are you looking forward to changing your major and pursuing a new course of study?" When Veronica doesn't respond, the doctor continues, "How about for next time...we do a couple exercises. I want you to write down a description of the last time you felt completely happy, and then I want you to write about your perfect day, what that would be like. You don't even have to show them to me, but I think you might be surprised what you come up with."

~ • ~

Sun. 4/19/09: late afternoon, Logan's house, Venice Beach, CA

After relaxing for most of the weekend, Veronica is sitting on the couch in Logan's beach house, scribbling on a yellow legal pad, completely engrossed in her task. Logan comes up behind her and hugs her. He notes that the paper is headed 'MY PERFECT DAY'. "Whatcha workin' on, sugarpuss?" he asks.

She pulls the pad to her chest, hiding what she has written. "Nothing."

"O-kay. I'm going to go out and get us some dinner, all right? Any requests?"

"Anything but 'Woo Too'. I'm sick of Chinese," she comments.

When Logan returns, Veronica is seated in front of the fireplace, burning a multitude of wadded-up pieces of yellow paper. Logan refrains from commenting. She catches his eye and blushes. She stands up, brushing off her hand on her pants leg, and joins him in the kitchen. "Mmm, sushi." She washes her hands and peeks into the bags on the counter.

"All hand rolls, so that a certain independent woman I know can easily eat them left-handed."

She leans against him and says, "I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry about the moving in together thing," she elaborates.

"Oh. That." Logan dissolves some wasabi in a dish of soy sauce and selects a California roll, dunking it thoroughly.

"What do you think about it?" she presses. "You haven't said a word about it since the restaurant the other night."

"I think...yeah, I want to be with you all the time."

"But?"

He pops the sushi in his mouth and chews it as a delaying tactic. Finally, he looks her in the eye and says, "I'm worried about you. And I'm worried about us. We can't be happy if you're not happy."

"I'm trying to be happy," she protests quietly. "I'm just not doing a very good job of it."

"It's not supposed to be so hard to be happy. What do you want?"

"That's the thing—I don't know."

"Was that—" He motions toward the fireplace.

She nods. "One of Friedman's exercises."

"Ah," Logan replies understandingly. "She loves those little homework projects. 'Therapy is not a car wash...you have to do the work.'"

"She said that to me too," Veronica says, remembering.

Logan leans against the counter and pulls her into him. "Look, Veronica, if there was ever anybody smart enough to figure this stuff out, it's you. You just gotta cut yourself some slack once in a while." He hugs her for a moment. "Did you mean it, Veronica? Do you really want to take the next step?"

Hesitantly, she mumbles, "I think so."

"Yeah, I do too. Let's see what happens the next few weeks, and together we'll figure out how to do it, okay?"

"What about...?" Veronica's voice dies away.

Logan sighs. "I didn't want to say anything yet, but I've been thinking. What about halfway? What if we got a place together halfway between Neptune and Los Angeles? Somewhere on the Amtrak line so we can both take a train to school. Maybe some nights you can still stay with your dad, so he doesn't miss you so much. And maybe you'll want to be on campus in the evenings sometimes, so it would make sense to stay in Neptune."

"Where would such a mythical place be located?" Veronica asks happily.

"San Clemente. Home to some particularly gnarly surf spots, by the way. It's a way to be together most of the time, but it will make your dad happy too. He could even visit once in a while. And you wouldn't have to transfer. It's about an hour and a half by train for both of us."

"Surfing, huh?"

"Yeah, I think by the summer I'll be ready to try surfing again." Logan flexes his knee. "Hardly ever hurts anymore." He kisses the top of her head. "It's just for a year. We can commute for a year, don't you think?"

Veronica sighs, putting her arm around him. "I've been so focused on the problems that I haven't even been able to conceive of a solution."

"I'm not just arm-candy, you know. Humph. I have a brain, if you'd ever let me use it."

She smacks his rear end. In a Southern accent, she says, "What'd I tell ya about wearin' too many clothes, honeybun?" She glances around the lavishly appointed beach house. "Seriously, you'd give up this gorgeous place?"

"There are some bad memories here, Veronica. The night I put my hand through the shower door and the car crash...the paparazzi stalking me after Hannah's murder. You're not the only one thinking about a fresh start lately."

Suddenly Veronica realizes that an enormous pressure has been lifted. Without the looming transfer deadline, she has time...time to figure out what to do next. "Thank you...for finding a solution, Logan," she whispers.

"I was highly motivated," he replies lightly. But he feels the intensity with which she squeezes his hand, and he knows how important this was to her...and to him.

Several hours later, they are lying together on the bed with Logan idling tracing a pattern on her shoulder. Veronica closes her eyes tightly, trying to convince herself that this is all she needs for her 'perfect day' assignment.

But she keeps thinking about the digital voice recorder currently recording everything transmitted by the bug in her dad's office...wondering about just what her dad is investigating that involves Jeff Ratner and what secrets are being kept from her by Wallace and Mac.

~ • ~

Mon. 4/20/09: morning, Hearst College, Neptune, CA

Weevil triggers the send button on his cell phone. "Yo."

An operator's voice says, "I have a collect call from Inmate #3479892 at the Chino Correctional Facility, Oswaldo Cortez. Will you accept the charges?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Oswaldo comes on the line. "Weevil?"

"Yeah. What you got for me?"

"I got what you wanted. But not over the phone. You got to come up here. And...I'm going to need something from you."

Weevil snorts. "You got a lot of cojones, Ozzie."

"Carton of smokes, or forget it, ese."

"All right. But I can't come today or tomorrow. I'll be there for visiting hours on Wednesday."

~ • ~

Mon. 4/20/09: afternoon, Hearst College, Neptune, CA

In the hallway of the Social Sciences building, Mac sees Veronica walking just ahead, and she hurries to catch up. "Hey, Veronica."

"Hi, Mac." Veronica's smile is still a little uncertain, but genuine.

"How was your weekend?"

"Actually...really good. We didn't do much."

"Something's different," Mac guesses.

"Well, I think Logan's come up with a solution to something that's been bothering me. I want to think about it a little before we tell anybody."

"Okay."

Veronica thinks, It almost feels like we're normal friends. "What'd you do this weekend?"

"A little hacking. Kind of felt good to get back into it." Mac interlaces her fingers and pushes her hands out backward to crack her knuckles, smiling slyly. "You know what a rebel I am."

"For my dad?" Veronica asks, suddenly nervous.

Mac admits, "Yeah. Are you okay with that? I mean—"

"It's none of my business," Veronica replies quietly. "You can work for him. Just...be careful, okay?"

Mac is about to respond when a boy unknown to either of them comes up and asks, "Hey, are you Veronica Mars?"

"Who's asking?" Veronica retorts sharply, expecting some comment about the recent events in Monterey.

"I'm Tim. I hear you do favors for friends. I can pay. Something about a friends' rate?" Tim looks at her pleadingly.

The words echo in her brain, jumbled with memories of old ultra-confident, snarky Veronica. 'I do favors for friends....It was my friends of friends' rate which I have now extended to friends of friends of friends.' She suddenly is incredibly tempted to find out just what Tim's problem is, but then she glances at Mac by her side and pictures her crying and shaking on the boat. Veronica shakes herself and says firmly, "Sorry, I don't do that anymore."

"But what am I going to do?" Tim whines pitifully.

"I don't know. Come on, Mac." Veronica tugs at Mac's sleeve and takes off down the corridor.

~ • ~

Tues. 4/21/09: late afternoon, Mars Investigations, Neptune, CA

Veronica casually suggests to Logan that she needs to drop off that book she borrowed from her dad, and he swings by Mars Investigations and waits for her in the car while she runs inside. She checks her watch: 5:15pm. She knows that her dad has a dinner meeting with the representative from one of the insurance companies which contracts out personal injuries investigations to the agency, and the temp usually leaves by five o'clock.

She lets herself into the darkened office. "Hello?" she calls, remembering that her dad surprised her the last time. You were really off your game, letting your dad get the jump on you that day. Stupid, stupid Veronica. But the office is deserted. She checks the bug first; it's right where she placed it underneath the client's chair. She takes the opportunity to replace its button battery, cursing her clumsiness because of the sling, and puts the device back under the chair. In the reception area, she swaps out the compact digital voice recorder she hid behind the credenza for a new one that will give her another sixty hours of recording time.

Veronica quickly looks around the office...just like I was trained. She casts a longing eye at the file cabinets, tempted to dig into the files. But with no clue as to who the client is, it could be hours of fruitless searching...and she's betting her dad's keeping this particular client under wraps in the office safe anyways. Still, she uses her keys to open the R-S-T drawer and checks to see if Ratner himself is the client...nope. She slams the drawer shut and performs a final check; nothing's out of place, and she shuts off the lights and locks up.

Back in the car, Logan looks at her strangely before leaning over to kiss her fervently. "Whoa," she breathes when he finally pulls away. "What was that for?"

"I don't know," he muses. "You just looked really sexy all of a sudden."

Veronica wonders if he can somehow hear her heart pounding in her chest. "Hmm," she answers noncommittally. She thinks about the recorder in her purse and wonders how she's going to be able to listen to it with Logan around. He wouldn't understand what I'm doing, she thinks. Hell, I don't even understand what I'm doing.

"Your dad has that dinner tonight, right?" When she nods, Logan whispers, "I have a sudden urge to ravage you." He puts the car in gear and takes off with the tires squealing. As he drives, he rests his hand on her knee, stroking sensuously, and Veronica realizes to her confusion that she's incredibly turned on. Logan keeps glancing over at her, with that expression that means he's picturing her naked.

At the first stoplight, he leans over and kisses her again before dipping down to kiss her neck the way she likes. "How's that shoulder feeling, Veronica?" he murmurs into her ear before sucking lightly on her earlobe. He takes her hand and puts it on the crotch of his jeans. "Because I kind of don't want to be gentle tonight if you're up to it."

She exhales at the feel of his hard cock straining against the fabric. "I think...we could try to be a little more...adventurous," she pants. "The light's changed, Logan."

Logan leans back and hits the gas. While he drives, he begins to caress further up Veronica's leg until his fingers are brushing up against her center through her pants. "Feels good, Veronica? We're almost there." He sees a light turning yellow up ahead, and he guns it to sneak through just before the red.

"Nicely done," she laughs, and he grins at her. Shyly, she puts her hand back on his cock, stroking gently, and he groans loudly.

"Veronica, those jeans are coming off the moment we get in the door," Logan swears. He takes the turn into the Sunset Cliffs complex a little too fast, and Veronica laughs again. For just a second he wonders what's going on with her, but it's lost in his primitive excitement. He stops the car, throwing it into 'Park' almost before it ceases moving. He walks quickly around the car and grabs her backpack and his laptop and circles her waist with his arm. Logan slides his hand into her back pocket, feeling that luscious ass through the material, and propels her along to the apartment's front door.

She fumbles a little with the key, and he takes it from her and slots it into the lock. He opens the door, throws the keys on the counter, and puts the two bags down on the floor. Before she can say a word, he has his left arm around her back to protect her shoulder, and she is pressed up against the front door with his knee between her legs. He slides her purse off her shoulder, tossing it aside, and bends down to capture her mouth while his hand works at the button on her jeans. He gets the button undone and quickly pulls down her zipper, thrusting his hand inside her panties.

They both moan loudly when his fingers make contact with her wet slit. "Jesus, Veronica," he growls in her ear. "Fuck, I hate jeans," he complains, trying to move his hand roughly against her but feeling constrained by the fabric.

"Take me to the bedroom," she whispers.

"Put your legs around me," he says urgently, hoisting her up. She holds on for dear life with her uninjured arm and clamps her legs around his waist, and he walks them into her bedroom with his tongue battling hers in her mouth. He stumbles a little as they pass through the doorway, but he catches them before she is knocked into the wall. They just barely make it to the bed before Logan loses his grip on her; she slides down onto the bed, and he wastes no time grabbing the waist of her jeans, pulling them and her panties down her legs in one fluid motion. "Damn it, shoes," he mutters, struggling to get her shoes off while her clothes are bunched around her ankles. He looks up and loses his breath, seeing her already pulling off the sling and undoing her shirt and bra. He stops what he's doing for a moment to push the fabric aside and plant his lips on her breast, sucking hard on her nipple while his fingers seek out her center again. He can feel her pushing at her pants, trying to free her legs, and he reaches down to help her. Finally, one leg is free and her legs open for him.

"Oh Veronica," he breathes, dipping his mouth down between her legs. He laps at her nub. She's kicking, trying to free her other leg; he looks up and growls, "Stop moving!" He pushes her backward down onto the bed and slips his arms under her thighs and around her pelvis, holding her firmly in place as he begins to tongue-fuck her.

She feels the electric charge of his tongue's assault on her and loses her breath, giving herself over to the unbearable and exquisite tension of the stimulation. His tongue probes deeply; she hears the wet sounds of him gorging himself unashamedly on her most intimate flesh. He suddenly stops, and she raises her head to look down. His pupils almost completely dilated, he fixes her with an intense gaze as his thumbs deliberately pull back her hood to expose her clit. He stares at her as he sucks her nub hard into his lips, and then flicks his tongue unrelentingly against her. Veronica thinks, He can't keep this up, but he does...she feels the heat from his breath...his saliva mixing with her arousal, coating his face and her loins, oozing between her legs but she doesn't care...she can't think, it's all instinct and hormones and smells and vibrations and helpless writhing beneath his tongue. Her hand twines in his hair, grasping at him, urging him deeper, as she arches and trembles in thrall to his insistent onslaught.

Logan heaves himself up from her; he stumbles to the nightstand, trying to kick off his shoes and pull down his jeans as he goes. She's frantically shedding the rest of her clothes as well. Veronica protests, "No, Logan, we don't need to...it's been five weeks now, it's safe. I don't want you to—"

"Dammit, don't tempt me!" he growls. "I'm not fucking this up, Veronica." Logan stares at her, almost angry, and she nods her acquiescence, slightly frightened by his vehemence. He shucks his t-shirt and moves back to the end of the bed, his hand assuredly smoothing the condom on his stiff cock. He leans down and licks her one more time before lying down between her legs. He covers her with his body and sucks on her neck as his penis thrusts implacably, trying to find her entrance. She lifts her legs and angles her pelvis for him and, with a deep moan, he slides in. "Never get tired of how you taste, Veronica," he pants before locking his lips on her and thrusting his tongue in her mouth as his cock slips in and out. He angles his head, almost sucking the life out of her with his kiss, bruising her mouth and abrading her delicate skin with the slight scruff of his beard.

Logan slips his arms beneath her shoulders with only a hint of caution for her healing shoulder...but she's not afraid of the pain, she trusts him, for a moment she doesn't care, doesn't worry, doesn't think. And then without warning, he rolls her on top. "Yes?" he asks...no, he demands. She nods, exhaling, and he helps her to sit up, her knees coming underneath to brace herself as his hands steady her hips. Tentatively she tries to lift herself, supporting her weight with her strong left arm, and then he thrusts up aggressively as she maneuvers downward. "Yeah, Veronica, that's it," he encourages. She moves more confidently, raising herself with her thighs, and he puts his thumb on her clit, staring into her eyes. "Yeah, Veronica, fuck me. Fuck me," as he pumps upward into her. "Feels good, baby, don't stop," he pants, pushing forcefully on her nub. She leans down to trap his mouth with hers and tries hard...so hard...to speed up, to slide, to slam against him, anything to keep this going, please keep this going.

Suddenly he gasps, "I'm going to come...come for me, Veronica," grabbing her ass and pulling her down hard onto his cock. She feels him thrusting, his cock pumping and shuddering inside, and she lets it happen, relaxing into the blackness of surrender, with every sensation concentrated in the feel of his thumb pressing violently against her. She collapses, spent, onto his chest, and he rolls her onto her uninjured side.

They lie there panting and breathless, with Logan's arms wrapped around her. "Yeah, Veronica," he mumbles, brushing his lips on her hair. He strokes her arms, gently caressing her healing shoulder. "You're going to be okay...you're going to be okay."

Later that night, she retrieves the digital voice recorder from her purse and plugs it into her computer. She drums her fingers lightly on the desk, waiting for the files to copy, and then adds track marks and adjusts the sound levels. She loads the sound files onto her iPod, determined to try to listen to her surveillance during her physical therapy the next day.

She steals a glance at Logan, slumbering easily in the bed. She still feels aroused, weak-kneed even, at the memory of his intense, almost animalistic, physicality and their erotic abandon together. Every time she thinks that she knows everything about him, he manages to surprise her. For a moment, she allows herself to wonder about her own reactions...but she shies away, pushing her questions far down in the recesses of her consciousness.

Veronica conceals the digital recorder in the back of her desk drawer and joins Logan in the bed, assiduously ignoring her guilt about bugging her dad. Annoying, rational Veronica mocks her: Why don't you just ask him again? Tell Dad you.... She can't finish the thought, and she dismisses it, unable to make sense of her confused emotions.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Gut Reaction
Logan has a nightmare; Veronica goes to
physical therapy; Veronica reacts predictably.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Wallace: Percy Daggs
III. Eli: Francis Capra. John: Brian Hallisay.
Aide: Janelle Velasquez.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-EIGHT: "GUT REACTION"

Wed. 4/22/09: very early, Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, CA

Logan wakes up suddenly. The light is dim in the bedroom; it's still very early. It's quiet...too quiet. He rolls over, but she's not in the bed. "Veronica?" He gets up and walks to her desk. No note. Where is she? He grabs his shorts from the floor and stops dead. The closet door is slightly ajar. He rushes over and throws open the door: the closet is completely empty. Every item is gone, except for a couple of his shirts and a pair of his jeans hanging from a hook. He pushes the shirts aside, and the wire hangers jangle loudly.

Suddenly it seems really important to get dressed. He puts on his jeans and a T-shirt and shoves his feet into his sneakers. He checks the bathroom; all that's left is his shaving gear and toothbrush. Out in the kitchen, he pulls open the drawers...empty, except for some crumbs...a butter knife...a box of matches. There's a jar of mustard and some moldy olives in the refrigerator. He whirls around. There are sheets draped over the furniture in the living room.

"Veronica? Keith?"

He walks outside. It's dazzling and brilliant, the sun shining high in the sky. People are going about their business in the apartment complex, ignoring him. He nods at Veronica's neighbor—fucking old biddy, always giving me the evil eye—and she scuttles away as if afraid. In the parking lot, he finds Veronica's Saturn and pops open the locks. There's a fine layer of dust on the dash, and the car smells like old dirty socks.

He starts the car and heads up the PCH to Los Angeles. It seem like he's driving forever...he passes the same car three times. What the fuck? When he finally gets to Venice Beach, he drives around the block looking for paparazzi. The coast is clear, and he pulls into the driveway of his house.

Once inside, he calls out again, "Veronica? Are you here?" The house is immaculate, every throw pillow in perfect position, every framed and matted photograph square and even. He walks out onto the deck; his surfboard is leaning against the wall next to the outdoor shower. The beach is deserted, the waves crashing at a high tide well above the usual high water mark. He kicks off his shoes and wades in, ignoring the water soaking his jeans. The tide runs out, the shifting sand dissolving beneath his feet. He squints over the water at the setting sun partially obscured by clouds. The ocean is dark and turbulent as far as the eye can see.

He turns around and walks back to the deck and into the house, his jeans tracking in a trail of wet sand on the perfect white carpet. He sits down on the couch. On the coffeetable is a neat stack of DVDs: he looks through them...every one a porno flick with a hardcore image on the cover. There is another pile of PSP and XBox games, with Grand Theft Auto XIX on top. And in the center of the table...splayed open with the spine broken from hard use, a hardcover book: "My Life as a Modern Day Mata Hari in the FBI" by Veronica Mars. He turns to the inside front cover and reads, "To Logan. Best wishes, Veronica."

Veronica shakes him awake. "Hey...hey...you're dreaming. Logan?"

He tries to smile as he looks nervously around the room at the accumulation of stuff...their folded laundry on the chair, her school work messily piled on the desk, her favorite picture of them slightly askew above a stack of books. And Veronica right in front of him, her warm body pressed against his. "Wow. Really bad dream."

"Gonna tell me about it?"

"Zombies," he lies. "Just like '28 Days Later'."

"Ooh, scary. Sandra Bullock always creeps me out." Then she laughs, making him smile despite himself. Veronica adds, "Sorry, couldn't resist."

"You're in a good mood," he comments, grabbing her and pulling her on top of him.

"Don't tell anyone, but...." She pretends to look around before continuing in a conspiratorial whisper, "I got laid last night."

"Anybody I know?"

"Some guy." Veronica shrugs dramatically.

"Gonna call him?"

"We'll see."

He pretends to sigh. "You broads, with your callous love-em-and-leave-em attitude."

"Breaking hearts wherever we go," she agrees.

"You don't know the half of it," he says.

~ • ~

Wed. 4/22/09: noon, Neptune Physical Therapy and Rehabilitation, Neptune, CA

A few hours later, Logan stops the car, idling at the curb as Veronica grabs her stuff for physical therapy. "You sure you're okay today?"

"What?"

"You're not upset with me about last night, are you?" he says nervously. "I'm sorry if I was too rough—"

She leans over and kisses him hard. "Are you kidding? That was incredible."

"You seem different today, Veronica. What's up with you? Did something happen?"

"I just have something on my mind." Like...what could be on those recordings sitting on my iPod. Veronica had fidgeted her way through two lectures this morning. She's quite sure that her notes from the classes will be nonsensical, and she hopes that she didn't miss anything important while she was doodling. Twice, she pulled out her iPod and thought about sneaking the earbuds into her ears...but Professor MacAvoy's policy on students caught listening to music during lectures had been demonstrated to her several times.

What's crazy is...she wants to tell Logan exactly what's going on. Veronica is dying to tell him what she's done, but even she knows this is insane. What the hell am I doing? The temptation to confess to bugging her dad is killing her.

"You're sure?" Logan is still a little unnerved by the visions from his desolate nightmare that morning. He touches her shoulder, almost as if to reassure himself that she really is right in front of him. At her smile, he compulsively pulls her into a tight hug and whispers, "I just loved seeing you look so strong and sexy last night."

"What you're saying is you liked letting me do all the work," she teases.

"Yeah, that's what I meant," he says agreeably. "I'll see you in a couple hours. Work hard on your exercises, sweetcheeks. Listen to the nice physical therapist."

"You mean my torturer, right?" she says wryly. "No pain, no gain. See ya."

He watches her walk up to the front door with eyes narrowed. She's moving much better today, with a spring in her step that he hasn't seen since before Briar Hill. Maybe she's just hurting less. What possessed me to throw her around like that yesterday? He drives off to run a few errands Keith had asked him to perform while she works on her rehab. As he spins the wheel to exit the parking lot, he catches himself tapping nervously on the steering wheel and forces himself to stop.

The aide checks Veronica in and gets her set up on a treatment table in a private room with a heating pad and 'stim', an electrotherapy pain modality. The electrodes attached to the painful points in her shoulder begin to jump with tiny jolts of electricity, and Veronica snuggles the earbuds in her ear and turns up the volume on her iPod.

The bug is sound-activated, so almost every useful track begins in the middle of a word. Once activated, the bug keeps recording for ten minutes before shutting down to save battery life and disc space on the digital voice recorder. She hadn't dared to put the bug actually on her dad's desk, so she had had to put the sensitivity level to its highest setting, which meant that every car horn, ambulance siren, or even the occasional cholo lowrider blasting Mexican top forty passing by the building had triggered the device. She fast-forwards through four or five such useless tracks.

Phone call. A deadbeat client, sounds like. She hits the 'forward' button. Dad's calling Wallace...no, leaving a message. Something about the 'live-out' staff, a cook and a personal shopper...two names, Sharon Taub and Joannie Larang...a suggestion to try to talk to Sharon at her gym and Joannie at her favorite bar over the weekend. Guess Dad ran their credit card bills. 'I'm emailing you their photos...let me know what you find out.' She listens again but can't discern any more information on what Wallace is working on.

There is a long stretch of simple ambient noise punctuated by an occasional soft shuffle of papers. A loud thunk—the stapler?—the soft whir of a file drawer being opened, a pause, the drawer being closed; then a few minutes later, the same sequence again. Dad's working on paperwork. She randomly checks a few seconds here and there and skips ahead. Aha, here we go...a client meeting...a messy divorce, three kids, the wife suspects an affair with the neighbor. Sordid, just the way we like it.

And then...jackpot. Mac meeting with Dad.

MAC: —ster Mars.
DAD: Mac. How are you doing? How are your classes going?
MAC: Better every day, Mr. Mars. The professors are being really cool.
DAD: How are your mom and dad holding up?
MAC: They like the new house a lot, but I guess there's some hassles with the insurance. They were arguing the other night. I wish ...[garbled]...

Veronica rewinds and listens again, but the section is still garbled. She frowns.

DAD: Let me know if I can help. I'd be happy to help your parents look over the paperwork and negotiate with the insurance company for them. I've learned a few tricks over the years. Maybe I even know someone at their carrier.
MAC: That'd be great. Mr. Mars, I took a look at the server files at Neptune Alarmco, and I found...[garbled]...interesting.
[silence, sound of papers rustling]
DAD: What am I looking at?
MAC: Someone was accessing the server repeatedly right here. On March 7. ...I think they were running an algorithm to replicate the passcode...[garbled]....
DAD: That's even possible?
MAC: It's pretty slick. High level programming. Someone was aware of a security vulnerability ...[garbled]... system.
DAD: Can you trace the hacker? You know this is completely out of my area of expertise.
MAC: There was a security patch, pretty recent it looked like. And there was a flaw in the coding of the patch. And then the hacker had a way in.
DAD: I'm not sure I understand.
MAC: I think the security patch deliberately created a gateway for someone to access ...[garbled].... Mr. Mars, this was not an amateur hacker, not ....[garbled].
DAD: Or they paid someone who was a pro. Someone who owed them something. Maybe there was more involved ...[garbled]...we're talking five million dollars, you know?
MAC: Yeah, you might be right. I want to keep working on it, see if I can learn anything else.
DAD: That'd be great. Thanks for coming in, Mac.

Damn it. Half the conversation is unintelligible. What the hell is causing that interference? Maybe Mac's laptop emitting a Bluetooth signal?

Veronica listens three more times to the conversation and manages to pick up a few more words. Something about a sophisticated computer scheme. Mac should know, I guess. She sounded impressed.

The physical therapy aide touches Veronica's shoulder, and she jumps in alarm. Veronica pulls the earbuds from her ears. "Ooh, you startled me."

"Must be some good tunes. John's ready to work with you." The aide busies herself detaching the electrodes from Veronica's shoulder and then leads her to a therapy table.

"How's the pain today?" the therapist asks. He palpates the most tender areas, and Veronica tries not to wince.

"Generally better, but that—ah!—hurts right there."

"Okay, we'll take a look at that. How about strength, flexibility?"

"Actually...think that's significantly better," Veronica muses, thinking about her sexcapades with Logan the night before. "Yeah...I'm definitely better," she adds with a smile.

John grins. "You look better. Your color's better, you're moving a little more freely today. Let's see how far we can stretch that shoulder."

After the therapist contorts her shoulder in every direction and massages the surgical adhesions, he releases her to the aide, telling Veronica to increase the weights by one-half on every machine. The aide sets up Veronica on the first therapy machine. "Three sets of ten."

"I know," she replies. It's always...three sets of ten. "But I can try to go four sets, right?"

"Of course, if you're not hurting." The aide tucks a small block under Veronica's armpit and puts the handle attached to a pulley system in her hand, and Veronica begins gently rotating her forearm out and back in while holding the block in place.

Every exercise seems ridiculously simple...until she tries it. The first couple weeks the aide had to stop Veronica from trying too hard, explaining that her impatience to get stronger was going to hold her back by ramping up her pain levels. She grimaces her way through all the shoulder exercises.

"Let's get you set up on the treadmill. Fifteen minutes, right?" the aide suggests.

"Can I go twenty? Maybe even thirty? I hate feeling so weak. I want to push it. I was running ten miles a day before I went undercover." It's not a lie—Veronica feels like a cripple having to walk, not run, on the treadmill to avoid jarring her shoulder—but the real reason she suggests lengthening the time is the opportunity to listen to more of the surveillance.

"Let's see how you're doing at twenty minutes, okay?"

Veronica puts the headphones back on and begins pacing steadily. She smiles reassuringly at the aide and tries to walk easily so that the aide won't stop the exercise at twenty minutes. She hits 'play' on the iPod and begins skipping through tracks.

DAD: —lo, Lloyd, it's Keith Mars.

Veronica racks her brain. Lloyd...Lloyd

DAD: What do you hear? This reporter...Tom Chilton.

Veronica realizes: Lloyd Blankenship, at the Neptune Register.

DAD: I think he's doing a hatchet job on my client...really, he's got a source? Hmm....Any way you could ask your editor to hold off on the story—...Yeah, I know. Newspapers are hurting these days, anything to get a bump in circulation. But it seems like you're hanging him out to dry, and it's not just my client who will get hurt. His daughter is the one who will suffer.

His daughter?

DAD: [heavy sigh] I know. I appreciate it. Thanks.

The aide comes over and says something; Veronica, still walking steadily on the treadmill, hits pause and says, "Sorry...couldn't hear you."

"Feeling okay? John said you could try to go all the way to thirty minutes."

"Awesome!" Veronica replies, slightly sarcastic. "That's almost as good as Mrs. Donager."

The aide chuckles; Mrs. Donager is eighty-five and uses a walker. "Try to be a little more patient with your body, Veronica."

"Patience is not my strong suit."

"Yeah, we know. Ten more minutes."

Veronica smiles and hits 'play'. She hears a door closing on the track and listens intently.

DAD: What you got for me, Wallace?
WALLACE: They went to a party on Feb. 21, at the Banks. The cook remembered, because she had the night off.
DAD: Catered affair?
WALLACE: Yep. Elite Catering.
DAD: You need to talk to Martha—
WALLACE: I'm on it. I've got an appointment with her later today. I'll try to get the guest list and the employees who worked at the party. We can see if the Crawfords talked about their upcoming vacation. Any word from Weevil?
DAD: He said he should have something by Wed. afternoon. He's got to go up to Chino in person.

The Crawfords? Are they the clients? What the hell is Dad working on? How does Ratner connect to the Crawfords? And Chino? Weevil's working for Dad now too?

The next track begins abruptly. Another phone call.

DAD: —Keith Mars...have you heard from the reporter?...hmm, I agree, that's not good....No, don't give him a quote. You don't want to do that. Just say 'no comment'....Hold up a sec—are you thinking about running? Talk to me...You can't give up hope. Even if the article runs—...No, I haven't said anything to Veronica; she's pretty fragile right now, I don't think she can handle any additional stress....We have until the copy deadline. For the Register's Sunday edition, that's eleven p.m. on Friday....Promise me, Duncan. You can't run again. If you—

Veronica hits the iPod's pause button in a panic, almost stumbling on the treadmill. Duncan? Duncan?!! She stops the treadmill, standing on the rubber mat and gripping the side rail, oblivious to her surroundings. She hits rewind and listens again, her exercises completely forgotten.

DAD: —Keith Mars...have you heard from the reporter?...hmm, I agree, that's not good....No, don't give him a quote. You don't want to do that. Just say 'no comment'....Hold up a sec—are you thinking about running? Talk to me...You can't give up hope. Even if the article runs—...No, I haven't said anything to Veronica; she's pretty fragile right now, I don't think she can handle any additional stress....We have until the copy deadline. For the Register's Sunday edition, that's eleven p.m. on Friday....Promise me, Duncan. You can't run again. If you run this time, there won't be any chance of an amnesty again; you'll spend the rest of your life on the run....I understand that you're angry and scared. It's unfortunate that she targeted you, but I think it will be obvious to everyone, including the judge, that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and vulnerable to a con artist....Don't do that to your daughter. Try to keep your spirits up. I'll call you later. [sound of phone hanging up]

[long silence]

DAD: [under his breath, barely audible] That fucking bitch.

Veronica recoils at her dad's uncharacteristically ugly, angry words. Fucking bitch...con artist...fucking bitch...oh my god. It's Kendall. Someone's threatening to write an article about Duncan and Kendall, his affair with her...or worse. Maybe somebody is planning to say that he killed her. Oh my god. Oh my god! Duncan!

The aide has hurried over. "Veronica? What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?"

Veronica snaps out of it. "I'm sorry. I need to cut this short today."

The aide looks at her in confusion. "You have a few more exercises—"

"I need to get out of here."

Her therapist walks over. "What's going on?"

The aide explains, "She says she needs to stop."

John explains in a soothing voice, "Veronica, if something hurts, you have to tell us. We can modify the exercise. It's the movement of the muscles rather than the intensity that matters."

"John, I'm sorry. It's nothing to do with my rehab. Something's come up. It's really important." Veronica heads to the locker room to retrieve her purse. She pulls out her phone and hits speed dial '3'. "Logan, can you pick me up a little early?...Yeah, as soon as possible. I'll explain when you get here."

When Logan pulls up out front fifteen minutes later, she is pacing back and forth in agitation outside the building. Veronica yanks open the car door angrily and gets in. She glares at him, and he asks, "Veronica, what happened?"

"Did you know?" she says accusingly.

"Did I know what?" he replies, utterly confused.

"Did you know that Duncan hired Dad?"

"How did you—" Logan breaks off.

"That's your response? How did I find out? I bugged Dad, okay?" She fumes, breathing hard.

"You bugged your dad?"

"How about you stop answering me with questions and give me some actual answers?" she replies furiously.

"Your dad mentioned it on Thursday. I don't know the details. He asked me not to tell you," Logan responds. "What would you have wanted me to do?"

"You should have told me!"

"Because you're reacting so calmly," he comments, attempting unsuccessfully to keep his voice steady and unemotional.

"Damn you," she exhales. She turns to stare out the window. "Take me to the office. I want to talk to Dad."

"I think you need to try to calm down, Veron—"

"Take me to the goddamn office, Logan," she says bitingly. "Or get out of my fucking car, and I'll drive myself. How could you do this to me?"

"Really. That's how you're going to treat me? 'Get out of my fucking car'? Nice." He tries to resist reacting to her anger, but his rage suddenly bubbles over. "I wanted to tell you, you know. And Veronica, you are NOT being fair. You told us you wanted out of the business. So you're out. You know that I told you that I thought quitting was a mistake and you were going to regret it. But I tried to keep my mouth shut and let you do what you wanted. I knew you'd find some reason to blame me. Like you always do. I can't fucking win with you," he concludes bitterly.

"What exactly is this reporter going to write about Duncan?" Veronica asks anxiously.

"Yeah, let's make this about Duncan."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"If Duncan needs help, you swing into action. You put your whole fucking life on the line for him...you fucking kidnapped a baby, Veronica...in what world is that okay? And somehow it's always my fault." Logan puts the car in drive and exits the parking lot, turning towards Mars Investigations.

Veronica glances at his angry face. She tries to calm herself and says quietly, "Logan, I'm—"

"I don't want to hear it, Veronica."

"Logan—"

He stares straight ahead at the road and ignores her. They drive in tense silence to Mars Investigations. He parks the car, and they both get out. She turns toward the office door, but he goes the other way, walking down the sidewalk to the corner. "Where are you going?" she asks.

"I need to get away from you."

"Logan!"

He calls over his shoulder, "Call me when you're ready to go, and I'll take you back to the apartment. I'll pack up my stuff tonight and be out of your hair in the morning."

She hurries after him and grabs his shirt. "Logan, stop. I'm sorry. You can't—"

Logan turns around. "Listen, your dad can get someone else to drive you around and carry your books for you. What the hell...I'll pay for it. It'd be worth it." He plucks her hand off his shirt and starts walking again.

"Logan, please, I'm so sorry. I love you," she says, beginning to cry.

He stops. Without turning around, he says quietly, "You love me, or you need me?"

"I love you and I need you," she replies tearfully.

"Go take care of Duncan," he answers.

"I don't love him. I love you."

"Right. Hey, if you save his ass again, maybe he'll carry your books for you. Right now, I think I need to go find my backbone, see if I can salvage my life. You know what they say about abused kids...after a while, they start to think they deserve it. I guess I always took your shit because I thought I deserved it, Veronica."

Veronica flinches overtly, and the tears stream down her cheeks.

He continues bitterly, "Everyone's been so afraid to upset you, you know? Veronica's been through a horrible experience. Veronica's messed up. We got to protect her. We got to take care of her." Logan takes a deep breath. "Well, I needed you to take care of me too. Do you know what it did to me to hold you down at the school? I turned into my fucking father for you, Veronica," he says with deep revulsion.

Veronica backs up away from him until she is leaning against the building. She doubles over, clutching her stomach.

He sees her stunned reaction and closes his eyes. "Fuck. And now I did it again. I can't ever do a single fucking thing right. I can't even fight fair. Maybe I am like my dad."

As he walks away, he flings over his shoulder, "Try to remember I always loved you...even when I hurt you."

Veronica sinks down to the sidewalk; she hugs her knees to her chest and sobs.

~ • ~

Wed. 4/22/09: afternoon, Mars Investigations, Neptune, CA

Keith picks up the phone. "Wallace—...She's what? I'll be right there." He cradles the phone. "Eli...come with me." He and Weevil hurry out of the office and down the street, where Wallace is hugging Veronica, who is huddled on the sidewalk in tears.

"What happened?" Keith asks anxiously.

"I saw her sitting here on the sidewalk when I pulled up. I think she had a fight with Logan," Wallace explains.

"My fault, all my fault," she sobs incoherently. "Daddy, why didn't you tell me about Duncan?"

"Shit," Weevil comments.

"What did he do?" Keith asks angrily. "How long have you been here, honey?"

A woman watching from the doorway of a nearby store comments, "It happened just a couple minutes ago. He walked that way." She jerks her head toward the corner.

Veronica is crying soundlessly. Her dad pulls her up from the sidewalk into his arms and starts walking her to the office. Weevil says, "I'll kill him," and starts to walk down the block.

"Weevil, no," Wallace protests, grabbing Weevil's sleeve. "I'll go. You go with Mr. Mars, see if you can help with Veronica." Weevil stares at him balefully before acquiescing and following Keith.

Wallace walks down the block. At the corner, he looks left, then right. Joe's Pub...shit. Wallace pushes open the door. Logan sits at the bar, barely visible in the dark room. There's a large glass in front of him filled with an amber liquid. Logan is spinning the glass on the bar, a few drops escaping the rim when he turns it a little too violently.

Wallace sits down next to him. He pulls out his wallet and calls over the bartender. He puts a ten on the counter and says, "Take that away, okay?" The bartender looks at Logan questioningly.

Logan shrugs. "Whatever, man." The bartender takes the glass and walks away.

"Not whatever. So you had a fight. What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Leave me alone."

"What. Happened." Wallace says strongly.

"She bugged her dad. Can you believe it?" Logan replies incredulously.

"Yeah, actually I can. Sounds like Veronica."

"She blamed me for not telling her that Duncan was in trouble again. And I blew up at her."

"That boy's a mess," Wallace pronounces. "He's completely pathetic."

"Yeah, right? But she always runs to help him."

"Do you have any idea what she was like when you ran away?" Wallace asks. "She made all of us help find you. I got real sick of hearing your name. I must have watched that stupid video from Madeira a thousand times with her. She didn't rest until she located you in Texas. And then she made sure you were okay...and she left you alone, like you wanted. Almost killed her to do that."

Logan glances at Wallace.

Wallace adds, "I really don't know what she sees in you, anyways."

Logan scoffs. "Yeah, thanks, man. Fuck you too."

"Don't fuck this up. She's in her dad's office crying right now. She said it was all her fault, and she blew it with you. Let's get out of here and fix this."

"Can't fix it," he mutters morosely. "I'm a raging asshole. Not only is it genetic, it's terminal, apparently."

Wallace chuckles. "Huh. Listen, she is a pain in the ass. You know it, and I know it. But we'd both walk through fire for her. And I'm pretty sure despite all evidence to the contrary that she's totally in love with you." He makes a face. "You guys have been completely repulsive lately. All that lovey-dovey shit. That is not Veronica Mars. I can't wait 'til she charges up her taser and starts chasing after motherfuckin' bad guys again."

"Oh, so you don't believe she's quitting either?" Logan asks facetiously.

"Not a chance in hell. But you know it's a lot easier to just agree with her. Damn, boy. Haven't you learned anything in all these years? The trick is, you gotta make her think it's all her idea."

"She bugged her dad, Wallace," Logan repeats.

"Sounds like she's feeling better, right?" Wallace observes. "Coming out of retirement, you might say."

"Yeah."

Wallace stands up. "Come on, let's go. You need to talk to her."

"She's with her dad?" When Wallace nods, Logan adds, "You think you can go first, make sure he's unarmed?"

"Yeah, no problem. He's upset, but he knows her too. I think you'll be okay. And you think he's gonna be happy to hear she was bugging him?"

At Mars Investigations, Keith has helped Veronica lie down on the couch in reception. He sent Susan to buy some Tylenol, mostly to get her out of the office so they could talk freely.

"Veronica, what was the fight about?

She shakes her head, keeping her eyes closed. "What's going on with Duncan?"

"What did Logan say? Did he do something?" Keith presses.

"It doesn't matter what he said. It's my fault. I treated him terribly."

"Let me be the judge of that."

"Dad, please tell me what's going with Duncan."

Keith sighs. "Veronica. Some reporter got wind of his affair with Kendall. There's going to be a big exposé in the Sunday Register. It sounds like the reporter's going to suggest that Duncan might have been involved in her murder. How did you find out—"

"What are you doing about it?" Her eyes are still closed, almost as if she's expecting a blow.

Keith stares at her. "Veronica, honey, open your eyes."

She looks up at him warily.

"I'm trying to figure out who killed Kendall. If there's a big break in the case, no one will care about Duncan and who he slept with. I'm betting she was running a major con of some type, and if I can prove it, everyone will see what she's like."

Veronica asks, "What do the Crawfords have to do with it? And Ratner?"

"How did you—"

Wallace and Logan walk into the reception area; Logan hangs back a little, obviously unsure of himself. Wallace says, "She had you bugged, Keith. Vee, I can't believe you."

"She did what?" Keith asks incredulously. "Veronica, is that true? Here I've been worried sick about you—" He breaks off, realizing that he's getting truly angry.

Veronica sees Logan and struggles to sit up. "Logan! Are you—" She swallows and stands up. She walks to him and throws herself against him. "I'm so sorry." Keith watches for a moment before disappearing into his office.

At first Logan stands completely still, uncertain what to do. Tentatively, he puts a hand on her back and says quietly, "Me too." She whimpers a little, and suddenly more confident, he strokes her back and pulls her tight against him.

"You didn't mean it, did you? Please...you're not really going to leave—"

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry I got mad at you."

Weevil blurts out, "You should be. What the fuck's wrong with you?"

Wallace glares at him. "Shut it, man. Stay out of it."

Keith emerges from his office tossing the bug up and down in his hand. "Where's the recorder, Veronica?"

"Behind the credenza," she mumbles.

He walks over to the credenza and runs his hand behind it, removing a small electronic device. "Veronica—"

"I know," she protests. "You don't have to say it."

"Veronica, you asked us to respect your wishes. You told us you were quitting the business, changing your major, leaving Neptune. We've all been so worried about you."

"I know," she whispers. "I couldn't help it. I had to know."

There's a moment of silence, and then Keith starts chuckling. Wallace joins in immediately, and eventually Logan and Weevil begin to smile as well.

"Stop laughing at me!" Veronica cries in aggravation.

"You're very predictable, honey," Keith says.

"Not so broken after all," Wallace comments under his breath to Weevil.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Dénouement
Veronica puts it all together (and you thought
I wasn't going to wrap this up!)
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Wallace: Percy Daggs
III. Tina: Anna Campbell.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-NINE: "DÉNOUEMENT"

Wed. 4/22/09: afternoon, Mars Investigations, Neptune, CA

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with Duncan?" Veronica asks. "What have you found out?" She pulls Logan over to the couch, and they sit down together. Tentatively, he puts his arm around her, and she leans into him.

Keith looks at Logan, who shrugs. Keith clears his throat. "We've been pursuing the vehicle that picked up Kendall the night she was killed. Jeff Ratner gave her a ride—"

"You're kidding. That's how Ratner's connected?" she interrupts.

Keith explains, "She convinced Ratner to give her a ride from the Grand to a meeting downtown. She was picked up by a black SUV. Ratner identified the make and model, and the sheriff matched it to a vehicle reported stolen by the Crawfords. Don't you remember?...Leo told us about the SUV before we went up to Rio Linda."

Logan comments, "I think she fell asleep before that part. Remember? Leo was surprised...he thought she was superhuman and never slept."

Veronica looks pissed and embarrassed. "Damn it. I don't remember him telling us about an SUV."

Keith tries to soothe her ego. "Veronica, you were still recovering from your infection. Leo confirmed it was the vehicle by checking the traffic cameras around the area where Ratner dropped her off."

"Where was this?" Veronica asks curiously.

Keith replies, "729 Main Street, the Rose Office Building. Ratner said she seemed to know the driver."

"And then what?" Veronica presses.

"Ratner was supposed to meet up with her again at 10:00. She didn't show, even though he waited until 10:30, when he finally took off. The sheriff put the SUV, a five-year-old Lincoln Navigator, on a watch list. Its stereo turned up in a pawnshop in San Diego. The pawnshop got the stereo from Paddy's Car Parts and Used Car Emporium. Leo got a search warrant, and they found the seats from the Navigator in Paddy's lot, and one of Kendall's hairs on the seats."

Veronica frowns. "So what's the problem? Fitzpatricks, case closed. That's pretty solid evidence."

Wallace interjects, "They were all arrested that night, remember, Vee? Weevil heard that Liam was accepting a shipment of stolen cars that night; we called a tip in to the sheriff, and they were all arrested. Everyone spent the night in jail, except a few low-level flunkies."

"And you remember Liam said he didn't know who killed her," Logan reminds her.

"Yeah, except that he's a lying sack of shit," Veronica observes. "So one of his employees showed a little initiative and took care of his boss's problem for him, while Liam had an iron-clad alibi. Why are we taking Liam's word for anything?"

Weevil says quietly, "Because someone was setting them up, that's why. Oswaldo Cortez told me that the Navigator was sitting unlocked in front of the River Stix when the bar closed down at two a.m. The Fitzpatricks aren't ones to look a gift horse in the mouth; it was chopped by morning."

"You mean..." Veronica muses.

"Only thing it was missing was a sign that said 'Steal me,'" Weevil concludes.

"Wait a second, I thought you said it was stolen from the Crawfords," Veronica says.

"Who have a housekeeper named Mulvaney, related to Daniel Mulvaney who had a little publicity last fall when he gave false testimony against you, Veronica."

Veronica thinks for a moment. "So of course it looked like the Fitzpatricks used the housekeeper to get a car."

Keith says, "Right. She had the alarm code, she had access to the car keys and could have had a set made, she has a nephew who's a known criminal...any idiot could see that there's a connection. But Mac asked me: why would the Fitzpatricks bother? Why not just steal a random Toyota or your basic older GM car that's simple to hotwire? This was a distinctive car that a witness would remember, with easy-to-trace high-end parts that would end up in a chop shop for sure. And it was locked up in a garage with an alarm and a security system."

"It's too smart," Veronica concludes. "Too much planning."

"Exactly. It's not a methhead crime," Keith agrees.

Logan glances at Veronica's face. She looks alive, ridiculously happy as she's pondering all the possibilities and struggling to understand just what happened. He suddenly realizes just what was going on with her the evening before when she had seemed so vibrant and excited...and he also understands just what it was that he had been responding to. She catches his eye and returns his gaze quizzically. "Later," he whispers.

Weevil is theorizing out loud. "So if they didn't get in with the housekeeper's help, how did they steal the car?"

Keith says, "They hacked into the security company monitoring the alarm system. Mac said there was a security patch uploaded about the week before the car was stolen, and the hacker used a weakness in the patch to generate the alarm code by tracking all the times the system was activated or deactivated."

"And?" Veronica asks.

"And what?"

"How did they steal the car itself? That car has a computer chip in the ignition and can't be hot-wired, right? Did the thief have a transponder key?"

Keith shakes his head. "We haven't figured that out yet. Wallace discovered that the Crawfords went to a party about three weeks before. Did you get the guest list from the party planner?"

"And the cater waiters who worked the party," Wallace says smugly, handing several sheets of paper to Keith.

Veronica snatches them from his hand and looks at them. "It's like a who's who of Neptune. Everybody who's anybody was there. Politicians, socialites, corporate executives." She shuffles the pages. "And about a hundred people who were working the party, not just waiters: cooks, bartenders, musicians, parking attendants, security, and a cleaning crew after the event. I see a few names here who I know have a record. What did the party planner have to say?" She passes the sheets to Keith, who thumbs through the sheaf of papers.

Wallace shrugs. "She didn't remember anything in particular. But it stands to reason the Crawfords might have mentioned that they were going on vacation soon, and anyone could have overheard them."

Veronica says, frustrated, "We need to talk to the Crawfords. Find out who they talked to, and who would have a set of keys or a way to get access to the keys. Unfortunately, the Crawfords hate me. Remember? The Boatloads of Fun Corp."

"It's okay, honey, lots of criminals hate you," Keith offers with a smile.

"Oh, that makes me feel much better," Veronica retorts as Logan struggles mightily not to chuckle.

Weevil says, "But why? Why was Kendall killed?"

"Kendall was probably running a con on somebody else, and they decided not to play along," Keith surmises. "And the Fitzpatricks were convenient patsies."

"Maybe," Veronica says thoughtfully. "You know, I'm wondering why Kendall was so foolish as to stick around Neptune when she knew Liam had a very good reason to kill her. I don't think she came back for the Phoenix Land Trust money after all...or even the five million she and Liam skimmed from Casablancas Enterprises."

"Then why?"

"A much bigger score. Something worth taking the chance of a lifetime. I think Kendall was lying her ass off when we talked to her. Well, mostly."

"What?" Wallace asks incredulously. "When did you talk to Kendall?"

Veronica explains, "Dad, Logan, and I questioned her before we went to Briar Hill. She was screwing Duncan, and he was suspicious of her. And then we caught her breaking into Mars Investigations. Logan recognized her as Kendall, despite all the plastic surgery."

Logan mutters, "Her profile was still...impressive. Hips don't lie, as they say."

Weevil snorts. "Or boobs."

"What else?" Veronica asks. "What else have you found out?"

Keith gets his notes from his desk. "Kendall's suite was searched that night. The hotel computer recorded the time of entry as 1:13 a.m. The killer would have had to hustle to get back to the Grand by then. Sacks said that the security cameras from the Neptune Grand parking lot didn't show any Lincoln Navigators coming into the lot that night. But whoever broke in was searching Kendall's room until 2:07, according to the hotel's computer log. So even if somehow the SUV got into the lot without being recorded by the cameras, they didn't have time to get it over to the River Stix before the bar closed at two a.m."

"Maybe they dumped the car and took a cab? Can I see that?" Veronica requests, extending her hand for his notes. She looks over his summary. "Kendall bribed Ratner with sex? Oh, that's awesome. I would have loved to have seen that....Here it is. The time of death was estimated between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m."

"Originally, they said nine to one, but with Ratner's testimony...." Keith shrugs. "She was still alive at 9:30."

"And it's about twenty minutes to Waterside Park from downtown. All right, let's say she was killed right at 10:00pm. The killer dumps the SUV at the River Stix...that brings us to—"

"Say 10:45, maybe 11:00, allowing for time to clean up any evidence from the crime scene after he shot her," Keith suggests.

Veronica says, "Then he takes a cab to the Neptune Grand—say a half an hour at least. Yeah, it's possible for the killer to have gotten back to the Grand in time to enter her room at 1:13, with time to spare. Even if he killed her at 11:00, he could have made it."

"I'm sure the sheriff examined all the cab records and tracked down every fare to the Grand that night," Keith muses.

Weevil says, "They probably got a ride from someone. How the hell are we ever going to figure that out?"

"Why do you think it was so important to search Kendall's room?" Veronica asks thoughtfully.

"Her laptop, I guess," Keith offers. "But they tossed the whole room."

"Spent almost an hour searching," Veronica muses.

"Sacks said that according to housekeeping all the cosmetics and toiletries were dumped down the sink too."

Wallace proposes, "Sounds like someone was looking for a key to a safe deposit box."

Keith nods. "Or something else small...a flash drive, maybe. We'll probably never know."

Veronica tries to remember everything Kendall said that night at the Neptune Grand. We're missing something. Why did Kendall come back to Neptune? She made it clear she was still up to her old tricks, bedding rich older men and running scams. If she came back just because Liam was in prison, she would have left the moment he was released. Something made it worth the danger to be in Neptune. Something worth a lot of money. And the Crawfords, telling their friends at the Banks's party about their upcoming vacation...their 09er friends....

FLASHBACK:

Kendall laughs and mocks Logan. "Yeah, Aaron promised me $200,000 to get one of Duncan's hairs out of the shower drain...from that shower right over there. I think his sleazebag attorneys planted it on his Oscar trophy. Then, after the trial, Aaron got shot before I could collect. We were sealing the deal that day, and I went to take a shower. When I came out, he'd been shot, and I got the hell out of there."

Then later...Kendall says, "I've been watching you. This fall, when Veronica was arrested, you didn't bail her out. You had to get Echolls to put up the bail money."

(END FLASHBACK)

Veronica thinks, When I was arrested...there was a lot of publicity about that case...and about the murder victim, Clarence Wiedman.

It was always about money for Kendall. Follow the money.... "Let me see that guest list again," Veronica says suddenly. She studies the names for several minutes, lost in thought. She murmurs, "The payoff of a lifetime." She turns to her dad and explains, "I think an accomplice searched the room. Can we get the surveillance footage from the hotel? Will Leo let you look at it?"

"I doubt it. He's not gunning for us anymore, but he's not going to go out of his way to help us either. You have an idea, Veronica?" Keith asks.

"Just a wild theory," Veronica replies, shaking her head. "And if I'm right...the murderer didn't dare show his face at the Neptune Grand, so he had an accomplice. I need to see the surveillance footage." She addresses Logan. "What about your friend Tina—the manager? Would she let us watch the security videos?"

"Worth a shot, I guess. But wouldn't she have turned over everything to the sheriff's department?" Logan replies.

Keith says, "Maybe not. They probably kept a copy for their own insurance purposes."

"Let's go. You'll have to be your most charming, Logan."

"When am I not?" he responds wryly.

~ • ~

Wed. 4/22/09: early evening, Neptune Grand Hotel, Neptune, CA

With a broad smile, Tina, the manager, says, "Mr. Echolls, how good to see you again. And your friend Veronica...and former Sheriff Mars, correct?" She nods at Veronica and Keith.

Logan says carefully. "We're hoping you can help us. We'd like to look at the security footage for March 11." He leans in and whispers, "It's for a very important case that Mr. Mars is working on."

"But that's the date..." Tina protests. "Oh, I see."

"We're quite certain we can prove who killed Ms. Casablancas, but we need your help to do it."

Tina confides, "We did save all that footage just in case. Our insurance company was quite clear that we needed to keep two sets of duplicates in case there was a lawsuit."

Keith interrupts, "Can we take a look at March 11? All the security feeds."

"Actually, we only need the registration desk," Veronica says quietly. "Starting from about March 4th, I'd say."

Keith looks puzzled.

"Follow me," Tina says. "I'll have the chief of security set it up for you."

A half hour later, they are seated in the security office watching video of one guest after another checking in or out of the Grand. They watch intently for almost an hour; the time code flashes by, 03/04/2009 turning into 03/05/2009 and then 03/06/2009, with the figures moving jerkily, one frame for every six seconds. There are long stretches with no activity, and the security guard speeds up the video, slowing down again when another guest approaches the desk.

"Who are we looking for, Veronica?" Keith asks, puzzled.

She smiles inscrutably as they keep watching. The time stamp reads 03/06/2009 10:18:36 when a young woman, with her blonde hair severely pulled back and sporting thick glasses, approaches the front desk to register. Veronica keeps her expression neutral. When they've watched all the footage from the security feed, she announces, "You know, I must have been wrong after all. Thanks, Joe," she says to the security guard.

Once outside the office, Keith queries, "What was that all about?"

"Astrid," Veronica explains. "She checked in on March 6th."

~ • ~

Wed. 4/22/09: late, Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, CA

Veronica and Logan are lying together in her bedroom. Logan is staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought, while she cuddles against his side. His hand strokes her head absently. She asks quietly, "Are you okay? It's a lot to process. I'm sorry I never told you before."

He shrugs. "It's not like anything's really different."

"Still, now you know..."

"Yeah, now I know. I don't blame him. He was trying to do the right thing."

She tries to hear the meaning behind his words. "Are we okay? I mean...are we okay? I'm sorry I lashed out at you today. Logan...I'm so sorry."

He turns his head and looks at her. "Why do you always do that? And christ, Veronica...Duncan...you jump into action whenever he needs you."

"Duncan and I...we're always going to have a connection because of Lilly....Our Lilly, I mean," she rushes to explain. He nods that he understands. "I've never said it...but I wish I hadn't helped Duncan with the kidnapping. It made everything worse. I swear I tried to talk him out of it. But he was so determined, and I didn't think he'd be able to get away with it without my help. And now...I guess I feel responsible for him. Maybe I feel guilty, that I should have stopped him. But you know I don't love him, right?"

Logan brushes the hair from her forehead. "I don't really care about Duncan. I'll probably always be a little jealous of him, but I believe you when you say you don't love him. But Veronica...why do you always lash out at me when you're upset? We can't keep doing this. And I hate how I reacted to you. It always escalates to the nuclear option right away."

"I thought I lost you. But you came back."

"Yeah, I can't stay away from you for long. You know I love you, Veronica."

"It's never been easy for us," she muses. "I know that I really hurt you today. I know you need me, too, and it's true, I haven't been great about taking care of you lately. I swear that I'm trying to do better, Logan. You've got to know...I can't imagine a life without you. Yeah, it's intense, sometimes too intense. But I think I'd rather be fighting with you than loving anyone else."

Logan huffs a laugh. "You are seriously messed up, Veronica."

"You're just figuring that out?"

Logan replies, "You know, we better get some sleep. It's going to be a hard day tomorrow."

"Tell me about it."

He thinks, She doesn't sound scared. She knows she can do this. Just before they fall asleep, Logan whispers, "I'd rather fight with you than love anyone else too. Guess I'm messed up too."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Veronica Mars Is Smarter Than Me
As if there was any doubt.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Wallace: Percy Daggs
III. Mac: Tina Majorino.

And...some other people. You'll see....
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FIFTY: "VERONICA MARS IS SMARTER THAN ME"

Thurs. 4/23/09: morning, Neptune Sheriff's Department, Neptune, CA

Veronica walks into the Neptune Sheriff's Department. "Hi, Jerry. Is the sheriff available? I need to speak to him." She brushes past the reception desk without waiting for permission.

Sacks protests, "Uh, Veronica, let me see if he's—"

Veronica smiles beatifically. "I'm sure he's available for me." Suddenly, she realizes, Damn, this feels good.

Deputy Sacks hurries to catch up with her. "Veronica...just hold on one second." He knocks on Leo's door. "Sheriff? Someone to see you." He whispers to Veronica. "What's this about?"

"It's a secret," she whispers back slyly.

"Uh, Sheriff?" Sacks repeats, knocking again.

Leo flings open the door and barks, "What is it, Sacks?" He spies Veronica behind Sacks. "Veronica."

"Sheriff. I'd like to make your day."

"You're confessing? That would truly make my day," he retorts skeptically.

"Not quite. Can we have some privacy?" she asks.

Leo purses his lips, assessing. "What's going on?"

"I'd be happy to explain in your office."

"Sacks...hold my calls. You've got ten minutes, Veronica," he says, opening the door so she can enter.

Veronica sits down; he notes that she seems confident and purposeful, not the half-broken girl he last saw before the Rio Linda debacle. Wondering what the hell she's up to now, he shuts the door and takes a seat at his desk.

She takes a deep breath and announces, "I'm prepared to give you Kendall's murderer. I heard the indictment against the late Liam Fitzpatrick was dismissed for lack of evidence...and for good reason: he didn't do it."

"Okay, spill it, Veronica. What is it you think you know?"

She raises a single finger, wagging it back and forth. "Not so fast. I need two things from you first."

Leo leans back in his chair. "And now the scam begins. What do you want, Veronica?"

"The first thing is I need to see the stolen car report on the Crawfords' SUV. It's just to confirm my little theory."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm going to get the murderer to walk in to the station and give you a confession."

"You're unbelievable."

"I know," she says, smiling broadly. "It drives my dad crazy. Come on, Leo."

"It's 'Sheriff', please."

"Sheriff D'Amato, may I please see the stolen vehicle report? What's the harm?"

With a sigh, he shuffles through some folders and extracts a piece of paper, handing it to her.

Veronica skims the paper, stabbing with a finger at a particular line. "I thought so. Equipped with a remote starter." She passes the report back. "Now here's what I need you to do. You're going to announce that an arrest in the Kendall Casablancas case is imminent. You're not going to say who it is, but you are going to say that the evidence is substantial and incontrovertible."

"Who am I arresting?"

"I told you, the murderer is going to walk in to the station and give you a confession. Don't worry so much, Sheriff!"

Leo stares at her, trying to gauge just what game she could be playing. As much as it pains him to admit it, he's well aware Veronica has an excellent track record for solving cases. "All right, you got a deal. When do you need me to make the announcement about the arrest?"

"About 1:00 would be perfect. I'll try to have your confession for you by the six o'clock news," Veronica announces. "Thank you so much, Sheriff." She leans over the desk and whispers conspiratorially, "And when you're considering a gift to thank me, I really like...cash."

"I think you should leave now, Veronica," Leo responds, rolling his eyes.

"Ta-ta," she says, smiling and waving as she walks out of the room. She stops suddenly and turns back. "One more thing, Sheriff. I was never here today...officially. I think it would work better if you received an anonymous tip."

"All right," he agrees, begrudgingly.

Outside the station, Keith and Logan are waiting in Veronica's Saturn. She jumps into the front seat. Keith says impatiently, "So? How'd it go?"

"Exactly the way I thought it would. I was right about the car, too," she muses. She turns slightly to smile at Logan in the back seat. "I guess I still got it, huh?"

Logan snorts. "Yeah, you still got it all right. Like you could ever give this up." He reaches over the seat to give her a hug. "Veronica Mars is on the case."

~ • ~

Thurs. 4/23/09: morning, Kane Mansion, Pemberton Estates, Neptune, CA

Jake Kane opens the door. "Keith. Veronica...Logan," he says finally, noting their somber expressions.

"May we come in?" Veronica asks.

Jake leads them to the living room and motions that they should sit down. Celeste is reading a magazine and looks up sharply as they enter.

"Mrs. Kane," Logan acknowledges as he sits down next to Veronica on the couch.

"Veronica, thank you for helping Duncan with his custody hearing," Celeste says in a brittle voice.

"Of course," Veronica replies. "So was it your idea to kill Kendall?"

"What are you talking about? Do you ever make sense, Veronica?" Celeste stands up and moves to the bar.

"I'm sure I'll never be able to prove it," Veronica continues. "But I believed Liam Fitzpatrick when he said he didn't kill her."

"Are you wearing a wire, Veronica? Trying to finish the job your father couldn't quite manage to make the Kanes pay for my husband's indiscretion with your mother?" Celeste asks as she pours herself a drink. The bottle clinks loudly against the glass, and Veronica wonders if Celeste is a little more rattled than she appears. Celeste pours a second drink and walks it over to her husband. "Would you like a drink? Some wine, perhaps? We're all adults now."

"No, thank you, and I'm not wearing a wire," she replies.

Jake says abruptly, "Do you really want to know, Veronica? Yes, Veronica, when Kendall threatened to tell the sheriff that she had seen my head of security at the Neptune Grand the day Aaron Echolls was killed, I had to do what was necessary."

Veronica explains, "Kendall recognized Clarence Wiedman when she read in the newspaper that I had been arrested for killing him. All of a sudden, she knew who was responsible for executing Aaron."

"Well, not quite," Jake muses. "She assumed that I hired Clarence."

"He was your employee after all," Veronica states.

Jake swallows half of his drink in a single gulp and stands up to pace around the room. "Kendall didn't seem to have considered that Duncan might have been behind the execution, and I didn't disabuse her of the notion."

"Everyone always did underestimate the guy," Keith comments. "But when he had to, he stepped in and took his kid to protect her, and he made sure that Aaron paid for his sins when the state didn't."

Veronica says matter-of-factly, "So you stole a car and lured Kendall with the promise of money. A lot of money, I'm assuming."

"You're doing well so far. You tell me," Jake says.

"How did you actually steal the car, Jake? I know you used a security patch on the servers at Neptune Alarmco to get the Crawfords' alarm code, but I'm guessing you don't have much experience with a slim jim."

"But I do have experience with computer software. Kane Software has been working with car manufacturers to develop stronger encryption software to prevent hackers from opening remote car locks wirelessly. So of course I have a copy of the program that car thieves use to steal cars with a wireless signal. I just made sure to select an older model vehicle which has no encryption. And the Crawfords told a funny story about using their remote starter during a snowstorm the last time they were in Aspen."

"At the Banks's party, right?"

"Very good, Veronica. It was child's play to generate a radio signal to trigger the starter mechanism. I bought a kit, tinkered with it for a few hours, and reverse-engineered its signal generator. It's really quite simple if you know the algorithms. It's not anywhere near as difficult as, say, streaming video."

"And after you killed her, of course you dumped the stolen car in Fitzpatrick territory, unlocked."

Jake shrugs. "It was a pretty safe bet that an unlocked car would be chopped up within an hour. And the car would point right at the Fitzpatricks...I remembered that Crawfords gossiping about the nephew of their housekeeper being involved in the case against Veronica last fall. D'Amato's not as incompetent as Lamb: I knew if they found the car, they'd make the connection with the Fitzpatricks."

Veronica comments ruefully, "It was really quite clever. Too clever, in fact, which is what made us think it wasn't the Fitzpatricks. And it probably would have worked if most of the Fitzpatricks weren't sitting in a holding cell the night was killed."

"What?" Jake says nervously.

Keith says, nodding his head, "Yeah. Liam and his brothers were in custody that night, arrested for receiving stolen goods. I have to admit, it was a pretty good plan, Jake. What happened to the gun that you used to shoot her?"

Jake, still processing the information about the Fitzpatricks, says without thinking, "I threw it off the Coronado Bridge the next day."

Veronica adds, "And you had Astrid search Kendall's room at the Grand. You didn't want to take the chance you would be caught on a security camera."

"Astrid checked in under an assumed name a few days before. She didn't leave for several days to avoid raising suspicion. She owes us...and of course she's just as guilty of abetting kidnapping as you are, Veronica. She does as she's told."

"How did she get into Kendall's room?" Logan asks.

"I borrowed Duncan's key card to make a master key that would open any door in the Neptune Grand. Secure magnetic coding technology is another area of research at Kane Software."

"But it was still incredibly foolish. With Duncan not having an alibi–"

"What are you talking about?" Jake interrupts. "Kendall assumed that I had hired Wiedman. There was no need to protect–"

"Duncan was having an affair with her."

"What?" Celeste exclaims.

"Yeah, your precious boy was sleeping with Kendall. He didn't know who she was, of course," Veronica explains. "I'm not sure if Kendall knew at first who he was either. She wasn't exactly chaste, if you know what I mean. She claimed she was lonely and didn't know who Duncan was until the press conference. Then she probably decided to hedge her bets, and she took the affair to the next level."

Jake says angrily, "How do you know all this? How do I know you're not just making all this up?"

Logan says quietly, "I recognized her. She hadn't changed that much after all. And we confronted her and told her to leave Duncan alone."

Veronica adds, "But when Kendall turned up dead, Leo began investigating her lover Duncan. He's assuming Kendall was blackmailing Duncan; she had been videotaping their...sessions together. Pretty racy stuff, I hear. I'm surprised none of the tapes have leaked onto the internet yet." She sighs loudly. "It sounds like he's going to arrest Duncan today."

Jake and Celeste stare at her in shock.

Impatiently, Veronica says, "So are you going to do the right thing?"

"Excuse me?" Celeste sputters.

Keith says, "You have to confess, Jake. You can't let your son go to prison for this."

"This is completely ridiculous. Duncan hasn't said a word about this to me."

"Call him," Veronica urges. "Make sure he's okay."

Jake withdraws a cell phone from his jacket pocket and hits a key. He puts the phone to his ear.

~ • ~

Thurs. 4/23/09: morning, Duncan Kane residence, Neptune, CA

Wallace and Mac sit in a nondescript car outside Duncan's house, slumped down out of sight observing a device with an antenna and several LED readouts. "Are you sure it's working?" Wallace asks for the third time.

"Yeah, I'm sure. It jams all cell phone calls, in or out, within two hundred feet," Mac says impatiently. "We tested it, remember?"

"Okay. So we wait to hear from Veronica, right?"

"Right. And if Duncan goes out, we follow him."

~ • ~

Thurs. 4/23/09: morning, Kane Mansion, Pemberton Estates, Neptune, CA

Jake listens to the phone ringing and finally going to voice mail. "Duncan...call me when you get this." He hangs up and glares at Veronica.

"I have a feeling Duncan's a little busy with the sheriff right now," Veronica suggests.

"I don't believe you," Jake says. "Duncan would have called."

"Check the television...see if they're announcing an arrest."

Jake picks up a remote from the coffeetable and hits a button. A flatscreen TV rises impressively from a wooden recessed fixture.

"Fancy," Veronica mutters. "Bet that cost a bundle." She turns to her dad. "A little nicer than our rabbit ears, huh, Dad?"

"I didn't want to spoil you, Veronica," Keith replies.

"That's why I love you, Dad."

Celeste is not amused at the exchange. Jake hits another sequence of buttons, and the local Neptune channel appears on the screen. There is a newscrawl at the bottom.

SHERIFF LEO D'AMATO ANNOUNCES ARREST IN KENDALL CASABLANCAS MURDER. DETAILS TO FOLLOW...TUNE IN TO ACTION NEWS AT FIVE.

Jake, furious, tries to call Duncan again with no success. "Damn it!" he curses loudly when there is no answer.

Keith says offhandedly, "You know, it's possible that you felt threatened when Kendall blackmailed you."

"What are you saying?" Jake asks distractedly.

"I don't think you want to tell the world that your son had Aaron Echolls executed, do you? Perhaps Kendall was blackmailing you about her affair with your son. She threatened to use the videotapes she'd been making to destroy Duncan's chances of getting custody of his daughter."

"That's ridiculous," Celeste says sarcastically.

Veronica snipes, "Most grandparents would be motivated to help their son in that situation. Of course you and I know you would have been thrilled if Duncan lost custody of Lilly, but it's a plausible theory for anybody with a shred of humanity."

Jake frowns. "So you're saying...."

Keith says carefully, "Kendall and an accomplice came here to your house and threatened you with a gun. You were in fear for your life and your wife's. There was a struggle, the weapon went off, and Kendall ended up dead. The accomplice fled with the car. You panicked and disposed of the body because you were afraid Duncan would lose custody of his daughter."

Under his breath, Logan says, "After all, it's what you did with Lilly. They'll believe it."

"Involuntary manslaughter. I'm sure your attorneys could work with that," Keith concludes. "If you're smart, you'll spin it as a tragedy."

"Accomplice? What accomplice?" Jake asks, finding his voice.

Veronica says impatiently, snapping her fingers, "Tom Griffith, of course. Try to keep up! He's dead...he can't testify against you. He was photographed with Kendall the last week before she died, and he worked with the Fitzpatricks. He had his lowlife friends dispose of the car for him."

Celeste says, frowning, "I thought he left a letter confessing...."

"Trust me, Dr. Griffith's self-serving confession won't exclude him from this scenario," Keith comments. "If you get your stories straight."

Jake and Celeste exchange a glance. Jake sputters, "What about Astrid?"

Veronica replies, "What does she really know? I'm assuming you asked her to break into a particular room at the Neptune Grand, to deliver the laptop and anything else she found. Does she even know you killed Kendall? And I don't think she'll be volunteering any information. She isn't going to take the chance that she'll be charged as an accessory in the Manning babynapping."

"Why are you doing this?" Jake asks. "Why didn't you just take this to the Sheriff? You certainly hate us enough."

Veronica answers intensely, "We don't want Duncan to go to prison for Aaron's murder, and we're hoping that he can still adopt Lilly. You'll need to stress that Kendall was a ruthless con artist who targeted your son in order to get your billions, and you were desperate to help your son and your beloved granddaughter." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"You might serve a year, Jake, if that. Isn't it worth it to spare your son from life in prison?" Keith asks. "We'll help you with your story. I trained Sheriff D'Amato in interrogation techniques when he rejoined the force, and I remember how he questioned me when I was under arrest. I know exactly how he'll interrogate you. And I also remember how you screwed up when I was investigating your daughter's murder. I won't let you do it again."

~ • ~

Thurs. 4/23/09: late afternoon, Neptune Sheriff's Department, Neptune, CA

Jake Kane, accompanied by his attorney and his wife, walks into the Neptune Sheriff's Department and asks to make a statement. The sheriff hides his surprise and escorts the billionaire into the interrogation room, where he takes Jake's videotaped confession. Several times, the attorney halts Jake's recitation; after whispered consultations, he continues with his tale. At the conclusion, the sheriff puts Jake in a holding cell and speaks to Celeste Kane, who confirms all the details of her husband's story. She is detained as well, in a separate cell.

Leo returns to Jake's cell. "Mr. Kane, I'm going to arrest you now. We won't be able to have an arraignment until the morning, so I'm afraid you're going to have to spend the night in this cell." He unlocks the cell door and motions that Jake should proceed him to another area of the department.

Leo supervises as Sacks fingerprints and photographs Jake Kane. Jake seems to have something on his mind. Finally, he says, "You're going to release my son now, right?"

"Excuse me?" Leo asks.

"I've confessed to Kendall's murder. You can release Duncan now."

"Duncan's not under arrest," Leo replies.

"But Veronica said—" Jake suddenly stops speaking.

Suddenly Leo gets it. Nodding thoughtfully, he says, "Veronica Mars stopped by this morning and asked me to make an announcement that I was arresting somebody today. She claimed that somebody would walk in and confess to Kendall's murder. We go way back, you know, so I tend to believe her. And what do you know...she was right." Leo smiles.

"Veronica Mars...." Jake says through gritted teeth. "Veronica Mars!"

"Did you want to change your statement, Mr. Kane?" Leo asks.

Jake, seething, shakes his head 'no'.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Tilting At Windmills
Getting on with their lives.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Wallace: Percy
Daggs III. Mac: Tina Majorino. Eli: Francis
Capra. Dr. Friedman: Lorraine Bracco. Dick:
Ryan Hanson. Rebecca: Paula Marshall.
Peter Klein: Clancy Brown. Maria: Gina
Mantegna. Nurse: Suleka Mathew.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

EPILOGUE: "TILTING AT WINDMILLS"

Four weeks later...

Sat. 5/23/09: very late, Camelot Motel, Neptune, CA

VERONICA

So here I am, back at the Camelot motel, spying on creepy Stuart Fuller. When Mrs. Fuller came in to Mars Investigations saying she suspected that her husband was sleeping with their new baby-sitter, my dad didn't even have to say a word. I immediately said, "I'll handle it, Dad."

It's my first official case since I came out of 'retirement'.

I'm still trying to catch up on my classwork at Hearst—that twenty-page thesis for my 'Ethics in the Criminal Justice System' seminar isn't going to write itself—but it feels good to be slumped down in the Saturn with my telephoto lens pointed at the second floor balcony.

Duncan is still barely speaking to me. He was furious when he realized what I did. But when I saw the 'People' magazine pictures of him and Lilly playing together at the playground, I decided I don't regret a thing. Jake will serve six months in a cushy minimum security lockup and do a thousand hours of community service, and Celeste will do five hundred hours as well. I had to laugh when the court assigned her to work with children at the South Neptune homeless shelter.

Duncan will come around. With his dad in prison, he's had to take a seat on the board of directors at Kane Software. Apparently, he's learning the business from the top down, just the way his dad always wanted him to. The stock price took a hit and Duncan lost millions overnight, but word on the street is that Kane software's new line of educational software for toddlers is going to revolutionize the industry. In the 'People' magazine interview, Duncan stressed that Kane Software needs to diversify from its core business of security and encryption software if it's going to continue to be an industry leader. Maybe he has a knack for the business after all...who cares if he still has to get his secretary to show him how to force-quit when he crashes an application for the hundredth time.

We're still nervous about the adoption hearing, but the publicists that Jake hired have spun the story very well, and I think for once the justice system in Neptune is going to do the right thing. The same judge who presided over the custody hearing was assigned to the case, and the buzz around Family Court is that he'll make sure that Faith Manning's adoption goes through without a hitch. No one has suspected Astrid's part in Kendall's murder; the Kanes quietly let her go, with an extremely generous settlement and excellent references. I heard she moved to the East Coast.

Logan took the news about Duncan's...involvement...in his dad's death harder than any of us thought he would. As much as he hated Aaron, learning that his best friend paid to have him killed was a shock. I'm not sure that Logan will ever be able to be friends with Duncan again. It was already so difficult between them.

My phone buzzes on the seat next to me; I glance at the display. "Hi Dad....Yes, it's going just fine....I promise to check in on schedule....I won't stay too late. Bye, Dad."

It's a new era for me and Dad. No more secrets. Two adults...he even told me just what it was he did for Vinnie. Damn Vinnie to hell...I saw the shame in Dad's face when he admitted that he helped cover up a murder to keep me out of prison. Dad committed a felony for me and swore he'd do it all over again if he had to. I know where Dad hid Vinnie's gun, the bullet, and the license plates from the car so if anything...happens...to Dad, Vinnie can never open his mouth.

Oh, you didn't hear? Vinnie's back in town. I guess he thinks it's safe with Liam dead and Ciaran and Padraig sentenced to life in prison. He waltzed into Mars Investigations as if nothing had happened and tried to get my dad to help him with a particularly difficult bail jumper who's been eluding capture for months now. "Eighty-twenty split, what'dya say?" Vinnie suggested, and my dad just laughed.

You would have thought my dad would be upset about Vinnie showing up in Neptune again, right? You would be wrong. Dad just said, "We're okay. That's all that counts." You know what's crazy? I think he's actually looking forward to a little friendly rivalry between our agencies.

And what about my future? For now, I'm just taking it as it comes...a few cases that won't interfere with my classes. Nothing too dangerous, and Logan and Dad always know what's going on. It's a strange feeling, to be glad when they check up on me, but I'm getting used to it. The FBI called and asked me to resubmit my internship application, but after thinking about it for a couple days, I said 'no thanks'. The FBI will be there for me if I want it later on...but for right now I want to spend a lot of time with Dad and Logan...and work on the Briar Hill case.

We had a family meeting after Jake's arraignment—yes, we're a family, Dad, Logan, and I—and we talked about what we wanted. We each gave up so much for that undercover operation, and all of us felt that we wanted to make a difference, so we've decided to proceed with the lawsuit. I'm working hard on my therapy with Dr. Friedman so I can testify against Klein in his criminal trial. I won't deny that I wake up some nights in a cold sweat after dreaming about facing him in a courtroom, but I won't let him intimidate me. Logan rocks me back to sleep, and twice a week the three of us talk about everything...and it helps. I know he's talking about what happened at Briar Hill to Dr. Friedman as well. Sometimes Logan spends hours writing, processing...and one of these days, I'll read what he's written. Not yet. But soon. He's consulted with a top plastic surgeon to try to have a few of the scars from Aaron's beatings lasered from his body, starting with that cigarette burn on his shoulder.

Epstein is working on expanding the class for the civil lawsuit against Klein and Briar Hill Academy. This summer, we're going to travel around the country talking to graduates, trying to convince them and their parents to join us in our class action suit. Professor Kinny has been recruiting his colleagues to testify about the long-term effects of attack therapy, forcible imprisonment, and psychological manipulation.

And an anonymous benefactor contacted Dad and told him he would take care of any monetary judgment in Klein's countersuit against us...so we told the Briar Hill attorneys: bring it on. The publicity can only help the criminal case against Klein; Dad told Klein's lead attorney that we'd introduce every single surveillance recording as evidence in the suit. Carrie's done her part: her series on the abuses of the tough-love industry ran in Newsweek, with just a small sidebar interview of me talking about the undercover operation. She seems to have changed since her half-brother's death, and I hear she's working on a new series about government corruption. We've contacted Speaker Pelosi, hoping she'll sponsor a bill in Congress that makes a hearing mandatory before a minor child is committed by their parents or guardians to a rehabilitative facility and establishes minimum requirements and federal supervision of the therapeutic boarding school industry. We're not so naïve as to think that a new law will stop evil people like Klein for long, but it's a start.

Michelle Weisz has already sent two students to us...Dad told us he offered to help with her mission. He got them identification and found other tough-love survivors to house them until they turned eighteen. Logan and I drove them to Arizona and Nevada to their new homes. A boy, around sixteen, with haunted eyes, and a girl, only fourteen, who stuttered when she tried to talk...Logan gave both of them a duffel bag full of cash and an emergency contact email if they needed to be relocated again.

There's just a few things that still need to be taken care of.

~ • ~

Tues. 6/2/09: late morning, Bennington County District Court, Bennington, VT

The court services officer says, "Case adjourned in the matter of State v. Echolls, misdemeanor assault."

James Epstein turns to Logan and says, "We'll have that no contest plea expunged from your record as soon as possible."

Logan nods. To Veronica and Keith he says wryly, "More anger management classes...I could practically teach the course at this point."

"One year probation and a thousand dollar fine," Veronica sighs.

"I told you, it was worth it," Logan says firmly, kissing her forehead.

"Ms. Denenberg insisted on taking care of your fine," Keith reminds him. "Let her do this for you, okay?"

'Yeah. You want to get some lunch?" Logan suggests.

"Actually...." Veronica muses. "I'd like to go to the State Mental Hospital in Burlington. Maria Frazzino's being held there."

"Veronica—" Keith starts.

Veronica says quietly, "Did you know that Maria's mother has refused to talk to her? In fact...I'll bet she hasn't had any visitors at all since the hearing when the state remanded her to custody in a mental health facility for a period of one year."

"Maria voluntarily signed the commitment papers rather than face criminal charges," Keith reminds her.

"Ironic, right? After all the girls she convinced to sign the forms at Briar Hill?" Veronica adds.

"What are you thinking?" Logan asks.

"She's refused to talk to law enforcement about Klein and what was going on at Briar Hill. In fact, Jim told me," she nods at the attorney, "Jim said she's refused to participate in therapy and hasn't talked about her dad or Briar Hill at all to anyone. I'd guess she's being forcibly medicated. She's a victim, too. I have a feeling that she was Klein's special project...the way I was."

"Frazzino probably paid Klein handsomely to twist Maria's mind," Keith comments.

"If we could convince Maria to testify against Klein..." Veronica suggests hopefully. "And even if we can't, I don't like to think of her rotting away in some psych ward without any visitors."

~ • ~

Tues. 6/2/09: afternoon, Burlington Mental Health Facility, Burlington, VT

A burly female attendant leads Maria into a common area, where Veronica sits patiently. Veronica left her purse, her phone, everything except for two manila folders with Logan and Keith, who are waiting outside in the reception area outside the locked ward. The two folders, stuffed with papers, were turned over to the head nurse on duty to be checked for contraband; they were sealed with a sticker, signed and dated by the nurse, before they were returned to Veronica. Veronica has also purchased a few food items and two cans of soda from the vending machines, hoping that Maria will appreciate the gesture.

Maria is wearing jeans and a T-shirt; she moves slowly, almost shuffling. When she turns to Veronica, she looks confused at first before recognition dawns on her face. "You." Her pupils are inky black, and her voice is husky; Veronica has to fight to focus on her face. It's scary and abnormal; Maria is obviously heavily sedated.

Taking a seat in the opposite corner, the attendant says quietly, "I'll be over here if you need me. Maria, you're okay, right?"

Maria nods hesitantly.

"How are you doing?" Veronica asks. "Do you need anything?" She pushes the soda to Maria. "Do you want a soda? Some chips or a candy bar? I can get you something else if you prefer."

Maria looks puzzled. She says, "Connie."

"Right. That was the name I was using. My real name's Veronica. I know they told you what we were doing."

"Trying to shut down the school," Maria says, the words a little slurred. "Bitch."

The attendant interjects, "Maria."

"No, it's okay," Veronica says quickly. "I know...this is tough."

Maria whispers, too quietly for the attendant to hear, "Stupid slut. Couldn't mind your own business. Always choosing out instead of working on your program."

Veronica flinches and closes her eyes. Gathering her courage, she says, "Can I tell you a story?"

"Don't have a choice, do I?" Maria mumbles faintly.

Veronica tells Maria about Meg: the saintly girl who held off her horny boyfriend Cole; her plot to marry Duncan when she discovered she was pregnant by her dad; the bus crash and Meg surviving, but lying for months in a coma; Duncan running with the baby he thought was his daughter; and finally Duncan returning to Neptune, determined to adopt the baby and make a life for himself and his daughter.

"Why're you telling me thish?" Maria slurs. "What the fuck is your problem?" She wipes at her mouth, and Veronica realizes that the medication is making her drool.

"Meg's dad was evil. I think your dad was evil too. He gave you to Peter Klein, told him to keep you locked up and brainwash you into believing you were a juvenile delinquent, when you and I know you were probably trying to get high so you wouldn't think about what was going on when your dad came into your bedroom at night. And Klein turned you into his enforcer at Briar Hill." Maria stares at her impassively, and Veronica adds, "Did you know that they weren't going to let you graduate?"

"Bullshit," Maria sneers.

The attendant looks over, and Veronica lowers her voice. "You know that guard Roger...he was working for us too...he heard Klein and Tony talking. They were going to transfer you to Serenity Bay...on your dad's orders. They didn't want to take the chance you were going to tell the world what your dad had done."

Maria looks confused.

Veronica breaks the seal on the top folder in front of her. It contains surveillance photos and police reports concerning the Jamaican facility, and a first-person account by a survivor, telling of beatings and long stretches in solitary confinement in cages infested with roaches and rats. The last document is a copy of the letter from Serenity Bay, approving Maria's transfer there on 6/1/09 just before her eighteenth birthday. Without further comment, she lets Maria look at the documents.

Maria glances at a few of the documents; Veronica notes that her hand shakes slightly when she skims the letter from Serenity Bay. Maria closes the folder. "I don't believe you. I worked hard on my program. I was going to graduate."

Veronica shakes her head. "I know your mother has refused to see you."

"Fuck you," Maria replies.

"Don't let them do this to you. Talk to the counselor. Maria...my god...I was only there a week, and I was— I can't imagine how hard it was for you."

"Go away," Maria mutters, standing and walking to the door.

"Maria...do you know what Klein has said about you? He's going to blame you for everything that happened while I was there. In fact, he's given a sworn statement that he prohibited you from hurting me or any of the other girls. He said you'd been disciplined repeatedly for forcing girls to undergo strip searches against school policy."

Maria stops for a moment before continuing out of the room.

Veronica stands up and calls after her, "I've printed out some interviews that Klein's given. You need to know what he's going to say. There's going to be a criminal trial, Maria, and I think you're going to be the scapegoat. You should work with your psychiatrist and your attorney." When Maria doesn't stop or turn around, Veronica adds, "I'm coming back tomorrow to visit you again. Think about what I told you. I'll leave this here for you to read."

Maria suddenly stops and turns. She says with a smirk, "Love you, Connie."

Veronica wills herself not to react as Maria stares at her. Finally Maria walks away. Veronica hands the folders to the attendant, saying, "Please make sure Maria gets these." She goes to the locked door leading to the reception area and leaves the ward.

~ • ~

Wed. 6/3/09: afternoon, Burlington Mental Health Facility, Burlington, VT

The nurse says, "I'm sorry, Maria said she didn't want to see any visitors."

Veronica's face falls, and she turns away.

The nurse hurries to add, "Wait...Ms. Mars, I thought you should know. She talked to her doctor this morning. It's the first time she's participated in her treatment since she's been here. I think you got through to her."

"Can I maybe...write to her? Or call her?" Veronica asks hopefully.

"You can write to her, of course." The nurse scribbles on a card and passes it to Veronica. "I'll tell her you came by."

~ • ~

Fri. 6/5/09: afternoon, San Clemente, CA

"So what do you think?" Logan asks nervously.

"It's so small. Not ostentatious at all. How are we going to throw lavish parties and get our names in the tabloids?" Veronica asks flippantly. She walks around the one-story house, noting the unfashionably small kitchen and simple styling.

Logan nods. "Just two bedrooms, one for us and one for your dad when he visits. It does have the most important feature."

"What's that?" Veronica leans against him.

"Walking distance to the beach and an outdoor shower."

She snorts.

"I told you," he replies. "I'm ready to start surfing again. I need to get back out there on a board; it's been too long."

"And it's a rental," Veronica comments, still surprised.

"Right. It's not a huge commitment; we can even rent month-to-month at first. But the realtor said she thinks the owner could be convinced to sell if we decide we like it."

"Month-to-month? You must not have much confidence in this arrangement."

"Come on, Veronica. It's an experiment. We're figuring this out together, right?"

"I know," she agrees. "It's perfect."

~ • ~

Fri. 6/12/09: afternoon, Dr. Friedman's office, Los Angeles, CA

"Ready?" Logan asks, holding her hand tightly.

"Yeah, I am," Veronica says quietly.

The therapist asks again, "Are you sure—"

Veronica shakes her head. "I don't think I need a tranquilizer. I can do this. I know it's going to be hard."

"Just put your hand up if you want to pause or ask a question," Dr. Friedman reminds her. "You too, Logan."

He nods. "I think we're ready."

"We'll pick it up where we left off last time."

"When Klein put me in the circle," Veronica notes.

The doctor presses a key on the remote, and the TV screen in front of them comes to life. They've watched a few other selections from the surveillance footage in past sessions, so Veronica knows that the video will look a little skewed from the angle of the camera in the ceiling fixture. It always seems to make it a little more unreal to have the shot framed that way. And the audio is subdued. The first time when they listened, it struck Veronica how calm it seemed, when in her mind that whole experience was adrenaline and nervousness. And watching herself...the curly red hair and tough attitude, smarting off to them...it's eerie yet familiar.

Klein is stroking her hand, leaning towards her. She remembers suddenly the way his breath smelled, not the sour stench of evil and bile she had expected, but...spearmint and a hint of coffee. The memory is still nauseating, and she breathes out suddenly. Veronica sees Logan turn to her in her peripheral vision, and she whispers, "I'm okay. Don't stop."

Klein begins speaking, and they can't make out the words. "Stop, go back. I need to hear it louder," Veronica says, forcing her voice to stay steady. Friedman hits rewind, and they watch in silence as Klein's hand moves backward on Veronica's.

The therapist resumes the video, and they hear Klein say, "Connie...I wish I could make you see that there's nothing to be frightened of. We truly love you here....We want to restore you to sanity. Your life has been one lie after another until now, and we want to help you get honest. The first step is to admit that you have a problem. Connie, can you at least be that honest with us? Can you admit that you have a problem?"

She remembers thinking, I can do this. I know what he's looking for. She listens to herself saying, "I have a problem," and remembers ohmygod, so scared.

"Good girl. Tell us about your problem....Come on, Connie." The fucker won't stop stroking my hand, hate him, hate this, why isn't Daddy coming, say California again. Klein says, "Connie, do you think you might be an alcoholic? You've been learning a lot about that disease here."

"I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict." God. Can't breathe. Tell him what he wants to hear.

Klein's voice is probing, insistent. "What do you think about God? Do you believe in Him?"

"I...I'm not sure what I believe." Suddenly Veronica realizes, I'm REMEMBERING this. I'm not just watching this, I REMEMBER this. I remember thinking frantically, 'what do I say, what do I say.' I remember what I was thinking.

Klein keeps droning on. "Okay. Well, we talk a lot about a Higher Power here...." Veronica fades out, the memories taking over instead of the video in front of her eyes. She stopped listening, she recalls, she just tried to breathe and think, breathe and think. I know Dad loves me. Something's wrong...no, maybe...no, can't be...could Dad have left me here...Logan's mad at me. Roger. Logan told them. He told them I was undercover...no, can't be.

Veronica puts up her hand, and Friedman pauses the tape. She closes her eyes and remembers. So scared. Roger told them I was undercover. No...where is he? She remembers carefully looking around the room, afraid to see him, and afraid not to see him.

Dr. Friedman says quietly, "You're okay, Veronica. We're here in my office. You're completely safe. That's Logan holding onto your hand."

Logan, holding onto my hand. She squeezes it hard, and he returns the gesture. Logan, not Roger.

Logan flicks his eyes to Friedman, and when the doctor nods, he says, "I'm right here, Veronica. We're okay."

Veronica finally mutters, "I'm okay, keep going." She opens her eyes as the video begins again.

Klein pronounces, "We are all just as sick and diseased as you are, and that's why we can help you. We can help you, Connie. We are here for you."

She watches as he releases her hand and stands up. Veronica suddenly knows what's coming, and she starts to shake. She watches as he puts his hands on her shoulder; she sees herself flinch. She doesn't hear what he's saying, she feels it...her shoulder aching and burning from his hand pressing hard. He starts to massage her shoulders on the video, and she tenses. Hurts...doesn't he see how much I'm hurting...fuck.

She tunes back in to the video and hears herself saying, "He started kissing my neck, and it was...I felt so relaxed and I wasn't scared at all and it just seemed...I don't know. I was out of it, I know." It sounds completely fake. No wonder he didn't believe me. She looks at the other girls; Megan is scornful, almost bursting with the impulse to stand up and tell Connie she's a liar. Maria is watching Klein closely, and suddenly Veronica wonders. She puts up her hand again.

Veronica says, "Go back a little, turn the sound down...I want to watch something." The doctor rewinds, and Veronica peers at the muted video. When Klein removes his hands from Veronica's shoulders, she motions 'stop', and the doctor complies. Hesitantly, she explains, "I think...I never really thought about it. Klein was like a father to Maria. She never takes her eyes off him. She would have done anything for him."

"A substitute father?" Friedman asks.

"Yeah. Showing off for him...making the new girl behave."

"Seeking approval," Friedman comments, nodding.

"Keep going...put the sound back up," Veronica says.

They watch as Klein keeps pressing Veronica to 'let go of the bullshit.' He screams at her, "I bet the people around you have no idea how good you are at telling lies. But I'm sure they know that there's something deeply wrong with you. They just haven't been able to penetrate your FUCKED-UP BULLSHIT! You live your life resenting everyone and everything. You think you're allowed to do whatever you want because the whole world has treated you badly. Well, guess what? Addicts and alcoholics can't afford resentments. You need to get it through your head that you can't trust your thinking. Stop thinking and start talking. Let's go!"

Logan watches, terrified, as Klein grabs Veronica by the shoulders and starts to shake her. He exhales loudly when he hears her audible groan of pain. Klein says viciously, "Are you hurting, Connie? That's what it feels like to everyone around you who loves you when you use them and lie and cheat and drug your way through your life. Even your dad can't love you anymore. He can't stand to see what you're doing to your life."

"Oh god," Logan moans aloud. "Stop it, please stop." Veronica turns to look at him. He closes his eyes.

"Logan, do you want to take a break?" Friedman asks quickly. She puts the remote down and goes to him.

He murmurs, "God, he's hurting you on purpose...oh my god. Veronica, why didn't I—" He lets go of Veronica's hand and leans forward, clutching his stomach in distress. "I knew they were...I knew it." His eyes open, and he looks at her, beseechingly. "Why didn't you say the code words? God, Veronica."

She replies anxiously, "I couldn't remember them. I hurt so much...and I was so confused. I couldn't understand why you didn't come the night before. It was just like my nightmare...I couldn't decide if I was awake or not." They stare at each other, both of them anguished and upset.

"Let's take a little break," Friedman announces.

Veronica gazes into Logan's tormented face. A tear rolls down his cheek, and she reaches up to wipe it away with her thumb. "It's okay," she whispers. "I'm okay."

He laughs quietly without humor. "I'm supposed to be comforting you."

"I've already been through it. It's new for you," she says, realizing the truth of this.

Dr. Friedman says, "Let's do a little visualization exercise. Both of you close your eyes. Imagine...you're somewhere completely safe. It's beautiful, calm. Tell me where you are, Veronica."

"Our new house, in San Clemente," Veronica replies quietly, taking Logan's hand in hers and closing her eyes tightly.

"What do you see?"

"Logan's hooking up his video games...I'm making fun of him."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making dinner...a big pot of chili. Salad. Ice cream for dessert. Dad's coming over...so's Mac. Wallace, Candice, Dick, Weevil...everyone we love is coming to be with us for our housewarming party. Everyone's happy for us."

"Logan?" Friedman prompts.

"Yeah," he replies. "I see it too."

"Breathe in and out. See every detail."

He chuckles, "Keith's bringing Backup to surprise Veronica." He squeezes her hand. "We can do this. We're going to do this."

Veronica adds, "Weevil's joking that there's a pool going on how long until our first fight."

"Foreplay," he whispers.

"What?" Friedman asks.

"Nothing," Logan and Veronica reply together, laughing quietly. They sit with their eyes closed, just breathing together for five minutes, until Veronica opens her eyes and says, "I want to keep going. I want to do this." She turns to Logan. "I'm remembering more all the time. Logan, he's going to twist my arm behind my back now. You've got to be ready. It's already happened. I'm okay. I've got to do this...I want to remember everything. Okay?"

Logan nods. "Yeah." Friedman assesses him for a long minute; he finally mumbles, "I'm okay...I know we have to do this." She hits 'play' again.

Klein is shaking Veronica on the video. She is sweating and crying, begging him to stop. Klein screams, "Tell me! I want you to use the pain to help you break through! I want to hear about the first time you really lost control doing drugs!" They watch as he pulls her arm behind her back, and Veronica screams in response.

Logan is completely unable to breathe, his eyes helplessly locked on the horrible images; Veronica's grip on his hand is painfully tight. On the video, Veronica whispers heartrendingly, "I was roofied and raped. That's the first time I...I ever blacked out. Please, I'll tell you, just...please let go of my arm."

They watch as Klein releases her arm and strokes her head in a parody of compassion. "I believe you, Connie. You just took your first step toward sanity. Now we can start our work. Love you, Connie."

They know it's coming, but still...it's creepy as hell when the girls repeat, "Love you, Connie."

Logan is whispering under his breath, "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

They watch as Veronica describes what happened at Shelly's party. Veronica frowns...each word slots a new memory into place. It's still jumbled, confused and jagged in her brain, but every word is familiar. She remembers the words.

On the video, she is saying, "I guess I was making out with someone who...who I don't like very much. I really don't remember, and people told me later what happened, I don't really know, I don't really know. Everyone said something different, I don't know what I really did." She sees herself shudder. She remembers trying to recall what was a real memory of Shelly's party, and what was the gossip that people had told her. She knows she was doing exactly what she's doing right now, trying to reassemble the jigsaw puzzle of her memory: what is truth, what is supposition, what is an outright lie. Veronica speaks up. "Go back...I want to watch it again."

Logan glances at her. All at once, he's incredibly proud of her. This is so painful for both of them, but he sees her face, determined and anxious to be strong again, to own her memories, and he resolves to get through it for her.

Friedman rewinds, carefully observing Veronica for any signs of emotional distress. They watch again as Veronica struggles to tell Klein about the party.

Klein says pompously, "We don't do anything when we're high that we don't secretly want to do when we're sober."

Oh, goddammit, she thinks. Yes, I remember that. I remember...so angry. So angry at him...what the fuck does he know? She listens to her feeble protests, and then she gasps audibly when she accidentally tells Klein everyone's real name. "It was a mixup. Logan and Luke and Sean got the drugs, and Luke gave it to Dick, and then Dick tried to get Madison to drink it, and she gave it to–"

And then Klein starts interrogating her for real. He's relentless and cruel, barely giving her time to protest, his voice accusing and judgmental. "You were enjoying it....It felt good to be so out of control....Maybe you thought it would feel even better if you had sex with someone....You had a few drinks, because it made it a lot easier to go after what you wanted....You were going to show your boyfriend that he was wrong, that he was a fool to let you go, so you got drunk and had sex with the first willing guy....And then when you realized what you had done, you said 'rape'. You refused to take responsibility for your actions. Come on, Connie, you're never going to get better if you don't admit it....You don't want to admit that you're a slut."

Veronica starts to hyperventilate; Klein's voice echoes in her ear. Shut up, shut up, you fucker, you don't know me, you're wrong, you're WRONG about me....

And then...

She's back in the guest bedroom at Shelly's party. Beaver's pushing her dress up, pulling her panties down. She's mumbling incoherently, trying to talk, but the words seem stuck in her mouth.

Veronica shakes her head, trying to freeze the image, make it stop, make it behave.

Beaver is fumbling with himself, his fist working up and down...wait...he's crying.

He's crying. He's sobbing as if his heart is breaking.

And then he starts cursing...'fuck them, fuck them, I'm not— Dammit, dammit.' He palms her breast, almost as if it's...it's icky. He rips off the condom and tries again, pushing at her between her legs; Veronica is stirring, trying to move, trying to reach for him, trying to figure out what's going on. It's that dream...where she's trying to move, but her muscles won't work, she can't make herself sit up no matter how hard she tries.

Veronica mumbles aloud, 'Beaver, don't....'

Friedman stops the video, and the doctor and Logan stare at Veronica as she screws her eyes tightly closed, breathing in and out, just a little too fast.

Beaver stops moving with a final curse and begins to cry helplessly, and she remembers finally managing to sit up, clumsily hugging him and asking him, her voice thick and unrecognizable, 'What's the matter, Beaver?' She watches him get dressed, completely befuddled in her memory of it. She remembers thinking, What's happening? What's going on?

And Beaver...such a guilty expression on his face...so hopeless...sad beyond description. He tries to dress her, and she just lies there watching...so confused, what's happening, what's happening? He says, his voice choked with tears, 'You're all right, Veronica, just go back to sleep.'

The room is spinning around her; she remembers being certain she was going to throw up. She protests, 'Don't go, Beaver...what's the matter?' and as he runs out of the room she collapses back onto the bed and shuts her eyes against the nausea...drifting...drifting....

Dr. Friedman has moved in front of Veronica; she kneels silently. Without touching Veronica, she whispers quietly, "You're okay, Veronica. You're okay."

"He was crying," she finally responds. "Sobbing."

Good, Logan thinks, then he remembers why Beaver was crying. We pushed him over the edge. Friedman glances at his pained expression and says strongly, "It's okay. We're all okay here." He swallows and looks away. Friedman repeats, "We're all okay here."

Veronica opens her eyes. "I don't need to watch the rest. I remember. I think I remember everything now." She stares into space, thinking, ordering her thoughts into a semblance of cohesion. Finally she explains haltingly, "Alyssa said that I needed to face up to what I was...she sent one of the girls to her office...it seemed to take so long, everyone just staring at me like they were disgusted...then when the girl came back, they held my face and....." She shudders. "They were so serious, they kept saying I needed to confront my past and admit my mistakes. And then Klein wrote on my forehead...he said I wasn't going to be allowed to wash my face for the rest of the weekend...they made me look at myself in a mirror. And then...there was a commotion." Veronica looks at Logan. "You and Kavner coming in the room. Everyone arguing...you were hugging me, telling me it was okay...then you were punching Klein."

Dr. Friedman nods. "Yes, that's right," knowing from previewing the video just what horrors were coming.

Logan whispers again, "I'm so sorry."

She clutches his hand tightly. "No, please don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry. It just is, okay? We're okay," Veronica stresses carefully. "It's going to be okay. It was ugly and awful but...I'm glad I know. It's better to remember. It's going to be okay."

~ • ~

Sat. 6/20/09: late evening, Logan and Veronica's house, San Clemente, CA

Everyone has said their goodnights, and Veronica and Logan are cleaning up from their housewarming party. Veronica thinks about her dad, doing a completely silly dance with Rebecca James watching. Her dad had proclaimed that 'kids today don't know what good music is' and marched over to the stereo. He had changed the music to a Motown greatest hits CD and began gyrating soulfully, dragging Rebecca out into the center of the living room and making an utter spectacle of himself.

Mac and Dick had traded comic barbs all night. Veronica muses that Dick was probably never going to give up, and Mac didn't seem to mind the attention as long as he mostly kept his hands to himself. Wallace and Candice had canoodled in the corner for most of the evening, and Weevil had flitted from one conversation to another, bitching about being the fifth wheel with everyone else paired off. Veronica had carefully reminded him that Mac was definitely not going out with Dick. When he replied, "So you're saying she's free?" Veronica had quickly responded, "Don't you dare," realizing just before the words left her mouth that he was pulling her leg.

When they all left, Mac had reminded her about their next girls' night out—an all-female poker tournament that Mac had heard about—and her dad had said casually, "See you Monday at the office. We got that personal injury case to get going on." And it feels really right, really okay, all her friends and family there with her, with a job that she enjoys and is good at, a new beginning with Logan—a commitment to trying like they've never tried before. Veronica is certain there are still challenges ahead, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

Logan takes her to bed, his eyes dark with lust and his body obviously aching to be with her. He makes love to her, surprising her as he always manages to do, and she thinks...this is my perfect day.

---

Please let me know what you thought of my epic fic. And then...click on the graphics for some 'extras' that I had a lot of fun making.

Comments

Thanks

[(Anonymous)]

I've read parts 1 and 2 this week and I really appreciate these stories - they helped me live the LoVe this week. Really, the scope is phenomenal. I think you might have ruined me for all other fanfic.

Re: Thanks

[vanessagalore]

No, thank you for reading. I really love hearing that someone enjoyed my story. Some days I miss writing this fic so much. Thank you for going through all the contortions I set up to leave up a comment here; a comment is even more meaningful now and really appreciated.

[(Anonymous)]

Just finished Part II after reading both parts over the past week or so. It was really an incredible story, and I was impressed by all the work you put into it. My internet crapped out over night when Veronica was saying the code words and nothing was happening, and I may have lost a year of my life from that. Anyway, great job, and I'm so happy I stumbled across this!
(skatey on lj)

[vanessagalore]

Oh that sounds very distressing to lose internet right at that point in YLD2. Even *I* was not cruel enough to put a cliffhanger at that point when I was posting this as a WIP!!

I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed it. Thank you very much for reading and commenting.

[(Anonymous)]

For the past week and a half, I've done practically nothing but read YLD and YDL2, and I just finished (more on that in a minute). Now...I don't know what to do. Maybe actually work and finish the quarter with passing grades?

Okay, so HOLY CRAP, I could not get enough of your fic. Really and truly. I loved how you used little things mentioned on the show and put your own spin on (except for corrupting Leo, just because I love him) them to create these cases. The characterizations were spot on, there was witty dialog reminiscent of the banter from the show, and the smut was a new element not seen on TV, but it definitely made reading much more fun. :)

My heart hurt for the characters through so much of the stories, too. In YLD, when Logan and Veronica are around each other after being away from one another for so long--which they totally needed--and aren't sure how to proceed. Then in YLD2, the way Logan reacted to Hannah's murder and ran, you knew he was miserable but thought his actions necessary while Veronica is struggling to understand what's going on while miserable too. The one sided phone call was utterly heartbreaking. And oh, when I thought Mac's family had been killed... The undercover operation at Briar Hill was rough, but so well done.

Everything's still jumbled--in a great way--in my head after finishing, but I'm sad YLD(2)'s over. I really liked the chapter titles, too. Movies, song titles, cool references--they were awesome. Awesome kind of like the Deputy in Rio Linda, hee. The casting was a very nice addition, too, as the reader knew exactly *who* these OCs were.

So yes. Thank you for writing and posting this. I really, really enjoyed the journey.

-LenaOrgana over on LJ

[vanessagalore]

Thank you very much for reading and commenting! I consider it a great compliment when people hoover up my fics like that. Thank you for noticing my dialogue and my chapter titles (which most people skipped over). And although I've written some happy L/V fics, I do think that they would have a rough go for a while after reuniting (especially if they had stressors to deal with such as the ones I gave them).

Thanks again for commenting.

[(Anonymous)]

Holy wow. I ran across YOLD for the first time around 3 PM today.

It's 5 AM and I just finished YOLD II. With the exception of dinner, I pretty much ignored every part of my life in order to continue marathoning through approximately 650K words. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to write such a beast. Talk about a labor of love.

I was so impressed, though. I even learned some new words! Vituperate and appetency- I had to look them up, and I love'em. Not to mention all the pop culture references and little jokes I had to look up. And then getting distracted reading background info on Wikipedia about all the different issues brought up in the story.

I know most people love completed fics, but I rather wish I would have been along for the ride. It would have been so interesting to have been forced to wait between updates, to have to spin my own theories and really have time to appreciate all the little tiny things I'm sure I missed while blowing right through the whole thing. When the chapters only come along once a day or week or month they must be savored, but when so many are available at once the temptation to glut oneself is fairly irresistible.

But apparently you have a new WIP. I might even make a LJ so I can comment there. I vaguely remember having one in high school 7 years ago or so, but even if I can manage to remember the username and password to log back into that I probably don't want to revisit it. Yikes. But being able to interact and have dialogue with the authors is one of the coolest things about fanfiction, at least in my opinion.

Anyways. I have no idea how long these are allowed to be. I was fantastically impressed with all the work you did on this. There was so much plot! And minor characters were given more screen time than just as devices for engineering LoVe hookups! I could almost hear the actors delivering their lines, especially Weevil and Dick. They were just so spot on, all the time.

I imagine it was quite a challenge, breaking Logan and Veronica out of their spiral. Trust issues, yeah- but the show always handled it with Veronica toughening up and getting even. Putting her in a situation where she was forced to submit in order to survive/get the evidence they needed was pretty brilliant. It would have no doubt been very tricky to figure out how to balance that. It was so frustrating to read about her like that- but I did like how it was something different, and she did start to come back at the end.

And I loved reading about Logan's experiences. Honestly, I would have expected the whole Briar Hill experience to be much more damaging for him than it was for her. Sure, while she was in there I could see why it really started to make her crack, especially when she was so sick that she started to be delirious, but once she was out I expected her to revert back to old!Veronica, slamming down on her emotions, momentary freakouts buried behind redoubled efforts to take out anyone that ever made her feel vulnerable. I had to constantly remind myself while I was reading that many of the events in this story took place during a relatively short time frame- Veronica was dealing with a debilitating physical injury for the first time, not to mention all the mind games. That said, she still seems much more likely a candidate to get over everything and revert back than Logan, who has a habit of allowing traumatic events to throw his life into complete upheaval. Poor guy. Working there would have been impossibly hard for him.

Also- good for you, not hating on Duncan. He was a somewhat boring guy on the show sometimes, but he was the boyfriend suitable for the Veronica who wasn't super badass. She didn't start out all hardass- and I appreciated that the show took the time to explore why that dynamic no longer worked for them in Season 2. Of course, the Logan and Veronica dynamic was even more dysfunctional, but at least it was an epic, self-destructive kind of obsessive and all-consuming love, as opposed to plain old boring, like Duncan and Piz.

Anyways, I really wish I could go through and discuss all the little things I found so fascinating about the plot, and the way the minor characters developed, and all that, but if I don't crash for a bit it'll never happen. Perhaps in the next few days I'll have time to write a proper review, although I imagine I'll have to skim the stories over again. And I want to read all the rest of your work.

But yeah- this was amazing. Definitely the best Veronica Mars fanfiction I've ever read. I don't know if you still check reviews for this, or if you get annoyed by people talk to much, but I just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed reading this story.

-vertejaune

[vanessagalore]

So, lots of good thoughtful comments in here, and yes, I do read and appreciate all the comments I get even though it's been two years since YLD2 was completed (and Dreamwidth has greater comment limits than LJ, so feel free to ramble). First of all, it's always a compliment when people hoover up the fic...just finishing it is a compliment to me because of its length, but yes, I am sure that you missed many of my Easter eggs that are in there. Did you find EVERY Big Lebowski reference?? Did you hover your cursor over EVERY SINGLE WORD? Well, then, you have some work to do.

Big words: I love interesting words a lot, especially slang and words such as you those you mentioned that have a cool sound to them besides a specific niche meaning. I try not to get carried away with big words when a simple one would do.

While I really love the L/V pairing, because it's so flawed and tentative, these stories were written because I missed the *show*, with all its minor characters and even its flaws, like the red herrings and plot twists that went nowhere. I'm kind of a nut, so as I was writing YLD I'd have the audio of the show playing in my car stereo as I drove around to try to absorb the character voices. You hear a lot that way. I really liked throwing minor characters together that didn't interact much on the show, for instance Wallace and Weevil—both of whom have really interesting speech patterns that are fun to imitate.

One of the overarching ideas that I had for YLD2 was that Logan would start out really damaged, needing Veronica to help him (but pushing her away), and then they would switch, and Veronica would need Logan's help to survive (and she'd push him away). Sure, he's a wallower, and she's a denier, but in a lot of ways, they're two sides of the same coin, and that's one reason they could end up together in some version of the future.

I did want readers to have a real sense of foreboding for both of them as we headed for the tough love school (although most people focused on Veronica's plight and thought it was a "good thing" that Logan would be there too). And then I made it even worse than people thought it could be (you should read my author's notes; if anything, I probably minimized the destructive capabilities of those places).

A couple ideas about Logan's capacity to survive: first of all, Veronica needs him, and that helps him to make it, and second, he'd already hit rock bottom (with his suicide attempt) and while not exactly healthy, he knew that he wanted to live and had developed a support system with his shrink. He'd taken some really positive steps toward healing himself, and he was the one, more than anybody, who saw clearly how dangerous the school would be (but not in the *way* that he thought).

Once the school experience was over, Veronica's tendency towards denial and the way that she always pushes her feelings down out of reach and refused to talk about what was going on made it harder for her to survive. Just having to be passive—and then having to tell her deep emotional secrets to the people she loved—practically killed Veronica.

If I had written this story as a novel, I probably would have had them fighting bitterly once they returned home rather than clinging so hard to each other, and then having to grope their way back together when no one else gets what happened to them. (But it's fanfic, and people clamored for more L/V, so...)

I've said many times that I felt that the overall structure of the story is flawed, because Veronica's unraveling at the end feels like too much (and quite a few commenters have said the same thing). However, those chapters were *really* important to me personally: how do you reinvent yourself when everything you think you know about yourself is destroyed? Not having a perfect structure is probably unavoidable when you post as you go, so I'm not actually beating myself up, but it's something I recognize about the story.

If I was to rewrite this story, I'd also be much more careful about maintaining consistent point-of-view. Since I was mimicking the TV show, with its omniscient POV, we could see everything, but I think really strict third person POV (one person's thoughts at a time) would enhance the story. I did end up rewriting a large section of this right before I finished, because I wasn't happy with the progression of the character arcs.

There are some stories on my master fic list that require you to join my f-list or a special comm to read them. And that's for a few different reasons. I have not withheld access unreasonably, but those stories either can't be public or I only want trusted commenters to be able to give me feedback.

Thank you for leaving me such detailed feedback. I hope someday you'll read the story again at a leisurely pace to see what you missed the first time around. Yes, I am posting another WIP—it's kind of the last gasp of VM fandom in some ways, and I would greatly appreciate getting comments from you as I post. I am working on different areas of my writing, including the POV issues I mentioned above and also descriptive writing and word flow. Thank you for reading my story.

[vertejaune]

I ended up creating a dreamwidth account, since it seems like this is primarily where you prefer to post/discuss your work. I'll have to figure out how to do friendslists and all that on this website- I've actually never heard of it before. I did hover over every word, but I've never seen the Big Lebowski, so I probably missed several references there. I did go look up the basic plot of the movie after the characters were discussing it, but I doubt that was even close to covering it.

Honestly, I liked Veronica's unraveling at the end- I assume you mean after the incident on the boat, not just after the school. That abrupt personality shift felt very true to her character, at least for me. After all, Veronica has a history of going through traumatic events and then reinventing herself to survive the aftermath. It was a survival pattern that worked before- I found it rather curious, everyone seemed so shocked, insisting Veronica could never be happy if she wasn't investigating. But I can't remember seeing any evidence (and I could be wrong, I haven't seen it that recently) of Veronica being particularly enterprising or assertive before she was raped/Lilly died/her mother left. No strapless red satin for Veronica until she got tough after a bunch of bad things happened to her. The big difference between those things and the things that happened in your story, is, as you said, she had to be much more passive in this story.

Plus- yeah, it might have been more realistic for Veronica to turn super tough girl and try to rely on only herself even more. But that got covered pretty thoroughly in the TV show. She did it over and over. In order to force a change, some sort of traumatic experience was necessary.

One thing that I wonder about more was how the physical changes Veronica went through were affecting all of her mental issues. Cutting her hair short was a big deal in the show- her whole demeanor changed, having the long straight hair was a clear sign of passive, naive, Veronica. In your story, the red hair really signified her becoming Connie, and I felt like not changing it back right away would probably really affect how she saw herself. Having that image would be a constant reminder- and then the reinforcement when she realized that not being Veronica was what saved her life at the funeral... aie yie.

I just realized the existence of VM fandom, and I'm sad that it's apparently dying out, but it makes sense. Things like Harry Potter, Buffy, Star Wars and other super popular fandoms that keep on chugging don't just have more widespread popularity- they have a built in universe with complex mythology and way more leniency about what can happen. I'm not knocking the stories that people write for those fandoms, but I imagine it's much easier to go out and use a playground that someone has already set up than try and built one before you can even start trying to invent new games. Working in a "real" universe is much harder for authors, I would suspect. Especially stories that have plots- and I agree, I miss the show. Sure, Logan and Veronica had an interesting relationship, but that wasn't why I loved it. She was a much more interesting (and likable) detective than girlfriend.

[tengjos]

This one was exceptional. You should write a book. Thank you!

[vanessagalore]

I really suck. I missed this comment. I really appreciate the encouragement—one of these days I may be pushing you all to go buy my latest thriller....thank you very much for reading and (especially) for leaving a comment so many years after I posted.

Stunning work!

[contraspirit]

I really must thank and congratulate you to this great story. Not only was it an epic piece of fanfiction but one of my most gripping reading experiences of the last years, comparable in this regard only to A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE. Of course it's not perfect and I really wish you would consider to give the story a bit of an overhaul, especially the last third which drags on a little to long in my opinion. But I only say this because your literary diamond in the rough has the promise of being a really great detective-mystery-novel if tweaked a little bit.
But these complaints pale in comparison to your achievment that, after finishing reading it, left me with a slight feel of loss, similar to when the show had ended. And Veronica's undercover op at the concentration camp-like school kept me awake till 4.30AM.
If you were ever planning on writing a sequel I'd be ecstatic to say the least. YLD2 has definitively left its mark on my popculture-affine soul and I am really looking forward to reading more from you in the future. And if you ever publish a novel please inform me so I can buy it. Thank you again!

Re: Stunning work!

[vanessagalore]

Interesting comments. The story is vastly too long, mostly because of the subplots, which then have to be resolved. However, the subplots are how I keep the secondary characters in the story. Also, Veronica's story at the end is probably the main thing you're referring to as too long and that's probably the most important part of the story to me. It loses its impact after everything that comes before it, but the theme of reinvention/redemption is probably why I wrote these stories (including Precipitation). YLD2's ending feels anticlimactic because usually stories end when the villain is vanquished, but in this story it felt like Veronica wouldn't see it as much of a victory and would need some time and perspective. Probably it would have been better to separate this fic into three or four parts (Logan runs away / Briar Hill / chasing Hannah's murderers / Veronica's redemption) (or just two parts) and have little mysteries of the week to fill it out. There's also the fact that I was reluctant to end the story, because I'd become so attached to writing it (kill your darlings, they say). But I'm reasonably satisfied that the story is mostly balanced, especially if the reader can manage to read it slowly (most people read it too fast). It was an incredibly ambitious project, and even now I'm not quite sure how I managed to make it as coherent as it is.

It's interesting that you say this, because everyone complained that Precipitation ended abruptly, and I kind of feel that Precipitation had a more classic ending for a mystery (bad guy killed, romantic arc completed). So I often feel that I truly can't win as far as satisfying my readers. People identify so strongly with Veronica that any conclusion that differs from their interpretation of her motivations and desires feels really jarring and unsatisfying. (For instance, a lot of the movie felt really strange for me, but I see why most people really enjoyed it.) I know that some of Veronica's arc in YLD2 verged on being way too personal for me, and that certainly limited my perspective on the story.

Thank you for your considered comments. Hope you'll check out the extras for the story.

Re: Stunning work!

[contraspirit]

I liked the way you broke Veronica and rebuilt her, but I think for example her saving everyones skin on the boat would have made a believable catalyst for her recovery. But I don't want to complain, since the story never loosened its grip on me and the character development was plausible and engaging.
BTW, since you didn't want to finish the story is there any chance for a sequel? I'd really love to read of the trial against Klein & Co.

Re: Stunning work!

[vanessagalore]

I am actually probably not going to write any more fanfic. I feel like I've said everything about this pairing that I want to say (I found myself repeating ideas quite a bit in Precipitation) and I've decided that other fandoms are not really something I'm interested in. I've written a lot in this fandom, too much, some would say. There are a lot of newer writers who seem to be inspired by the movie, and I think you should check them out.

I have been feeling lately that I need to do some reinventing of my own.

Re: Stunning work!

[contraspirit]

I can understand and respect this decision, nevertheless it's a bit sad, especially since all other VM-fanfics I tried reading pale in comparison to your work. I wish you best of luck with your "reinvention" and still hope to read more from you in the future, it doesn't have to be fanfiction.

Re: Stunning work!

[vanessagalore]

I think you have a few more of my fics to read, right?

But thanks for the kudos. The fanfic world has the capacity to break my heart, so I have to find something else. Maybe original stuff. Maybe something completely different. Maybe crazy cat lady.

Re: Stunning work!

[(Anonymous)]

I fervently hope that now that the movie has come out, you will find further inspiration to write again about the VM world.
Not only are your stories incredibly suspenseful and original, but you have the "ear" for their dialogue that rings true. And you care enough about them to expand considerably from the format of the TV show with its inherent limitations.
Lastly, you are very, very good at this- and you seem to enjoy it from your comments.
What could be worse than doing something you really enjoy and do well, and also having lots of readers appreciate it too??

Re: Stunning work!

[(Anonymous)]

Wait!!!!
I just discovered your fanfic, and it is tremendously good.
And just as I find it, you are thinking of abandoning it, and leaving us hanging?? Please reconsider.
You have great talent.
Although the characters are not your original invention, you have added a deepening/ further aspects/dimensions etc to all of them. You have an uncanny ability to write in a way, where we readers can "hear" the characters exactly as we did the original series. And your ideas are amazing- the whole "special school" thing was innovation of the highest level, and that came from your brain. It was sinister;creepy;tense; anxiety inducing; stressful;claustrophobic.I was biting my fingers as I read it. So good that in the end, I had to read the chapters in groups of 3, as I was riveted. And the new characters- great. I especially liked DR. Friedman- how I wish we knew someone like that. And the baddies were great too.
Please do not stop- you are too good at this, to just leave us endlessly combing through the internet trying to find something as good as what you have produced.